# To the girls: what would you do if you had a penis for 24 hours?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 7, 2000, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456 "2000-12-07T09:59:33Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/21 "2000-12-07T17:13:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Astroboy14 \*
> \*\*If it helps the topic any, I am a lesbain trapped in a man’s body \*\*
So when’s the sex change?
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/22 "2000-12-07T17:16:57Z")
I’d get Mr. Athena to give me a blowjob. I want to see what all the hoopla is about. I don’t think he’d be too excited about the idea, though. But turnaround’s fair play!
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### Author:  [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/23 "2000-12-07T17:23:29Z")
Just for your edification, Uni, there’s a book out called “Dick For a Day” which is an anthology of women writers explaining what they’d do if they had one, if you’re really interested. There is, of course, also a companion volume, “Chick For a Day” by male writers, most of whom, it seems, would spend the day masturbating. I’m sure this is shocking news to most of you.
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### Author:  [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/24 "2000-12-07T17:23:32Z")
mmm…hoopla…
🙂
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### Author:  [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/25 "2000-12-07T17:24:57Z")
I too, would get a blowjob. To see if it is really the be-all-end-all, and also have sex. That’s about it.
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### Author:  [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/26 "2000-12-07T17:25:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> There is, of course, also a companion volume, “Chick For a Day” by male writers, most of whom, it seems, would spend the day masturbating
And this would be different than my normal routine…how? 😃
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### Author:  [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/27 "2000-12-07T17:41:11Z")
First - I’ll just assume that the testicles come along with the package. (no pun intended)
We were just talking about this in the office the other day.
Here is what I would like to do, if I could do anything -
1. Get a blow job. I want to know what all the fuss is about.
2. Have sex. And with different women - I want to see what the differences are.
3. This goes with #2 - get someone pregnant. THAT would be interesting.
4. Masturbate.
I know these all have to do with playing with the penis but sheesh, if I’ve only got 24 hours - I have to see what all I can do with the thing. I’m sure that if I got to do all this, I’d ben shooting blanks by the end of the night but oh well.
1. Walk into a men’s bathroom and break all the rules. Chat with someone at the urinal - stare at another guy’s penis, etc.
Tibs
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### Author:  [@klepto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/klepto)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/28 "2000-12-07T18:08:25Z")
I would bang all those chicks who have said, “If you were a guy, i would [insert sexual, invariably illegal act], but…” Damn imaginary-cock teases.
That, and spank it.
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### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/29 "2000-12-07T18:26:59Z")
Sometimes it seems like there’s a [song](http://www.yellowtailrecords.com/lyrics/lyr_ub1.html#penis) about everything.
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### Author:  [@uberDave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uberDave)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/30 "2000-12-07T18:40:46Z")
That \*\*Eve[\b]. Such style. Such grace. Such perversion. Thank you.
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### Author:  [@lolagranola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lolagranola)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/31 "2000-12-07T19:34:53Z")
Definitely have sex, get a blow job and masturbate. All in 24 hours? I’m sure it can be done.
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### Author:  [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/32 "2000-12-07T20:17:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by hypergirl \*
> \*\*Pee standing up
> Jack off
> Get head
> Get laid. \*\*
Yeah, that’s the same order of events in life that most men learn to use their penis.
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### Author:  [@GolfWidow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GolfWidow)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/33 "2000-12-07T20:18:21Z")
Between the obligatory blow jobs, sex and marking my territory anywhere and everywhere, I’d like to wander around in public “adjusting” it; to be able to touch yourself in public without anyone giving it a second thought.
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### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/34 "2000-12-07T20:38:08Z")
“PENIS ENVY”
by Uncle Bonsai
(Sung by two women)
[ul]If I had a penis
I’d wear it outside
In cafes and car lots
With pomp and with pride
If I had a penis
I’d pamper it proper
I’d stay in the tub
And use me as a stopper
If I had a penis
I’d take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it
And shove it at smarties
I’d take it to pet shows
And teach it to stay
I’d stuff it in turkeys
On Thanksgiving Day
I’d rival my buddies
In sports cars and stick shifts
I’d shower my spire
With girlies and gifts
I’d peek around corners
I’d aim at my toilet
I’d poke it at foreigners
I’d soap it and oil it
If I had a penis
I’d run to my mother
Comb out the hair
And compare it to brother
I’d lance her, I’d knight her
My hands would indulge
Pants would seem tighter
And buckle and bulge
A penis to plunder
A penis to push
'Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody’s there
I’d sit like a boy
I’d straddle the chair
I’d play with my fly
Albeit with care
I’d dip it in chocolate
I’d stick it in sockets
I’d stroll to the movies
With hands deep in pockets
I’d stick in vacuums
On vacant verandahs
Gas guzzling Volvos
And poodles and pandas
In puddles and drainpipes
In doggies and ditches
Pool halls and potholes
And bottles and bitches
Zucchinis and zebras
Tomatoes, tomatoes
In pineapples, pumpkins
And gulches and grottos
In melons and marshmallows
Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas
A penis to plunder
A penis to push
'Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody’s there
If I had a penis
I’d climb every mountain
I’d force it on females
I’d pee like a fountain
If I had a penis
I’d still be a girl
But I’d make much more money
And conquer the world.[/ul]
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### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/35 "2000-12-07T22:04:45Z")
Do I still have a vagina? I’d give new meaning to the words “Go fuck yourself”
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### Author:  [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/36 "2000-12-07T22:34:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by lolagranola \*
> \*\*Definitely have sex, get a blow job and masturbate. All in 24 hours? I’m sure it can be done. \*\*
You bet your sweet bippy it can. The order might be varied though.
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### Author:  [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/37 "2000-12-07T22:44:06Z")
Well, first I would measure it…
:eek:
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### Author:  [@Melpomene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melpomene)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/38 "2000-12-07T23:05:27Z")
A. Get a blowjob
B. Fuck something (repeat this one a lot)
C. Masturbate
D. Flash someone
I have always wondered what it would be like to f\*\*\* something…
Am I sick?
:eek:
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### Author:  [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)
#### Post date: [December 7, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/39 "2000-12-07T23:51:17Z")
Cry and hide from my husband until it went away. ☹
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### Author:  [@SeaDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDiver)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2000, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-girls-what-would-you-do-if-you-had-a-penis-for-24-hours/44456/40 "2000-12-08T00:44:42Z")
Hey, we’re forgetting an important part here- you have to give it a name first!
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