# To those persons sending me 'Grow your penis' emails... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 15, 2003, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706 "2003-01-15T07:43:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/1 "2003-01-15T07:43:16Z")
Fuck off. I can grow my penis quite nicely by looking at a photo of Heidi Klum. And I don’t need no damned Viagra knockoffs either. Oh, and you’re all a bunch of walrus-titty goat-fucking funkenhiemer suck-blaster porn-o-matic lumpweed duck-shits. Have a nice day. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/2 "2003-01-15T07:53:41Z")
Well, how do you feel about having bigger breasts? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/3 "2003-01-15T07:55:08Z")
I’m for it. Unless you mean would I personally like bigger breasts, in which case the answer is no. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/4 "2003-01-15T08:04:32Z")
Try the Bloussant! It’s cherry flavoured! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/5 "2003-01-15T08:10:37Z")
😕 Oh to Hell with it, g’night. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/6 "2003-01-15T08:19:13Z")
Yes, but what of the quarts of jiz they can help you produce? Cuz you know that’s what girls like…rivers of semen. Ooooo, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/7 "2003-01-15T10:42:52Z")
A raging love rod means nothing if you have bad credit. Post your email address, and I can get you some valuable information on how to fix your credit. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/8 "2003-01-15T10:45:21Z")
What pisses me off is that I get more of these than any of the ones geared towards females. What? I can grow my penis?! Amazing considering I _don’t even have one_!! ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/9 "2003-01-15T10:45:34Z")
What disturbs me is they keep sending _me_ offers on how to grow my penis. In order to do that, I think I’d have to have one in the first place! CJ ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/10 "2003-01-15T10:50:51Z")
I get one of these AT LEAST once a day. “AUDREY LEVINS ENHANCE YOUR PENIS SAFELY AND NATURALLY.” I don’t get 'em in my junk mail folder, either…that’s where all the breast enhancement ads go, but for some reason the penis always sneaks in my inbox. You know, that sounds Freudian. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/11 "2003-01-15T10:58:12Z")
And there was me thinking this was going to be a rant about the use of grow in the transitive/intrasitive sense…but then maybe that’s just me;) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/12 "2003-01-15T13:29:27Z")
**YOUR COCK SO LARGE PEOPLE WILL THINK IT’S A THIRD LEG!!!** I can’t think of anything I would hate more than to have a cock so large people would think it was a third leg. I’d have to alter all my trousers, for starters, and maybe rig up some kind of a sling so it wouldn’t drag on the ground. Then there’s the problem that my boyfriend and I would have to be in different rooms to allow for any oompty. They don’t really think about these things too hard, do they? ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/13 "2003-01-15T14:17:54Z")
I wish to enhance my penis with an mp3 player and a minarature camera of some sort. And perhaps one of those lil remote control cars everybody is talking about! Yeah! I want a music-playing, videotaping, racing around the room penis. With good credit and a GED. I will then be the life of the party. But do I ever get these spams? Do I? Well yes, I do. ---
**Author:** ![chicken\_99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@chicken\_99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chicken_99)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/14 "2003-01-15T15:04:56Z")
hey at least you guys don’t (i am assuming) have friends who insist on forwarding the damn things to you on a daily basis. perhaps they are trying to be helpful but… I do not have a penis to enlarge. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/15 "2003-01-15T15:21:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Obsidian Flutterby \* > \*\*What pisses me off is that I get more of these than any of the ones geared towards females. > > What? I can grow my penis?! Amazing considering I _don’t even have one_!! \*\* Don’t worry - I’m sure they’ll eventually come out with “Grow A Penis Starter Kit” spam for us ladies. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/16 "2003-01-15T17:49:50Z")
But do you grow them from cuttings, or from seed? Cheers, Keithy ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/17 "2003-01-15T18:07:42Z")
Don’t forget a mortgage or home equity line to make room at home for that giant new manhood of yours. I just wish someone would send me some information on that. Oh and horny, but lonely housewives. I wish someone would send me an email on where to meet some of them. We could get together and race Mini-RC cars or maybe burn some illegal DVD copies. Or maybe try some herbal weight loss porducts. . . And I sure wish some of those nice Nigerian folks with banking issues would touch base with me. I would be happy to assist them in their embezzlement schemes. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/18 "2003-01-15T18:13:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\ ***YOUR COCK SO LARGE PEOPLE WILL THINK IT’S A THIRD LEG!!!** > > I can’t think of anything I would hate more than to have a cock so large people would think it was a third leg. > > I’d have to alter all my trousers, for starters, and maybe rig up some kind of a sling so it wouldn’t drag on the ground. Then there’s the problem that my boyfriend and I would have to be in different rooms to allow for any oompty. They don’t really think about these things too hard, do they? \*\* [It’s a real bummer](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=115658&highlight=weirddave+and+penis) ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/19 "2003-01-15T18:45:48Z")
Glad to know I am not the _ony_ one getting those e-mails. I was beginning to think it was some sort of revenge from my ex-wife. ---
**Author:** ![H8\_2\_W8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c77e96/32.png) [@H8\_2\_W8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H8_2_W8)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706/20 "2003-01-15T19:06:58Z")
I started one of these programs about a month ago. Added 3 inches each day. After a week, it was getting so long I decided to switch to another program, one that added 20% and WOW!, did that thing ever take off! Right now, my dick is up to 144 feet (I know, that’s gross) and I think I’ll keep going for a few more days until I can win a 100 yard dash without even having to leave the start line. The only problem is that it keeps getting stretched out thinner and thinner and I barely have the bladder pressure to urinate any more. As of yesterday I have to climb to the top of a hill and let gravity go for me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-those-persons-sending-me-grow-your-penis-emails/148706.md?page=2)