# To the miserable bastards who egged my car **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 3, 2005, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403 "2005-08-03T09:02:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/1 "2005-08-03T09:02:10Z")
if I ever find out who you are, I’ll be basting the pages of a dozen hardcore gay porn mags to your cars with the runny yolk of a dozen eggs EVERY OTHER WEEK, you goat felcher felching pricks. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/2 "2005-08-03T09:23:26Z")
Can’t you take a yolk? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/3 "2005-08-03T11:12:38Z")
I used to love egging things. It’s a very satisfying form of mischief. You could take it out on me if you don’t find them. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/4 "2005-08-03T12:42:15Z")
Wow. You have THAT MUCH gay porn lying around? ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/5 "2005-08-03T12:59:07Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > Wow. > > You have THAT MUCH gay porn lying around? I want to make a joke about pasting it down with egg **whites** instead of the yolks, but the exact phrasing escapes me. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/6 "2005-08-03T14:03:16Z")
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way **Trunk** , but I definately give at least your past self a big [fuck you](http://www.finishing.com/230/16.shtml). :mad: And in actual fact I would let an experienced purveyor of pornography help in the selection of the raunchiest rags available. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/7 "2005-08-03T16:10:14Z")
> [@Nanoda](#): > > if I ever find out who you are, I’ll be basting the pages of a dozen hardcore gay porn mags to your cars with the runny yolk of a dozen eggs EVERY OTHER WEEK, you goat felcher felching pricks. > > :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: Did you box somebody in a parking spot? That was the standard retaliation round these parts. But I’m guessing this was just another random case of teenage vandalism. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/8 "2005-08-03T16:27:58Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Did you box somebody in a parking spot? That was the standard retaliation round these parts. > \ Ah yes, retaliation - a healthy part of driving. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/9 "2005-08-03T16:33:11Z")
I prefer leaving notes reading “Learn to park, asshole” as someone did to my friend sophomore year. He wasn’t _that_ badly parked; however, its’ a nice way to make someone who deserves it look/feel like a tool. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/10 "2005-08-03T16:52:29Z")
If I ever decided someone’s parking job was atrocious enough to require censure, I’d go the note route too. There’s room enough to park a dozen cars on this crecent; it was just some punks tooling around throwing eggs out the window, as this morning I found out at least two other cars got hit. I guess it was good I had to take it in to get a tire fixed this morning, since I went out at 2am to clear the junk out of my car and washed it off. I have to say there are better things to do at 3 in the morning though. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/11 "2005-08-03T17:08:40Z")
Once, there was a boy who liked to throw things. He started out throwing eggs. Then, he threw the big game. Then, he threw back a shot of whiskey. Then he threw up. Then he got thrown out of the house, and then he moved into a **van down by the river!** —[Matt Foley, motivational speaker](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/93/93emattfoley.phtml) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/12 "2005-08-04T00:39:53Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Ah yes, retaliation - a healthy part of driving. Well, not really part of driving, per se. But, no, I certainly do not condone the practice. I’ve had acquainances getting their car windows smashed in for parking in front of somebody’s house–mind you, legally–and not moving their car. Some dude came out yelling “move your car!” and shit. My friend refused and went about her business. When she came back, her car was sans driverside windows. Somebody on here had a rather similar experience by parking in somebody’s “reserved” spot during a Chicago window. Yes, it’s stupid, unhealthy, and I don’t condone it. I’m just saying it’s not all random vandalism. There is an “unwritten code of the neighborhood,” if you will. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/13 "2005-08-04T00:41:15Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > somebody’s “reserved” spot during a Chicago window. That should be “Chicago winter.” ---
**Author:** ![RyJae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@RyJae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RyJae)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/14 "2005-08-04T01:10:42Z")
Just don’t go this route, it will probably cause you more anguish then a new paint job and cost you more too. [Killed eggers](http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050803/NEWS01/50803008) > [@](#): > > Donald E. Ware, 37, Avon, was charged with murder in connection with the July 24 death of Brandon Dunson. He was charged with battery for the wounding of another boy, two counts of criminal recklessness for shooting at other teens involved in the prank and possession of marijuana. > Brandon and other teenagers were throwing eggs at vehicles in the area of Rockville and Girls School roads on the Far Westside. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/15 "2005-08-04T01:24:20Z")
I feel your pain, Nanoda. Someone egged my truck and it actually shattered the paint. Real funny. The other weekend I got a knock on the door from the El Cerrito PD at 6:30am, some shitstain had been driving around with a pellet gun shooting out car windows…$180 damage to my truck, $400 to my g/f’s car and a few thousand more to many other cars around the area. Felony vandalism. Really need to do something stupid? Fine, TP my house or soap my windows or something, don’t do permanent damage. ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/16 "2005-08-04T17:18:59Z")
> [@Nanoda](#): > > And in actual fact I would let an experienced purveyor of pornography help in the selection of the raunchiest rags available. Smoove B, is that you? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-miserable-bastards-who-egged-my-car/315403/17 "2005-08-04T18:21:00Z")
However many eggs were busted on your car should be hardboiled, and inserted (in the shell and still hot) into the culprit’s rectum. If you all want to dress up in white fatigues and re-enact the egg scene from **Cool Hand Lunke** , so much the better.