To the spermstain who drove 0.001 inches behind me today

The BBQ Pit
21

I hate tailgaters, they are second in line only to those who change lanes w/o signalling on my list of people who need die slow painful deaths for traffic offenses. Since I’m not yet empowred by any recognized legal authority to torture tailgaters to death I’ve had to find other means to punish them. I’ve found that the most effective way to work them into a frothing rage is to make 'em go even slower than they already are. I usually start with a quick brake-check just so they start paying attention again once they see the lights flash. If that doesn’t work I’ll hit 'em again a couple times hard enough to slow the car down. This scares off most casual tailgaters but the real professionals stick in there, close enough that I can’t see their liscense plate. At this point I just take my foot off the gas until I’m going the posted minimum speed. This really pisses them off because not only are they going really slow now but are often going too slow to easily merge into the fast lane to get around me. When I’m really lucky drivers in other lanes will play along and we’ll form a wall of bumpers (at or near the speed limit usually) and watch with glee as the tailgater drifts from lane to lane unable to pass any of us.

A couple of years ago I was on a pretty long road trip, and on one of the legs I was driving on I-10, east through Alabama on my way to New Orleans. Now as it happens I-10 passes through a tunnel under the river in Mobile. Tunnels being tunnels the speed limit is IIRC 40mph. Since the rental car wasn’t under my name I really didn’t want to get pulled for speeding so I was obeying the limit everywhere I went, including this tunnel. The semi driver behind me had different ideas about what constituted a safe speed in the tunnel and sought to encourage me to speed up by tailgating me close enough that I couldn’t see anything else in any of my mirrors. I did the standard brake check routine as above and this simply pissed him off more. Ever hear a semi’s air horn from two feet away in a tunnel? It’s really fucking loud, I mean like scary loud. So fearing a fatal collision I let the car slow down until I felt safe. He never picked up on the fact if he backed off a little we’d at least do the speed limit. As a result we emerged from that tunnel crawling at 25mph. Once we emerged I punched it up to 65, the speed limit and continued on my merry way. When he caught up and overtook me he was doing at least 80 or 90. Sadly I was not treated with the site of a jackknifed tractor trailer on the side of the road later on :slight_smile:

22

While the rest of your rant was swell…I fail to see how this can be considered a slur. :wink:

23

Bwahahahahaha! That’s beautiful.

24

I have a couple of general rules;

If you are being passed on the right, then you are in the wrong.

If you are in the left lane and being tailgated, you are the idiot. If you are in the right lane being tailgated, the other driver is the idiot.

Here in Minnesota, if you hit someone from behind, you are automatically at fault, unless the other person is cited for a violation that caused the accident. Locking up the brakes on the freeway might just be considered a violation.

My favorite response is simply to take my foot off the gas pedal and slow naturally until they get the clue. Believe it or not, I’ve had to slow to 40mph (the “minimum speed” for the freeway in question) on occasion, then add hand gestures for a couple of people who refused to take the hint.

That’s one thing I just don’t understand. Here are two of the more egregious examples;

On westbound I-94 in western Wisconsin, on a Sunday Morning about 10am, cruise control set at 65, the speed limit. I’m in the right lane, enjoying the morning. Car with three people in it comes screaming up behind me (initially in the left lane) at over 80 mph. Rips over just behind me and hits the brakes. Over the next 5 miles, they slowly crawl up my ass, going from being 10’ behind me to being so close I can’t see their grill! I turn off the cruise and slow to about 48 mph before they pull over into the left lane.

Ah, but then they sit right next to me for the next 5 miles, no matter how fast or slow I drive. I decide I’ve had enough of the game and put my cruise back on 65. They pull over behind me and start creeping up my ass again.

When they’re at “can’t see the grill” distance again, I turn off the cruise again and give them the finger. They stay behind me, down to 30mph. So I punch it. Up to 95 mph, get about a mile ahead of them, move back to the right and slow to 65.

They come rocketing ahead, get on my ass again. I locked up the brakes. They refused to move out from behind me. I drove 30mph for a good half mile before another car passed me, at which point they glued themselves to that car’s bumper and continued on ahead of me. I pulled off the freeway (off-ramp) and sat for 2-3 minutes just to make sure they were well away.

#2: Again a sunday morning, I am coming home from the cabin up north. Gal gets on my ass and sits 10’ from me. No other cars visible on the road for at least a mile ahead and behind me. I try three times to slow and give her a chance to pass me, but she refuses to do so. I tried once to speed up, but she did too. So I finally locked up the brakes and stopped at the end of someone’s driveway, off the road. She locks up her brakes and stops in the middle of the road, blocking both directions, then proceeds to get out of her car and scream at me. What I did to deserve that is a very good question. How stupid she was, to stop in the middle of the road in the middle of nowhere and berate a strange man who was very angry is another good question.

25

I agree.

As the tailgater has set the distance between their car and mine, I am forced to drive at the speed for which that distance is safe. Even if that speed is 40km/h. If I can’t pull over, I see no other safe alternative.

26

My dream attachment for the back windscreen, similar or part of the windscreen brake light, is to have a message board.
One could get one’s co-pilot to put in the pithy and educational remark (eg ‘Too Close, if I brake suddenly you will rear-end me’ etc) and the person following at the unsafe distance would not only back off, but would also be educated.
I would buy that - wouldn’t you?

