# Today I saw a loser that made me so mad **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 11, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921 "2009-12-11T21:49:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/21 "2009-12-12T00:30:42Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > Awesome. Another pick on the potentially mentally ill pitting. > > :eek: It’s how the rest of us reassure ourselves we’re not so fucked up after all. We all feel stronger when we pick on the weak. You can tell when it’s happening when someone says - in effect - “I’m going to refuse to give a shit about you for your own good.” People usually hand out ass-kickings for their own reasons or some notion of abstract social fairness, not for the sake of the kickee. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/22 "2009-12-12T00:36:27Z")
This is exactly what I wanted to post in that thread, until I came across the mod warning. Boo-fucking-hoo. If he’s really that much of a loser, then there must be some identifiable reason. Had he said something like “I’m terrible at talking to people” or even “I can’t pay attention when people are speaking” then at least we’d have _some_ handle on it. We could actually put together some sort of advice. But instead, it was just a long train of “I’m a loser because I’m worthless because no one wants me because I’m a loser.” which tells us jack-all about how to help him. So it really was just a pity party. For some reason, people jumped in there, telling him it’ll be all right and that he should get a hobby. I mean, people _actually friggin came_ to the pity party. If he’s fat, he needs to get thin. If he’s depressed, he needs drugs. If he’s introverted, he needs to be extroverted. This is not hard to come up with, people. I have no patience for people that won’t at least get on the road to helping themselves. But hey, I’m the guy that admitted in the confessions thread that I was born without an iota of compassion or sympathy. So go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/23 "2009-12-12T00:40:49Z")
Compassion and sympathy are not terribly popular in many circles these days. It’s why we have teabaggers, for one thing. Strength and character today mean closing your heart, especially if you are male. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/24 "2009-12-12T00:45:48Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > But hey, I’m the guy that admitted in the confessions thread that I was born without an iota of compassion or sympathy. So go figure. And that’s something to be proud of? ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/25 "2009-12-12T00:48:08Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > And that’s something to be proud of? On the dope? Or internet message boards in general? Absolutely. Sympathy is a sign of weakness. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/26 "2009-12-12T00:49:49Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > On the dope? Or internet message boards in general? Absolutely. Sympathy is a sign of weakness. Eh, you’ve got me there. I agree **mookie** needs a kick in the ass to get some help, but telling him the whole, “you’re a loser, just ‘snap out of it’” isn’t “help.” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/27 "2009-12-12T00:54:13Z")
> [@Little\_Bird](#): > > Maybe it’s because I’m a psychiatrist’s daughter that I see mental illness as exactly the same as diabetes, heart disease, or a bad knee–something that hurts and sucks to deal with but you go to the doctor and follow certain protocols and do daily maintenance and get better. But just complaining about it never accomplished anything, and getting warm fuzzies on the internet won’t fix a pancreas any more than a brain. > > People like **mookieblaylock** are certainly welcome to complain about their problems as far as I can see, but if they won’t lift a fucking finger to try to fix them, then they deserve a full force pitting just as flamey as a person with diabetes complaining about their gangrenous foot getting cut off while sucking down a pound of hard candy. You know, I was just going to comment on how uninformed people like to talk shit about things they don’t understand. But you take the cake. You have the information necessary to understand that a depressed person specifically lacks the ability to assess the situation logically. When the brain is the thing that is sick, you can’t expect it to rise above its own sickness. I think you know this. So, I am going to be plain. **You are a bigot**. You know the person can’t help how they are at a given time, but you expect them to do it anyways. It’s no different than expecting a gay person to stop being gay because you, as a straight person, have found you can stop being attracted to the same sex. I sincerely hope you find yourself in a situation where you get depressed. And I want you to go along not complaining at all, and do exactly what the doctor says, even though it actually hurts more than the depression itself. With the level of cluelessness that you have displayed, I believe you’d not make it past the “Should I slit my wrist” phase. As for the rest of you, get a fucking clue, or be thought of as bigots for the rest of your life. This is the sort of crap I’d expect out of Der Trihs or Diogenes (or even Shodan or the newly departed Carol Stream.) ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/28 "2009-12-12T00:55:03Z")
There are also a lot of people out there whose idea of a kick in the ass is a full-on ass-kicking. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/29 "2009-12-12T01:01:12Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > But hey, I’m the guy that admitted in the confessions thread that I was born without an iota of compassion or sympathy. So go figure. So go out and get some instead of sitting here doing nothing about it. No good layabout. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/30 "2009-12-12T01:02:14Z")
In my view, the original poster betrays more personal immaturity here than the doper he criticizes does. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/31 "2009-12-12T01:04:05Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > There are also a lot of people out there whose idea of a kick in the ass is a full-on ass-kicking. Well, MINE isn’t. It’s more like being sympathetic, but blunt. I basically wanted to say something like: > [@](#): > > Look, I hear you. I’ve been there. God knows I’ve been there. You think you’re the only one who feels this way, but you’re not. But you CAN fight this. You HAVE to, for your own sake. You need to go and get help. > Depression and mental illness are nothing to be ashamed of, and anyone who says otherwise can go masturbate with a chainsaw. > But you also can’t except the Straight Dope to be your therapy. It’s not fair to us, and we’re not professionals. We can offer support – but not a solution, if that makes sense. > Just remember – we’re here for you. You’re not a loser, and there are people out there who care. Again, you’re not alone. > Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/32 "2009-12-12T01:07:03Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Well, MINE isn’t. It’s more like being sympathetic, but blunt. I basically wanted to say something like: What is all this crap about “He needs to go get help”? He admitted in the thread proper that he is seeing a professional, and just venting on here. Just like the rest of y’all do. But somehow that makes him subhuman. ---
