# To the Spider outside my office window **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938 "2003-08-13T16:30:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/1 "2003-08-13T16:30:53Z")
Every day, you grow a little bigger. Soon you will be in serious Shelob territory. Every day, you do something yet more gruesome. It is like you have a plan to distract me from work. For hours, I will think: “don’t look at the spider … don’t look at the spider …”; invariably, when I _do_ glance in your direction, you are busy running your hairy legs over some poor bug caught in your web. Today, I nearly barfed at the sight of a bee _still writhing slowly_ as you sucked its guts out; a second fly watched, paralized and helpless, partially wrapped in silk, as you demonstrated its eventual fate. How the fuck did you crawl up 47 floors anyway? Couldn’t you have chosen a place closer to the ground? Preferably one outside someone else’s window? And where do you dissapear when it is stormy out or really windy? Yet you are always back again in exactly the same spot. Just be glad these windows don’t open. ---
**Author:** ![MrSarcasticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@MrSarcasticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrSarcasticus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/2 "2003-08-13T17:37:06Z")
Oh, grow some pubes. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/3 "2003-08-13T17:46:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrSarcasticus \* > \*\*Oh, grow some pubes. \*\* I’m not sure how that would help. I don’t want to _fuck_ the thing (although it’s almost big enough), even if it was biologically possible. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![MrTuffPaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MrTuffPaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrTuffPaws)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/4 "2003-08-13T17:53:52Z")
You pitted this? Grow some pubes. ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/5 "2003-08-13T18:00:03Z")
Wait … are y’all saying the OP should make the spider a merkin? ---
**Author:** ![Bongmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/6 "2003-08-13T18:00:26Z")
All I could see in your post was: “I have this amazing window view from my office 47 floors above the earth and a cool spider to watch…” ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/7 "2003-08-13T18:15:52Z")
I’ll trade your spider for my angry nest of hornets. And people woner why I keep my blinds closed. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/8 "2003-08-13T18:17:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malthus \* > **How the fuck did you crawl up 47 floors anyway? Couldn’t you have chosen a place closer to the ground? Preferably one outside someone else’s window?** [Some air current just happened to put it outside _your_ window](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mspiderballoon.html). ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/9 "2003-08-13T18:31:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrTuffPaws \* > \*\*You pitted this? Grow some pubes. \*\* Someone must write an article on “the mental association of bored Internet geeks between spiders and pubic hairs”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/10 "2003-08-13T18:37:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jeff Olsen \* > \*\*[Some air current just happened to put it outside _your_ window](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mspiderballoon.html). \*\* That is totally cool, and somethink I had never heard of before. My little monster is a _parachuting attack spider!_ I like him or her a little better now. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/11 "2003-08-13T18:40:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by XJETGIRLX \* > \*\*I’ll trade your spider for my angry nest of hornets. And people woner why I keep my blinds closed. \*\* :eek: In that case I would be _glad_ my window didn’t open! ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/12 "2003-08-13T19:35:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by XJETGIRLX \* > I’ll trade your spider for my angry nest of hornets. And people woner why I keep my blinds closed. Just a helpful FYI- _Angry hornets can fly despite being set on fire._ ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/13 "2003-08-13T19:43:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\*Just a helpful FYI- > > _Angry hornets can fly despite being set on fire._ \*\* There has just _got_ to be a story behind that! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/14 "2003-08-13T19:59:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malthus \* > \*\*That is totally cool, and somethink I had never heard of before. > > My little monster is a _parachuting attack spider!_ > > I like him or her a little better now. 🙂 \*\* Haven’t you guys ever read “Charlotte’s Web”?? And to those pitting the OP, SHEEEESH!!! Some of us HATE spiders. So it was a little mild. I’d be creeped out too. And if the window opened, that’d be one squashed spider. It’s a LOT more interesting than some of the bbq pit fare that’s been around lately!!! ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/15 "2003-08-13T20:18:05Z")
In the interests of fairness … **To the Lawyer sitting inside the office window** Every day, you grow a little bigger. Soon you will be in serious fat slob territory. Every day, you do something yet more gruesome. It is like you have a plan to distract me from work. For hours, I will think: “don’t look at the lawyer … don’t look at the lawyer …”; invariably, when I _do_ glance in your direction, you are busy running your hairy fingers over some poor Statement of Claim caught on your computer screen. Today, I nearly barfed at the sight of a contract _still writhing slowly_ as you sucked its guts out; a second contract watched, paralized and helpless, in your intray, as you demonstrated its eventual fate. How the f_ck did you crawl up 47 floors anyway?_ Couldn’t you have chosen a place closer to the ground? Preferably one inside someone else’s window? And where do you dissapear when the lights go out? Yet you are always back again in exactly the same spot. Just be glad these windows don’t open. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/16 "2003-08-13T20:18:27Z")
I have just spent three hours fighting a fly infestation. Annoying, flitty, stupid little vermin. 100s of them. Spiders are our allies in the battle against the massed fly forces. Touch that spider and I will be obliged to launch a retaliatory strike. You have been warned! ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/17 "2003-08-13T20:45:24Z")
LOL!! This is true I guess! Somehow, one of the bags of fruit I brought home this weekend contained enough fruitflies to start an invasion of my home. Normally my attitude toward spiders has been “as long as you stay OUTSIDE, I’ll let you live”. Now, it’s “as long as you stay outside my BED (one reason I hate them, they always find me and bite me when I’m sleeping), I’ll let you live”. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/18 "2003-08-13T20:50:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malthus \* > In the interests of fairness … > > **To the Lawyer sitting inside the office window** > > Every day, you grow a little bigger. Soon you will be in serious fat slob territory. > > Every day, you do something yet more gruesome. It is like you have a plan to distract me from work. For hours, I will think: “don’t look at the lawyer … don’t look at the lawyer …”; invariably, when I _do_ glance in your direction, you are busy running your hairy fingers over some poor Statement of Claim caught on your computer screen. Today, I nearly barfed at the sight of a contract _still writhing slowly_ as you sucked its guts out; a second contract watched, paralized and helpless, in your intray, as you demonstrated its eventual fate. > > How the f_ck did you crawl up 47 floors anyway?_ Couldn’t you have chosen a place closer to the ground? Preferably one inside someone else’s window? > > And where do you dissapear when the lights go out? Yet you are always back again in exactly the same spot. > > Just be glad these windows don’t open. ::snerk:: This has got me in stitches! Okay, I’ll keep the hornets. You win! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/19 "2003-08-13T21:02:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malthus \* > There has just _got_ to be a story behind that! :eek: Not sure what **lno** might have done, but I think I’ve posted my husband’s story about it here before. As a kid he was told to go deal with the wasp (? - to the best of my recollection, could have been hornets) nest outside and given a can of appropriate pesticide to do it with. He got the idea that it’d be even faster if he simply torched the nest via a makeshift flamethrower, so he grabbed a lighter. Soon enough, the nest had caught on fire a bit - and he found flying, fiery wasps were chasing him. He ended up both with stings and with 1st/2nd degree burns. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938/20 "2003-08-13T21:17:25Z")
I just had a scary thought. What if the thing outside **Malthus** ’s window isn’t just any spider but one of the [Irish Troll](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?s=&action=getinfo&userid=34824) variety? :eek: 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-spider-outside-my-office-window/194938.md?page=2)