# Toaster Manufacturers **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 19, 2011, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438 "2011-05-19T13:25:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/21 "2011-05-21T01:03:58Z")
If you’re buying sliced bread of any kind, complaining about the quality of the product is like a similie I’m too drunk to think of. But you may get my point anyway. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/22 "2011-05-21T01:34:01Z")
I threw out my toaster and now indulge in butter both sides first, brown to toasty crisp buttery goodness in a pan. So much better, anyway! ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/23 "2011-05-21T01:34:17Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > What, is your oven’s broiler setting broken, you lazy bastard? The OP’s oven doesn’t have a ‘broiler’ setting ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/24 "2011-05-21T04:36:51Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > Two toasters is an unacceptable solution. And any amount of rotating the bread will inevitably leave the middle of each slice overdone or the edges underdone. Well, I guess I won’t be suggesting the rotisserie toaster. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/25 "2011-05-21T05:22:03Z")
> [@Mr.Moto](#): > > You’re British. You aren’t supposed to complain about your ubiquitous substandard electrical appliances - you’re supposed to accept them with stoicism. Maybe he is a Brit from the future. 🙂 [Does anyone want any toast?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec) (Red Dwarf’s hate of toaster manufacturers.) ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/26 "2011-05-21T07:51:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Toaster: Howdy doodly do. How’s it going? I’m Talkie, Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie’s the name, toasting’s the game. Anyone like any toast? > Lister: Look, I don’t want any toast, and he doesn’t want any toast. In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. No toast. > Toaster: How 'bout a muffin? > Lister: Or muffins. Or muffins. We don’t like muffins around here. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and definitely no smegging flapjacks. > Toaster: Aah, so you’re a waffle man. Yes, that’s what I want, an obliging toaster. What I do not want is to buy another toaster, a double-decker toaster, to buy a second toaster to put on top of my existing toaster, to use a special over just for toast, to use a conveyor-belt or car-wash based toaster, a rotisserie toaster, or anything involving mysterious “settings” for an oven (which I imagine to be similar to “temperatures” on my oven). What I do want is to bring down the evil toaster conglomerates. To tear their ill-gotten profits from their gaping maws. To send their designers back to wherever they learned to design toasters, or possibly somewhere where they can learn to do it properly. To establish a compensation scheme for their victims and to extract from their share-holders, those who have benefited from this villainy, the means to establish a new toaster regime, in which the toasters on the world toast bread properly, evenly, and thoroughly and in which each toaster comes with a complimentary toast rack. I will therefore be writing a letter to my MP. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/27 "2011-05-21T18:00:37Z")
Get a big sheet of asbestos, and pound two nails into it (about eight inches apart should do just fine). Get a blowtorch. When you want toast, impale the bread on the nails, fire up the blowtorch, and get to work… ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/28 "2011-05-21T18:48:43Z")
If you turn the bread on its side, doesn’t it fit then, without leaving an untoasted top edge? ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/29 "2011-05-22T11:21:53Z")
> [@nicole1912](#): > > If you turn the bread on its side, doesn’t it fit then, without leaving an untoasted top edge? Would that it were, but the toaster isn’t wide enough to contain the bread if I put it in sideways, as it isn’t tall enough if I put it in properways. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/30 "2011-05-22T13:06:00Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > Would that it were, but the toaster isn’t wide enough to contain the bread if I put it in sideways, as it isn’t tall enough if I put it in properways. See, that’s your problem! My parents always toast their toastie sideways on in a larger toaster. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/31 "2011-05-22T17:11:55Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > I have noticed that every time I replace a toaster, the newer one holds bread of smaller dimensions. Me too! I go through a lot of toasters, and the most recent one couldn’ hold anything bigger than a hydrogen atom. Joe ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/32 "2011-05-22T18:36:23Z")
When I did have a toaster, it was a bagel toaster. Pretty much toasted everything, including sandwiches. If you must use a toaster, I recommend the bagel style. ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/33 "2011-05-22T19:12:53Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > First, place the slice upside down in the toaster assuring that your favorite edge of the toast is cooked. > Next get a dog. That way when you chop off the bottom of the “worthless” uncooked toast - severing it from the otherwise wonderful piece - you’ll have a good friend who won’t find the morsel miserable. Best Answer. Not necessarily the most useful, but best. > [@kidchameleon](#): > > Get two toasters. After placing the toast into the first one, invert the second toaster over the first. Activate both at once. Remove the inverted toaster when toasting is complete. Enjoy toast. Second Best Answer. Same as above, but no dogs. > [@blindboyard](#): > > Yes, that’s what I want, an obliging toaster. > > What I do not want is to buy another toaster, a double-decker toaster, to buy a second toaster to put on top of my existing toaster, to use a special over just for toast, to use a conveyor-belt or car-wash based toaster, a rotisserie toaster, or anything involving mysterious “settings” for an oven (which I imagine to be similar to “temperatures” on my oven). > > What I do want is to bring down the evil toaster conglomerates. To tear their ill-gotten profits from their gaping maws. To send their designers back to wherever they learned to design toasters, or possibly somewhere where they can learn to do it properly. To establish a compensation scheme for their victims and to extract from their share-holders, those who have benefited from this villainy, the means to establish a new toaster regime, in which the toasters on the world toast bread properly, evenly, and thoroughly and in which each toaster comes with a complimentary toast rack. > > I will therefore be writing a letter to my MP. Write a letter to Black and Decker. Include the dimensions of your favorite bread. I’m sure they make a toaster that will fit the bread you have. I have a toaster oven. It does toast, hot dogs, baked potatoes and so on. It’s much more useful than a toaster, and I could very nearly toast an entire loaf in one go. The source of your pain stems from an inability (or disinclination) of the toaster designers to communicate with bread manufacturers. Many, if not most, engineers are book-smart but real-world stupid. They design things like toasters with an oblivious disregard to the dimensions of actual bread. After all, the manufacturer’s standards book has the “official” standard of bread dimensions, so why refer to actual bread? ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/34 "2011-05-22T19:41:13Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Ah, what you need is the [Toast-O-Lator](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS6HfCN2eLQ). It’s like a car wash for toast. But not for bagels, which vintage toasters are useless for. I picked up an early 1950s-ish GE toaster at an estate sale last summer for $10. It’s beautiful, and in nearly mint condition, with even the original cloth electrical cord being intact. It makes _perfect_ toast. However, try loading it with half of a sliced bagel, or even bread sliced more than a centimeter thick. Can’t be done, unless you step on the bagels first. Bread must have been sliced much thinner back in the 1950s. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/35 "2011-05-22T19:48:11Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > But not for bagels, which vintage toasters are useless for. I picked up an early 1950s-ish GE toaster at an estate sale last summer for $10. It’s beautiful, and in nearly mint condition, with even the original cloth electrical cord being intact. It makes _perfect_ toast. However, try loading it with half of a sliced bagel, or even bread sliced more than a centimeter thick. Can’t be done, unless you step on the bagels first. Bread must have been sliced much thinner back in the 1950s. At the time the Toast-O-Lator was introduced, eating bagels was a sign you were a Fellow Traveller, or worse. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438/36 "2011-05-22T22:32:14Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > Maybe he is a Brit from the future. 🙂 > > [Does anyone want any toast?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec) (Red Dwarf’s hate of toaster manufacturers.) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLzsbtTzIdI](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLzsbtTzIdI) Toast! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toaster-manufacturers/582438.md?page=1)