# To the U.S. Navy - the USS John P. Murtha is going way too far. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 15, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219 "2010-04-15T15:42:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/81 "2010-04-16T00:41:36Z")
> [@ludovic](#): > > i hear that once, this particular ship’s commander had trained the seagulls to catch small fish for him in exchange for a share of the larger fish he would catch using the little fish off the bow of the ship in its downtime. One time, the seagull’s wife asked why he was so excited at the beginning of the day and he told her it was the commander’s day to fish and said: > > Wooo! I’m master baiting like a murtha flocker! boooooooo!!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/82 "2010-04-16T00:53:17Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > My dad served in Korea on the USS John W. Thomasson, … There’s a Marine! > [@](#): > > … which is a dumbass name for a boat. > > Don’t tell him I said “boat”. I think I speak for your Dad when I say, “Ship, honey, ship. _sigh_” ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/83 "2010-04-16T01:18:14Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Why not sell the naming rights to corporate sponsors? It could be some nice revenue for the military. > > USS Google? USS Doritos? It could work. This is not so different from my idea regarding members of Congress (both Houses) and their sponsors. I call it _the Congressional racing scheme_. Automobile racers wear special suits adorned with the logos of all of their sponsors. Why not do the same with Congressmen and Senators? After all, elections are also called races, aren’t they? And after a hard day’s legislating, they could go catch some Rollerball action. ---
**Author:** ![ricksummon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ricksummon/32/3333_2.png) [@ricksummon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricksummon)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/84 "2010-04-16T01:55:12Z")
Personally, I’d go with the USS _Liberty City_ — Worst Ship In America™. Every time the ship comes into port, it will be required to crash into numerous smaller ships. Plus, every sailor will be required to carry a rocket launcher at all times. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/85 "2010-04-16T01:59:15Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > I see your goofy non-fear-inspiring name and raise you the [HMS Devastation](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Devastation_%281871%29)…and [HMS Sovereign](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Sovereign_%28S108%29) (the vanguard of enemy destruction). Although to be fair we do name ships after the Royal family every now and again. You’d think owning the ship would be enough… The two new supercarriers are the HMS Queen Elizabeth and HMS Prince of Wales. I mean, really… they’re already HMS such-and-such. Do we really need more royal bits in the name? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/86 "2010-04-16T02:02:22Z")
The USS Amelia Earhart? That seems an ill-fated name for a ship. What happens if it gets lost at sea? Do we spend 100 years looking for it? Anyway, as long as there is a ship named after famous draft dodger and later rear-echelon mother-fucker and starlet-raping Ronald Reagan, I’ve nothing to complain about naming a ship after John Murtha. Hell, better the USS J. Edgar Hoover than Reagan. Once the right wing nut jobs started insisting on naming everything in the country after Reagan, a man whom they would consider far too far to the left today, they lost all right to complain about naming things after anyone who wasn’t a convicted felon. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/87 "2010-04-16T02:18:24Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Seven out of ten are named for presidents, and only the first one (of ten, so far) was named after an admiral. (Why, in heaven’s name, would the Navy name a ship after a general? Are there even any named after Marine generals?) That’s fine by me, except that two of the former presidents were still living at the time the ship was named. > > I’ll note, in fairness, that I have the same objection to the submarine named after Jimmy Carter. I don’t object as hard to that one because the Seawolf class doesn’t appear to have a discernable naming scheme, and realistically the Carter might as well be considered her own class, they adapted the hull so much. My only real beef is with sticking with class naming conventions once established. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/88 "2010-04-16T02:19:19Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > The USS Amelia Earhart? That seems an ill-fated name for a ship. What happens if it gets lost at sea? Do we spend 100 years looking for it? > > Anyway, as long as there is a ship named after famous draft dodger and later rear-echelon mother-fucker and starlet-raping Ronald Reagan, I’ve nothing to complain about naming a ship after John Murtha. Hell, better the USS J. Edgar Hoover than Reagan. > > Once the right wing nut jobs started insisting on naming everything in the country after Reagan, a man whom they would consider far too far to the left today, they lost all right to complain about naming things after anyone who wasn’t a convicted felon. Whoa…Nancy was an unwilling starlet in a tryst? I thought she “just said no”. ---
**Author:** ![Noel\_Prosequi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b19c9b/32.png) [@Noel\_Prosequi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noel_Prosequi)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/89 "2010-04-16T02:25:21Z")
Resolved - the USN should name its ships only after Presidents, battles, states, cities, or solid gold war heroes (MOH winners killed heroically, who have cool names like Joshua Chamberlain. Even though he didn’t die, you get the idea. Uncool names need not apply.) A huge problem with the latter in my country is that a solid gold heroine was a nurse who was the only survivor of a group of nurses machinegunned in the surf by the Japanese after capture. She was badly wounded, left for dead and later captured again, and spent the war as a POW thereafter. You can see the uniform she had to wear throughout her entire captivity, with the neat patches she had to put in to cover the bullet holes, in the War Museum. She deserves a ship to be named after her. Except that her name was Vivian Bullwinkle. It would be a brave Australian sailor who went into a Pearl Harbour bar wearing an HMAS Bullwinkle cap. Or else the USN should go completely with the whole tittyfuck thing. I hereby launch the [USS Angry Pirate](http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_an_angry_pirate). May God bless her and all who sail in her. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/90 "2010-04-16T02:27:00Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Whoa…Nancy was an unwilling starlet in a tryst? I thought she “just said no”. “Miss Robbins, tear down this wall!” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/91 "2010-04-16T02:45:47Z")
