Did you get her name?
Indeed. Essentially, prepend the word “pretend” to the phrase and it makes more sense. Generally good advice, along with “[pretend] the cop is always right.”
Something Spears, maybe?
There’s an old plumber’s joke, or I should say, joke about plumbers. Regarding the three things they need to learn:
- Crap flows downhill
- Payday is Friday
- Every customer is a potential asshole. (with the corollary every asshole is a potential customer)
Sears now has an online job application questionaire thing that literally takes an hour to complete, asking moral and ethical questions in addition to the standard “why do want to work here” crap. The only good thing is, my friend who was filling it out obviously answered the questions satisfactorily, and was able to schedule an interview without ever leaving home.
T’s okay. Never let the truth get in the way of a good anecdote. 
I’ve always gone with “The customer is always right” = “Tie goes to the runner.”
One time at a store I worked at, we had just closed, but we were still ringing up the last remaining customers. Then we all hear a loud thump against the front door: a guy had walked rather hard into it (nevermind that the doors opened outwards). The kicker is that a few minutes later he returned to bitch out the manager, explaining that he was a lawer and he billed out at $800 an hour and his time is very valuable and he knew we closed early 'cause his watch is atomic and he doesn’t appreciate us laughing at him, blah blah blah.
That manager was always happy to tell jerks we were closed.
Fetus Why did I think of “The Long Walk” when I read your post
I’ve never worked retail, but I always thought it would be fun to work in a large store after giving notice if I could burn my bridges.
Me: May I help you?
Customer: I’m looking for a suit.
Me: (in a room literally filled with men’s suits) Sorry, we don’t have any suits.
Customer: What are all these?
Me: These are all sold. Besides, I don’t think any of them would fit you.
etc…
Couldn’t you just have given her a cup to go and sent her along her merry way?
About seven years ago my manager at that time told me this story on a monday morning.
He was just opening up for a Sunday, small store in a small town so only one of us in that day. He’s not meant to be open till 10 but he’s sat down at 9:50 with the doors shut and locked while he eats is McDonalds Breakfast. A dude starts banging on the door and trying to get in so he shouts something to the effect of “Come back in 10 minutes”. Dude replies “Let me in or I’ll speak to your manager”. Manager replies “I am the manager”
Dude then turns away, grabs our ‘A-Frame’ and tries to run. It’s heavy so he stumbles after four paces, drop the frame, howls like a wounded wolf and runs off. Made me laugh on Monday.
And there’s the dude who liked to lick the wall and balloons outside the store. And the dude who headbutts the displays because he’s so short sighted.
I used to say “all buyers are liars” but now I just think they’re idiots.
I’m sorry, but this is one of my personal pet peeves. Your parents came from a generation that undoubtedly had about the same percentage of assholes as any generation. If you’re around my age, your parents came from a generation that had all kinds of backwards, blinkered attitudes about myriad subjects. The Good Old Days never existed, except in someone’s much-edited memory.
Anyway, there are several different scenarios to talk about here. In one, you have a business small and personal enough to recognize regular customers, and the owners or managers occasionally go out of their way to make these people happy, going above and beyond the call of duty. Then there’s the general business practice, used by large and small alike, that employees should be courteous to customers, and act happy that they’re in the store, rather than cheesed off that someone is cutting into their valuable cell phone chatting time. I don’t think rational employees have ever had a problem with these two approaches.
The third scenario is a large corporation that operates many satellite locations. The corporation ruthlessly enforces myriad policies down to the most minute details of store operation, especially limiting the total work hours of the workforce, and setting revenue requirements. However, at the same time, the corporation has insanely obsequious “customer service” rules that wind up putting employees in a double bind - such as the story above about having limits on work hours, while also requiring the store to stay open as long as customers want to shop. Or requiring the store to make a certain amount of money each month, while also requiring employees to basically give the store away to customers who want to make ridiculous returns, pay with dubious checks, or carry store property home with them.
THIS is what employees really bitch about. Not only does the company require employees to cheerfully bend over for reamings by asshat customers, but the company then turns the employee around and administers its own assfucking when the result is the store not making its numbers.
I maintain that the over-the-top customer appeasement doesn’t even do any good. The jerks who linger in the store till 10 pm rarely buy anything. The crooks who try return scams or check passing learn they can take advantage of that store. Good customers, the ones who spend money and will return again and again, are the people who will understand if they are politely reminded that the store is closing or told no, they can’t take home pieces of the store decor. Assholes who rail about that stuff and write letters to corporate get fawned over, but I doubt they contribute much if anything to the store’s bottom line.
Sweet story, it sounds like your dad is a really nice guy. I don’t personally feel that shames us at all though. Your father let himself be taken advantage of in both of your anecdotes. it sounds like it kept customers coming but I think it’s very sad that business people feel they need to let themselves be walked all over to stay in business.
Thank you, that sentiment drives me batty, too. I know what the Good Old Days were like - Whites Only! Oh, I’m not black, so my family never had the same prejudice blacks did… but we had enough. What I always think of in the Good Old Days is that Good Old Prejudice.
