# To the lady who called me a homophobic fucktard the other day **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 25, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080 "2005-07-25T17:11:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/21 "2005-07-25T18:42:14Z")
> [@stegon66](#): > > Yeah! Maybe we should pass laws that only allow people of the same age to get married. > :rolleyes: Did I say anything about making it illegal? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/22 "2005-07-25T18:43:30Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Asking if her spouse was her daughter was a shitty thing to do. If she’d said, “Yes,” then she could’ve gone into the bar. He was giving her a chance to tell a white lie in order to get what she wanted. How, again, is that shitty? Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/23 "2005-07-25T18:43:33Z")
Now, see, the “legal guardian” thing would have thrown me. That, not the wedding ring, would have made me ask, “Is she your daughter?” I would have seen the wedding ring as a _non sequitur_…until it occurred to me that the “legal guardian” statement was the real _non sequitur_. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/24 "2005-07-25T18:52:00Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Understood that you’re just following the posted rules, and glad to hear that the bar enforces them even-handedly in that a similarly-situated mixed-sex married couple would encounter the same refusal, this right here is where I can see her getting pissed off. > > You knew damn well what she was indicating by pointing to her wedding ring. You knew she wasn’t indicating that her spouse was her daughter. You knew she was indicating her spouse was her spouse. Asking if her spouse was her daughter was a shitty thing to do. I disagree. The woman said “I’m her legal guardian.” That would not include a spousal relationship (and in this case, the “marriage” was not even legally recognized). Asking for clarification of “legal guardianship” is perfectly fair. I would have been confused too, even though I might _think_ I knew what the woman was saying, I would still try to make sure I wasn’t mistaken and inquire as to whether there was any legitimate “legal guardianship” going on. I would guess that **lord Ashtar** would probably have done the same thing if the 44 year had been a MAN and said “I’m her legal guardian.” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/25 "2005-07-25T19:00:57Z")
> [@andros](#): > > Well, sort of. “Midgets” are small people–standard human proportions, just scaled down. It’s a classification, not a condition, and is indeed seen as a fairly derogatory term. Dwarfism, however, is a physiological > condition involving both short stature and varying degrees of disproportion. Little people are little people, and some suffer from dwarfism. I learned on this board that midgets (regular human proportions but smaller) result from glandular issues that are more easily correctable, so that they are rarely seen anymore while dwarves are. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/26 "2005-07-25T19:02:54Z")
How dumb was this woman? Didn’t anyone tell her she was in Virginia? Isn’t this one of the states that no longer recognize _civil unions_ between people of the same gender? And she was expecting her marriage to carry any water with whatever bureau enforces laws about “minors” being in bars? And then she goes off on a bouncer for not breaking the law for her! What a moron. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/27 "2005-07-25T19:03:20Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > If she’d said, “Yes,” then she could’ve gone into the bar. He was giving her a chance to tell a white lie in order to get what she wanted. How, again, is that shitty? I would never ever do such a thing. It’s against ABC regulations. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/28 "2005-07-25T19:07:27Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > For those who don’t follow my life like it’s an episode of The Amazing Race, I moonlight as a bouncer at a pool hall. That wouldn’t be a Fast Eddies, would it? ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/29 "2005-07-25T19:13:17Z")
Did she actually say “fucktard”? Someone asked that above, but if you answered I didn’t see it. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/30 "2005-07-25T19:13:31Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > The fact that she’s 44 and “married” to a 20 year old is not exactly an indication of emotional maturity either. I feel sorry for the 20 year old. Have you heard about this story out of Britain? A 70-year-old great grandmother married her 31-year-old boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/31 "2005-07-25T19:15:40Z")
I agree **LA** that you did absolutely nothing wrong. A question though about qualifying as a “legal gaurdian”: Can a father bring in his underage son and son’s underage friend? What about if the actual son isn’t present? Seems like there’s some room for debate here, no? ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/32 "2005-07-25T19:16:08Z")