No, some other starlet who related the incident to Kitty Kelly for her biography. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/92 "2010-04-16T03:50:28Z")
> [@Mr.Moto](#): > > Actually, ships of that class have all been named after cities or counties, so a better choice would have been not naming it after a person at all. [That idea actually has potential . . .](http://www.accuracyproject.org/towns.html) All aboard the U.S.S. Horneytown! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/93 "2010-04-16T04:08:26Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > I agree you should take a page out of the Royal Navy’s book. Even if [your ships are a little bit bigger than ours](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/81/USS_John_C._Stennis_%28CVN-74%29_%26_HMS_Illustrious_%28R_06%29.jpg), badass names are what counts. Like [the HMS Vengeance.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Vengeance_%28S31%29) HMS Vengeance is a ballistic missile submarine, so in terms of “size,” as defined by how much ass the ship can kick, _you really can’t get any bigger than that._ Like, in World War II, British ships fought the Germans. HMS Vengeance could _incinerate Germany._ All of it. A ship that can actually destroy a whole country, man, that’s a ship that has to have a badass name. The U.S. usually names its ballistic missle submarines after states. That sucks. If you’re gonna have a submarine that is designed to kill a hundred million people it should have a name that befits its purpose. I like “USS Deathbringer,” “USS Skull Crusher” or “USS Foreigner-Roaster.” ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/94 "2010-04-16T04:16:13Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > No, some other starlet who related the incident to Kitty Kelly for her biography. Sweet. No other successful President of the USA has never had mistresses. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/95 "2010-04-16T04:19:26Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > HMS Vengeance is a ballistic missile submarine, so in terms of “size,” as defined by how much ass the ship can kick, _you really can’t get any bigger than that._ Like, in World War II, British ships fought the Germans. HMS Vengeance could _incinerate Germany._ All of it. A ship that can actually destroy a whole country, man, that’s a ship that has to have a badass name. > > The U.S. usually names its ballistic missle submarines after states. That sucks. If you’re gonna have a submarine that is designed to kill a hundred million people it should have a name that befits its purpose. I like “USS Deathbringer,” “USS Skull Crusher” or “USS Foreigner-Roaster.” But then we’d have to name our individual operations after states! There’s only so many names to go around, you know. And which state is going to co-opt for “Operation Indiana” instead of “Desert Shield” or “Operation Iraqi Freedom”? ---
**Author:** ![Dissonance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dissonance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dissonance)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/96 "2010-04-16T05:59:10Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > I agree you should take a page out of the Royal Navy’s book. Even if [your ships are a little bit bigger than ours](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/81/USS_John_C._Stennis_%28CVN-74%29_%26_HMS_Illustrious_%28R_06%29.jpg), badass names are what counts. Like [the HMS Vengeance.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Vengeance_%28S31%29) I don’t know, naming an entire class of 267 ships after [Flowers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flower_class_corvette) is a bit (going to hell for this) pansy so I’m not sure the Royal Navy has room to gloat. After all, the US Navy called ships of this class transferred via reverse lend-lease the _Action_-class and gave them much more dignified names denoting sexual prowess like the [USS Haste](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Haste_(PG-92)). Wait I mean umm… nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/97 "2010-04-16T06:58:12Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Sweet. No other successful President of the USA has never had mistresses. We are not talking mistress. We are talking rape. Google it for yourself. And Clinton has also been accused of rape. ---
**Author:** ![Shakester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shakester/32/437_2.png) [@Shakester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shakester)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/98 "2010-04-16T08:26:51Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > A huge problem with the latter in my country is that a solid gold heroine was a nurse who was the only survivor of a group of nurses machinegunned in the surf by the Japanese after capture. She was badly wounded, left for dead and later captured again, and spent the war as a POW thereafter. You can see the uniform she had to wear throughout her entire captivity, with the neat patches she had to put in to cover the bullet holes, in the War Museum. She deserves a ship to be named after her. Except that her name was Vivian Bullwinkle. It would be a brave Australian sailor who went into a Pearl Harbour bar wearing an HMAS Bullwinkle cap. …except that it’s spelled [Bullwinkel](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vivian_Bullwinkel). ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/99 "2010-04-16T14:18:09Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > HMS Vengeance is a ballistic missile submarine, so in terms of “size,” as defined by how much ass the ship can kick, _you really can’t get any bigger than that._ Like, in World War II, British ships fought the Germans. HMS Vengeance could _incinerate Germany._ All of it. A ship that can actually destroy a whole country, man, that’s a ship that has to have a badass name. Yeah, but a Soviet _Typhoon_-class could destroy 14 Germanies! ---
**Author:** ![Terraplane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219/100 "2010-04-16T15:59:36Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > Except that her name was Vivian Bullwinkle. It would be a brave Australian sailor who went into a Pearl Harbour bar wearing an HMAS Bullwinkle cap. They could call it the HMAS Vivian instead. That sounds fine to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-u-s-navy-the-uss-john-p-murtha-is-going-way-too-far/536219.md?page=6)