27

MelCthefirst, race you to the patent office! I’ve had that idea too. Put the controls on the dash, with maybe 4 or 5 buttons for common phrases you’d need (too close, cops ahead, etc). I think it’d sell well.

28

I might use words a little… stronger than that, Mel, but the general idea is good!

29

Just a WAG, but based on the tailgaters that hang on me, 95% are:

  1. Teenage and early twentysomething ricers, where for some readon aggressive drivng is looked upon as being cool;

  2. Involved in construction and the building trades; because they’re driving jacked up pickup trucks, when they finally pass they all have shiny metal saddle boxes in the truck bed, and they have a redneck/Confederate look about them, and

  3. Type A corporate “robust end-to-end e-business solution” folks and attorneys, because they’re chisled faced men in suits driving expensive cars.

30

I have thought about stronger wording, however, I think the device should mainly be used for education. Perhaps it should have a block for any swearing etc, as these words may lead to road rage. Also, everyone thinks they are in the right, a quick ‘fuck off wanker’ here or there, may not educate the offender as to what he/she is doing that is so damned annoying/dangerous.

31

Truly a unique solution, if not an advisable one.

32

Semi drivers are about the only ones that regularly tailgate me. The country east of here is quite rugged, and the road is one lane each way with no significant shoulders and few passing lanes. Semi drivers like to roar down the hills and take runs at going up the next ones. That can cause difficulty for anyone not wanting to go a great deal more than the speed limit. And yes, the semi drivers crash with regularity on this section of road.

33

May I add an addendum? If, according to these rules, you are the idiot, it doesn’t matter how fast you’re going. You’re still the idiot. The sign doesn’t say “traffic that’s going 10 MPH over the speed limit can stay in the left hand lane”, the sign says “Slower traffic keep right”. So move the fuck to the right.

If there’s room for you to get over, and you’re going 10 MPH less than I want to go, and there’s nobody in front of you, I’m going to pull right up behind you for a couple of seconds, and then fall back to a reasonable distance.

-lv

34

I find that a handful of loose change flung over the roof of my car usually makes people increase their following distance.

I refer you to this thread.

PS: An inventor made a “Times Square” display for cars decades ago. They had to prohibit foul language from being shown due to lawsuits.
[George Harrison]

"It’s been done before … "

[/George Harrison]

35

Mr. Levins’s best friend, to be hereafter called Baldy, was a severe asthmatic as a child, and actually became addicted to the adrenaline in his inhaler. (Whatever the chemical component is, I was told it’s adrenaline. If anyone has a cite, lemme know.)

This means Baldy drives like a fucking maniac. Tailgating is just the beginning of his sins; he actually gets off on nearly killing himself on a daily basis.

Which leads me to believe, from watching others drive, that this is a not-so-infrequent problem. Adrenaline junkies, that is, not maniacal asthmatics. :smiley:

I drive an old Dodge with the kind of lights you have to turn on yourself. (Vs. the ones that just turn on by themselves.) So if I’m being tailgated during daylight hours, I just flick my lights on and off, so I don’t actually slow down at all. Just scare the shit out of whoever’s behind me…since of course they think my backlights are brake lights.

36

Oh sam, you so don’t want to ever drive here!

People won’t just tailgate you, they’ll flash their lights madly behind you, even if you have no room to pull over, and nine times out of them they’ll just squeeze past you on the hard shoulder.

And you can’t see who they are, because nine.point.nine time out of ten they’ll be locals, so they’ll have opaque black windows in their car. You just have to sit, sweat, and pray that they don’t kill you and themselves in the process.

37

Thank you for the compliment and the evil laugh. Do you give voice lessons because I’d like to learn to perfect mine.

On an unrelated note, please allow me to opine that Myah and Kiara are truly adorable little girls. The picture of Myah in the sink is really great and the final one of Kiara, with her bathtub hair and hiding her face, is priceless. Nice camera work as well.

38

I want to add my voice to those saying to slow down when someone tailgates you. I usually slow down about 5mph. If that doesn’t get them to pass me, I then speed up to my previous speed, which then gives me a nice cushion of space between them and me. If they encroach again, repeat. Only once have I ever had to do more than two cycles of that to get tailgaters to pass me.

All the above is with the caveat, of course, that there’s room on your left for them to pass you. If there isn’t, consider moving over one lane to the right. Think it as saving up good car karma until the time when you happen to be running late.

39

quote:

Originally posted by Chimera
If you are being passed on the right, then you are in the wrong.

If you are in the left lane and being tailgated, you are the idiot. If you are in the right lane being tailgated, the other driver is the idiot.

May I add an addendum? If, according to these rules, you are the idiot, it doesn’t matter how fast you’re going. You’re still the idiot. The sign doesn’t say “traffic that’s going 10 MPH over the speed limit can stay in the left hand lane”, the sign says “Slower traffic keep right”. So move the fuck to the right.

If there’s room for you to get over, and you’re going 10 MPH less than I want to go, and there’s nobody in front of you, I’m going to pull right up behind you for a couple of seconds, and then fall back to a reasonable distance.

-lv
Fine rules indeed!

I’ll add that if one is ALWAYS being tailgated - then maybe they should read the rules posted above.

40

I do a very light, spazzy-tap on the brakes. I want my lights to flicker on and off in a random pattern, making the tailgater think, “Dude, what the fuck’s wrong with that guy?” It generally works: I think drivers behind me decide that I’m unpredictable, and they back off.

Daniel