My favourite closing time story is from a local walk-in clinic. I stood in front of this receptionist-type person for five minutes (there was a clock on the wall right beside me), waiting for her to acknowlege my presence as she self-importantly busted around, then when she finally got around to me, I asked her if I could schedule an appointment with a family doctor. No, you cannot - we stop taking appointments at 4:00. I had been standing in front of her since before 4:00, and it was now after 4:00 - she ignored me until it was too late to do what I needed her to do, and knew that I had been standing there since before 4:00. The kicker - there’s a sign in the office saying abuse of staff will not be tolerated. Gee, why would anyone want to abuse this wonderful, caring, professional staff? :rolleyes:
Unauthorized Cinnamon - you reminded me of another of my favorite stories about this nasty-to-work-for-chain.
Returns.
Basically, we’d take anything back as long as it wasn’t worn. Corportate finally instituted a “no return” policy after we wound up with a store full of greasy hats the Monday after every Easter Sunday. (Each customer was told about the policy when they purchased a hat. “No returns on hats” was written on the receipt in red ink. We still got bitches trying to return hats and arguing about it.
But in general, a very liberal return policy.
My favorite was the girl (large economy size, but still a high school student) who threatened my life because I wouldn’t take back an obiviously worn prom dress. The dress stank, had heel marks on the hem, large sweat stains under the arms and the seams were so stretched as to be about to split.
“I ain’t wore that dress. It don fit.” Well, I can tell by the seams that it didn’t fit, but it has been worn by someone. I can’t take it back - corporate will write me up and take it out of my paycheck.
“My momma want her money back for that dress. It don fit.” I’m sorry - the dress has been worn and is damaged. I can’t take it back. Several repetitions of this, with the girl getting louder on each round. Finally, I call over a manager (I was a lowly assistant manager and wasn’t getting my paycheck docked for signing off on this return). The manager goes through several more rounds of the same tired BS, when the girl ups the ante: “My momma gon come down here for her money. This dress ain’t been worn. It don fit.” Manager still refuses to take the dress back.
Finally, after at least a half hour of the same insistance and the same refusal, the girl storms out the door with the dress, pausing to tell me “I know where ya’ll have to park. Me 'n my mamma’ll see you after work. You gon be sorry you didn’t take this fucking dress back.”
I was an entitled bitch once.* I wanted to price some electronic gadget at Radio Shack, and it was only about ten til 8:00, and they closed at 9:00, so I had plenty of time to look around and just browse. I had no intention of buying anything; I just wanted to look.
I was the only customer in the small store, so both employees had plenty of time to get me with the “can I help you find anything?” And they were doing it constantly. Like every two minutes. Really annoying. I just kept saying, “No thanks, I’m just looking,” but after about 40 minutes of this I got a bit short with them. I mean, honestly! Leave me alone! I’m just looking!
I left just before 9:00 without having bought anything and happy to get away from the dumbass irritating clerks. It was only after I left the store that I saw them change the sign to “closed” and noticed that their store hours actually ended at 8:00. Whoops. They had been trying to get me to leave for an hour, were probably prevented by corporate policy from saying so directly, and didn’t even have a sale to show for it at the end. As it turns out I shouldn’t have gotten snippy with them after all.
*Possibly more than once, but this is the only incident that springs to mind.
I confess. I walked into Home Depot last night with 2 minutes before closing. They were actually locking the doors on the other side of the entrance when I snuck in. I heard someone ask “was that a night crew member?” so I walked over and told them I was not. She said “we’re closed.” To which I pleaded that I needed exactly one thing, knew exactly where it was, and would be gone in 2 seconds.
Thankfully, they let me finish, and I got home and got my water heater from massively leaking to just slowly leaking, so I could take a hot shower this morning.
I also thanked them profusely as I left.
There are certainly assholes on both sides of the counter, I will never deny that. And hell, my sups praise my customer service skills very highly - the customers I hate the most believe I’m their best friend in the store, so I must be doing something right. Like in the store I work for, however, the employees aren’t given much in the way of shooing folks out the door, and just have to grin and bear it. My co-worker once got into a sniping match with the manager over the closing issue, telling her that “some of us are on a schedule, you know, and would appreciate getting done close to a reasonable time for our shift.” The manager, who has no family nearby, a boyfriend who barely cares she exists, and nothing much to do but go home at night and sit in the dark, doesn’t understand this.
We also don’t get paid any overtime. Sucks to that.
However, all that said, I agree: there is no excuse for rudeness. But if you’re around after hours, and the cashier’s “have a nice day!” cracks at the end and you realise they didn’t really mean it - cut them a little slack. They did try.
If they didn’t try at all, fuck em. 
To the OP - I hope you decaffed that ass.
That’s pretty good, though I have to say the corporate policy was on your side, so you lose marks for that.
Two return stories from me.
In the very training manual for the store I worked at, employees were instructed to take returns of merchandise that the store never sold. I believe the specific example was CDs. It was a clothing store, but we had a few CDs of our ambient music available for sale. The manual told us that if a customer came in with a Beatles CD, swearing she bought it there, we were to issue a refund. How we were supposed to arrive at a price I don’t know. There’s just so much insanity in that directive, I don’t know where to start.
As for an actual return, I took one memorable one. No death threats, fortunately. But we had a computer system that let us look up purchases in stores and from our catalog by customer information. We would use it when someone had a return without a receipt. This lady came in and returned a scarf she had owned - and clearly used, washed, etc. - for three years.