# To the moderators **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [July 21, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521 "2006-07-21T19:16:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/1 "2006-07-21T19:16:30Z")
I’m a message board virgin. I’ve never browsed or posted on any message board before I found this one. So, ever since I started lurking on these boards more than four years ago, and finally joined this year, a question has been nagging me: Do the moderators actually read every post in every thread on their board, or do they just respond to user complaints? I just want to understand the job of the almighty mod, so I can model my life after them. I want to be a mod when I grow up. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2006, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/2 "2006-07-21T19:26:43Z")
Well, first of all I am going to move this post to **About This Message Board** where it would better belong. To answer for myself: I do not read every post in my forums. I try to read, or at worst skim, every OP (though I can’t always). I am fortunate to serve forums that interest me, so I do a lot of reading and just keep an eye out. I also respond to reported posts as well, which is the best way to get a moderator’s attention. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2006, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/3 "2006-07-21T19:35:48Z")
I pay **fluiddruid** to do my reading for me. She gets a farthing per word. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/4 "2006-07-21T19:52:34Z")
Most of the moderators pay **fluiddruid** to do their reading, as they cannot read themselves. Several of them can’t even tie their own shoes, hence the extremely popular saying, “Like a Dope Moderator’s slip ons!” The admins, tho, are a different breed altogether. Or should I say species? They are not Human, but are super evolved jellyfish with microprocessor enhanced manipulative organs. This explains the even more excessively popular saying, “Like a Dope Admin crapping in the deep blue sea!” Of course, the real power on these boards is held by the MPSIMS Guru, **Bosda d-chi of Tricor** , or whatever the hell his username is. He holds ultimate veto power on any descision made on these boards, weilding that power like a wet trout to the back of a head. This explains the ultimate saying of popularity, namely, “Where’s Bosda?” Just thought I’d help. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2006, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/5 "2006-07-21T19:56:52Z")
I pay **SkipMagic** to pay **fluiddruid** to read my posts for…wait a minute… Actually, my method is similar to **fluiddruid**. Skim, look at titles (you can tell a lot about a post by the title) and then rely on you to report the rest. And I try to respond to the posters who report bad posts after I determine the best course of action. > [@](#): > > I want to be a mod when I grow up. A fine choice of [sub]underachiever[/sub] career there, my friend… ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/6 "2006-07-21T22:01:58Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > The admins, tho, are a different breed altogether. Or should I say species? They are not Human, but are super evolved jellyfish with microprocessor enhanced manipulative organs. This explains the even more excessively popular saying, “Like a Dope Admin crapping in the deep blue sea!” Or sometimes just farthing in the deep blue sea. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2006, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/7 "2006-07-21T23:35:13Z")
I can’t afford either **Skip Magic’s** or **fluiddruid’s** mark-up for reading. I try to read all the posts in every thread in the Pit every day but most often it just ain’t possible. Pesky stuff like work gets in the way. Maybe I _could_ read and post from work but I don’t. It’s just a really lousy idea for me for a lot of reasons. That means that I usually don’t get caught up until evening, by which time a lot of problems have already been caught and solved. Anyway, that means a lot of reading in a relatively short period of time. I don’t kid myself that such fast skimming equals precision. That’s why I appreciate the ‘report this’ function so much. Too much negative emphasis is put on ‘tattling’. A lot of reports are for routine coding fixes, housekeeping things, etc. that we’re happy to do but might miss. Reports are a huge help in drawing our attention to problems fast. “Clean up in aisle four!” isn’t entirely a joke. My biggest regret is that crunched time doesn’t allow more thanks to posters who do report problems. > [@dmatsch](#): > > I just want to understand the job of the almighty mod, so I can model my life after them. I want to be a mod when I grow up. Don’t be misled by our nifty black outfits. Crappy faux leather doesn’t _breathe_, y’know? We aren’t fascists by nature; it’s just the damned chafing. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/8 "2006-07-22T00:15:55Z")
> [@\*\*NoClueBoy\*\*](#): > > Most of the moderators pay **fluiddruid** to do their reading, as they cannot read themselves. Several of them can’t even tie their own shoes, hence the extremely popular saying, “Like a Dope Moderator’s slip ons!” > > The admins, tho, are a different breed altogether. Or should I say species? They are not Human, but are super evolved jellyfish with microprocessor enhanced manipulative organs. This explains the even more excessively popular saying, “Like a Dope Admin crapping in the deep blue sea!” > > Of course, the real power on these boards is held by the MPSIMS Guru, **Bosda d-chi of Tricor** , or whatever the hell his username is. He holds ultimate veto power on any descision made on these boards, weilding that power like a wet trout to the back of a head. This explains the ultimate saying of popularity, namely, “Where’s Bosda?” > > Just thought I’d help. \ ---
**Author:** ![SoulFrost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f07891/32.png) [@SoulFrost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoulFrost)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/9 "2006-07-22T00:40:33Z")
Hence the oft-heard expression, “HEY! Watch where you put those microprocessor enhanced manipulative organs! Thanks for warming them up first! 'Preciate it – now I have an igloo on my crotch! Hey! HEY! That does not go there!” ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/10 "2006-07-22T02:47:27Z")
As with others, I do a lot of skimming. Some threads I stay on top of because either they interest me or I can tell they might be trouble. Members reporting issues is pretty much indispensable to me. And, I can too tie my own shoes, though sometimes I must extricate myself from the fish tank following the adventure. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/11 "2006-07-22T05:13:32Z")
I generally use a chi compass and the severed head of a chicken to determine which posts need my attention. I used to use Spider-Sense a lot more, but it just doesn’t tingle the way it used to since the board went pay-to-play. I pay **fluiddruid** to tie my shoes for me. Oh, shoot, I wasn’t supposed to tell you I was a mod! Oops… ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/12 "2006-07-22T15:06:53Z")
For me, it varies by forum, content, and what my life is like that day. I tend to read every post in Comments on Staff Reports. I certainly read reported posts in Cafe Society, and I read threads where I have an interest. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2006, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-moderators/365521/13 "2006-07-23T13:37:42Z")
Thank you very much, almighty mods for giving me an insight on the life that I can only hope to lead. Until that day comes, I will take it upon myself to act as a moderator in every office conversation regardless of the fact that I might not be actually involved in said conversation. My cow-orkers will inevitably appreciate me for this and will sing praises and name their children in my image.