> [@](#): > > For those who don’t follow my life like it’s an episode of The Amazing Race, I moonlight as a bouncer at a pool hall. It’s an easy job. Relaxed atmosphere, most of the patrons are regulars, and I don’t usually have to crack skulls or kick anyone out. **Lord Ashtar** , have you seen this guy’s blog? Great stuff, I think. [http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com/](http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/33 "2005-07-25T19:17:16Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > That wouldn’t be a Fast Eddies, would it? Bungalow Billiards, actually. _Pool and Brew and Great Food Too![sup]TM[/sup]_ ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/34 "2005-07-25T19:18:45Z")
> [@Moe](#): > > A question though about qualifying as a “legal gaurdian”: Can a father bring in his underage son and son’s underage friend? What about if the actual son isn’t present? > > Seems like there’s some room for debate here, no? That’s a good question. I know he’d be able to bring in his son without a problem. Could he bring his son’s friend? I don’t know the answer to that. I’ll ask my manager next time I’m there. Good question. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/35 "2005-07-25T19:20:36Z")
And yes, she did say “fucktard”. If she wasn’t being so rude to me I probably would’ve asked her if she was a doper, since I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else say that. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/36 "2005-07-25T19:21:13Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > You heard someone actually _say_ “fucktard”? The thin skinned lesbian is a DOPER! ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/37 "2005-07-25T19:26:01Z")
> [@Belowjob2.0](#): > > **Lord Ashtar** , have you seen this guy’s blog? Great stuff, I think. > [http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com/](http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com/) That reminds me of a MPSIMS thread I started shortly after I took this job. [Linky poo.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=318560) ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/38 "2005-07-25T19:44:46Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > If she’d said, “Yes,” then she could’ve gone into the bar. He was giving her a chance to tell a white lie in order to get what she wanted. How, again, is that shitty? It disrespects their relationship. > [@DtC](#): > > Asking for clarification of “legal guardianship” is perfectly fair. First, I think you’re assuming that this woman was aware of what does and doesn’t constitute “legal guardian” in regards to entering a bar. Second, when would a parent _ever_ point to a wedding ring to indicate a parental relationship? Finally, there were ways the OP could’ve asked for this “clarification” that didn’t disrespect the relationship. “Is she your daughter?” when the woman has pointed to a wedding ring is ridiculous. If **Lord Ashtar** honestly couldn’t figure out what pointing at a wedding ring meant despite being “pretty sure [he] understood what she was saying,” simply asking “I’m sorry, what is your relationship” gets that clarification without being insulting about it. I’m not saying the OP is a 'phobe but I can’t say as I don’t understand why the woman would be upset about the manner she was questioned. > [@Miller](#): > > How dumb was this woman? Didn’t anyone tell her she was in Virginia? Isn’t this one of the states that no longer recognize civil unions between people of the same gender? And she was expecting her marriage to carry any water with whatever bureau enforces laws about “minors” being in bars? And then she goes off on a bouncer for not breaking the law for her! What a moron. The OP said that this was a “rule” of the bar, not a law. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/39 "2005-07-25T19:55:32Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > If she wasn’t being so rude to me I probably would’ve asked her if she was a **doper** … [bolding mine] Probably best you didn’t. I don’t think she would’ve taken kindly to the accusation of being a drug addict. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080/40 "2005-07-25T20:03:28Z")
Someone else mentioned this, and it befuddles me too. Do 20 year olds have legal guardians? I thought that only people under 18 would need a legal guardian. I can see that it might be a phrase that’s easiest to use and be understood in the context of parents taking their children to bars, but outside of a parent and child relationship, I can’t see how on earth this woman would think that just because she’s older than her wife that she would be her wife’s legal guardian. It seems really creepy. ZJ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-lady-who-called-me-a-homophobic-fucktard-the-other-day/314080.md?page=3)