# To the poor idiot who stole my shoes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 22, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803 "2006-04-22T23:28:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mcott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@mcott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcott)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/1 "2006-04-22T23:28:23Z")
Frankly, this is in the pit because of the fucker who caused me to leave my shoes outside at my door in the first place. If I ever see you let your dog take a massive shit on my front walk again without bagging it, I will make it painful for you. As for the person who needed shoes that badly, that they would steal a pair of shit encrusted running shoes, I hope at least you clean them before wearing them. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2006, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/2 "2006-04-22T23:54:10Z")
> [@mcott](#): > > Frankly, this is in the pit because of the fucker who caused me to leave my shoes outside at my door in the first place. If I ever see you let your dog take a massive shit on my front walk again without bagging it, I will make it painful for you. > > As for the person who needed shoes that badly, that they would steal a pair of shit encrusted running shoes, I hope at least you clean them before wearing them. I am imagining a clever shoe thief slipping his dog an Ex-Lax milkbone. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/3 "2006-04-23T03:07:11Z")
I am imagining the thief thought it was mud. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/4 "2006-04-23T03:13:38Z")
In high school my then boyfriend took me to one of his friend’s apartments to hang out. When I got there I realized there was dog poop in the deep treads of my brand new running shoes which I had paid for myself. I hopped over to the door into the hallway and left the one shoe outside. When we went to leave a short time later my shoe was gone. We looked and looked, no shoe. Who the hell needs one shoe. Very rude, someone just took it to be “funny”. 25 years later it still makes me mad. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/5 "2006-04-23T04:10:54Z")
Yeah, I guess one must need 'em pretty bad if they’re willing to steal shit-covered shoes. When I was still living on Rue Chateau-Landon in Paris, I was down at the laundromat one day. I was by myself, no one else was in the place, and as usual I was hanging out in front watching the street activity rather than sitting inside staring at the walls. A guy walks past, goes inside, walks right over to the dryer in which I am drying some of my girlfriend’s and my things, opens the door and starts rummaging through the clothes. After a moment he turns around and sees me staring at him through the window. He puts everything back in the dryer, closes the door, comes back out and asks, “Are those yours?” “Yes”, sez I, as I step forward, fully intending to clock him one. Before I can do so, he hastily says “au revoir” and runs off. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/6 "2006-04-23T04:34:12Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > In high school my then boyfriend took me to one of his friend’s apartments to hang out. When I got there I realized there was dog poop in the deep treads of my brand new running shoes which I had paid for myself. You _paid_ for dog crap? ---
**Author:** ![alaricthegoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4bbf92/32.png) [@alaricthegoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alaricthegoth)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/7 "2006-04-23T07:53:33Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > In high school my then boyfriend took me to one of his friend’s apartments to hang out. When I got there I realized there was dog poop in the deep treads of my brand new running shoes which I had paid for myself. > > I hopped over to the door into the hallway and left the one shoe outside. When we went to leave a short time later my shoe was gone. We looked and looked, no shoe. > > Who the hell needs one shoe. Very rude, someone just took it to be “funny”. 25 years later it still makes me mad. have you no heart?!! Is it not obvious that some poor amputee, his/her one foot bloody and wounded from unprotected hopping, saw your exiled footwear as heaven-sent salvation, the more so as it might well appear to be refuse, considering a)its condition and b)the absence of a mate, which might easily be construed to signify that it constituted one-half of a pair the second of which had met some terminal catastrophe…perhaps, our hypothetical stumpy might have thought, the second was SO shit-encrusted that it was left in the field, so to speak, while the unfortunate owner (that would be you)hopped home on the CLEANER of the two. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/8 "2006-04-23T08:08:00Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > Who the hell needs one shoe. Very rude, someone just took it to be “funny”. A single shoe covered in dog crap? I believe your thief was in fact a dog. And probably the same conclusion can be drawn for the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/9 "2006-04-23T12:23:45Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Yeah, I guess one must need 'em pretty bad if they’re willing to steal shit-covered shoes. Why? If someone is already inclined to steal things, a pair of expensive sneakers is no less attractive just because they have a little dog poo in them. It washes off, you know. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/10 "2006-04-23T14:13:21Z")
Well, now, if the question is, am I gonna get in an argument with some mook on a message board over the relative attractiveness to thieves of shit-smeared shoes, then I’m pretty sure the answer is no. But good luck, maybe someone else will play. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/11 "2006-04-23T20:38:37Z")
Who was it whos said “Never Judge A Man Until You’ve Walked A Mile In His Shoes - because then you’re a mile away, and you’ve got his shoes.”? ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/12 "2006-04-23T22:58:38Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > A single shoe covered in dog crap? I believe your thief was in fact a dog. Or a resident of a neighboring apartment who disliked having a smelly, poopy _single_ shoe discarded in the hallway, and threw it into the garbage where it obviously belonged. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mrs\_Johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_Johnson)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/13 "2006-04-24T02:47:07Z")
Next time put crap \*\*inside \*\*the shoe. Maybe the thief will learn a lesson. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/14 "2006-04-24T19:43:20Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Who was it whos said “Never Judge A Man Until You’ve Walked A Mile In His Shoes - because then you’re a mile away, and you’ve got his shoes.”? Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts, for one. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/15 "2006-04-24T20:12:15Z")
> [@alaricthegoth](#): > > have you no heart?!! Is it not obvious that some poor amputee, his/her one foot bloody and wounded from unprotected hopping, saw your exiled footwear as heaven-sent salvation, the more so as it might well appear to be refuse, considering a)its condition and b)the absence of a mate, which might easily be construed to signify that it constituted one-half of a pair the second of which had met some terminal catastrophe…perhaps, our hypothetical stumpy might have thought, the second was SO shit-encrusted that it was left in the field, so to speak, while the unfortunate owner (that would be you)hopped home on the CLEANER of the two. I was sad because I had no shoes. Then I saw a man with no feet. So I took his shoes. 'Cause what’s he need them for? ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/16 "2006-04-24T22:04:52Z")
> [@mcott](#): > > …I hope at least you clean them before wearing them. You’re a better person than I am. _I’d_ hope that they own an expensive rug. ---
**Author:** ![alaricthegoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4bbf92/32.png) [@alaricthegoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alaricthegoth)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/17 "2006-04-25T05:00:57Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > I was sad because I had no shoes. Then I saw a man with no feet. So I took his shoes. 'Cause what’s he need them for? I see the germ of a very lucrative non-profit (don’t ask me to explain, trust me, si se puedes), matching right and left footed residuals, (so to speak) of the same shoe size, to end the tiresome glut in thrift stores of singletons… ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/18 "2006-04-25T05:34:03Z")
> [@alaricthegoth](#): > > I see the germ of a very lucrative non-profit (don’t ask me to explain, trust me, si se puedes), matching right and left footed residuals, (so to speak) of the same shoe size, to end the tiresome glut in thrift stores of singletons… Well, you’d have to compete with [these organizations](http://www.amputee-coalition.org/fact_sheets/oddshoe.html) who provide that service without expecting to profit from it. Although I don’t think any of them has added stealing dogshit-encrusted single shoes from other people to their repertoire. There may be some money in that. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/19 "2006-04-25T07:27:42Z")
Am I the only person who now has the Civil War song “Ol’ Abner’s Shoes” (“Lay ten dollars down/or twenty if you choose/for I can whip the hide off the scoundrel who stole Ol’ [Abner’s shoes](http://www.geocities.com/Texasgroundhornets/songbook/abnershoes.htm)”) stuck in his head? I’m guessing probably. Really need to get out more. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803/20 "2006-04-25T14:39:53Z")
**Sampiro** , You _were_. It’s too soon to tell if you _are_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-poor-idiot-who-stole-my-shoes/353803.md?page=2)