To the entitled bitch that wouldn't leave my store.

I have a story about a PITA customer that actually got banned from the bookstore I used to work at. She was some well-to-do, local celebrity’s wife, IIRC.

She had 2 kids who she would drop off in the children’s section and go sit in the cafe and drink her chai. The kids were absolute terrors- once they took all the books off the shelves and laid them flat on the floor like paving stones and walked all over them. The little boy also peed all over the place. Of course you couldn’t scold her children or complain about her children’s behavior- how rude! Her kids were banned from the store before she was, so she’d leave them in the car while she sat inside.

Apparently she was a huge bitch about the way her drink was made, but I didn’t work in the cafe. But, even though she was wealthy, she still felt the need to steal the (real) glasses and mugs they gave her- so finally they started putting those little security stickers on them and embarassed the hell out of her when she tried to walk out with them. Needless to say, she was eventually banned too, because all the chais she drank could never compensate for the damage her little hellions did to all those children’s books, and all the cups she stole.

But what really pisses me off is when someone comes in with an outrageous request, e.g. cash back on a return without a receipt, or trying to return damaged merchadise, and you calmly explain the return policy, and they get irate, so you call the manager, who obsequiously grants their outrageous request. I always hated that, the return policy is on the back of the receipt and in huge letters on a sign over my head, but the manager will make an exception for this asshole? One of my old managers was awesome, though, and refused to do that. He actually told one woman who was trying to return more than $100 in damaged books that we couldn’t take them back because they looked like she’d run them over in her car (they did).

These stories make me feel much better about my job and my very cool managers. I work private security for a mall, and we have quite a bit of leeway on how to deal with customers. Basically, my managers expect us to return attitude in kind. If the customer is reasonable and just has a misunderstanding, we should be polite. If the customer is being an asshole, we are allowed a bit more ‘freedom’ in how to deal with them.

For example, we lock our doors at 9PM sharp. We don’t try to kick everyone out before we lock, we do that afterwards, or else it is like herding cats. At one end of the mall, the doors do not have the typical crash bars. I received a call from a customer who wanted out those doors because they parked in that direction. I informed her that there was a door closer to her car that she could use, and advised her to use that. I did not have keys on me at the time, and there was no way that I personally could open that door. I also informed her of this.

She started complaining that I was being rude and she demanded that my manager come down and let her out that specific door right now or else.

My manager went down to talk to her, and provided her with a nicely hand-drawn map of how to get from where she was to the door she could use, and refused to comply with her demands. She was not as amused as we were, and stormed off swearing to never shop here again. I love my boss.

I have a ton of these stories of ‘creative’ ways we deal with unruly and unreasonable customers, but I get the feeling they are probably only interesting to me and my coworkers, so I’ll save you all the time.