**Author:** ![Docta\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Docta\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Docta_G)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/33 "2009-12-12T01:07:38Z")
Someone should introduce mookie to Sandra Tsing Loh. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/34 "2009-12-12T01:08:25Z")
**bucketybuck** You have provided a public service, by letting everyone know just what sort of person you are this holiday season. Would you kick **mookieblaylock** in the stomach while he is down, or tell him to get the fuck up so you can knock him back down? I think one of you needs mental health care, but I am not sure which. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/35 "2009-12-12T01:08:49Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > And that’s something to be proud of? I’m no more proud of it than the fact that I have brown hair. I’m defintitely not going to apologize for it. And I’m certainly not going to pretend like I feel sad for **mookie**. > [@BigT](#): > > I sincerely hope you find yourself in a situation where you get depressed. And I want you to go along not complaining at all, and do exactly what the doctor says, even though it actually hurts more than the depression itself. With the level of cluelessness that you have displayed, I believe you’d not make it past the “Should I slit my wrist” phase. You say that like we haven’t had difficult lives. I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. But it didn’t end until I figured out that the cavalry wasn’t going to come save me. So I hardened the fuck up. The kid’s crying for help, and I have absolutely no desire to go help him. Do you? Then you do it. > [@BigT](#): > > get a fucking clue, or be thought of as bigots for the rest of your life. By you? Aw. You’re breaking I fucking heart, guy. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/36 "2009-12-12T01:09:13Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > You don’t spot the contradiction do you? Someone in the depths of depression cares little for much other than feeling sorry for him or herself. That’s what depression _means_. Struggling against depression means the struggle against wallowing. > > Deep depression means that simply getting out of bed and brushing your teeth is a struggle. Of course someone who’s depressed will wallow, that’s what depression _is_. If they could just shake themselves off and start feeling better then they wouldn’t be depressed. Really beautifully put. ‘‘Tough love’’ is not reinforcing the irrational cognitions that cause depression (such as, ‘‘I’m a loser.’’) There are no circumstances under which that is loving. Tough love is calling ‘‘bullshit’’ on those cognitions and getting real about what it takes to overcome depression – a lot of shitty hard work. My husband has provided more than his share of ass-kickings in order to jump-start me into proactive behavior, but he never, not once, said, ‘‘You know what? You’re right. You’re a total loser and you’re never going to get better and you might as well give up because you’re destined to fail.’’ Instead he said, ‘‘Why the fuck would you believe that? It’s so obviously not true. Look at example A and B and X and Z and remember T and don’t forget Y. You can’t expect this to happen overnight. Progress takes time. You’re too hard on yourself. Stop believing all that other bullshit and come for a walk with me.’’ THAT’s tough love. Wallowing is definitely what depression is, so a struggle against depression is not devoid of wallowing by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve recovered substantially from severe depression, and I’ve wallowed. Hell, I wallowed as recently as last week. Attacking someone for wallowing is like attacking a diabetic for feeling fatigued. Diabetes sucks, but having diabetes doesn’t take away your desire to be free from diabetes. Depression is an insidious bastard because it takes away your desire to even be free from depression. It is a self-perpetuating disease–really strategic shit from some sadistic genius of a god. Overcoming it does not happen in one day, and for some of us, ‘‘overcoming depression’’ is something we do over and over for the rest of our lives. Do some people choose not to get better? Absolutely. But I don’t think we can take one moment of wallowing as evidence that this is the case. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/37 "2009-12-12T01:11:01Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > What is all this crap about “He needs to go get help”? He admitted in the thread proper that he is seeing a professional, and just venting on here. Just like the rest of y’all do. But somehow that makes him subhuman. When did I say that made him subhuman? And there’s a difference between venting and wallowing. Again, I’ve been there, and in my opinion, that’s not venting. You may feel otherwise. > [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > So I hardened the fuck up. The kid’s crying for help, and I have absolutely no desire to go help him. “Hardened the fuck up” =! becoming a near sociopath. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/38 "2009-12-12T01:16:00Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Well, MINE isn’t. It’s more like being sympathetic, but blunt. I basically wanted to say something like: If you can do that without losing face, more power to you. Under the current rules of (society/culture/the netz/the SDMB), a lot of men can’t. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/39 "2009-12-12T01:18:00Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > When did I say that made him subhuman? And there’s a difference between venting and wallowing. Sorry, that wasn’t directed at you. I only quoted you because you were the last person to say he needs to get help. I actually think you are one of the more reasonable people in this thread. (Heck, my rant on the psych’s daughter is probably as bad as the OP, if not worse.) I assume you just missed the part where mookie said he was getting help. I think that calling a person a loser is essentially saying they aren’t quite human. I think a person would not kick a person when they are down if they really thought they were a person. But maybe the OP would pit a cancer victim for daring to have cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921/40 "2009-12-12T01:18:36Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > If you can do that without losing face, more power to you. Under the current rules of (society/culture/the netz/the SDMB), a lot of men can’t. I hear you – in fact, it’s enough to make ME depressed. I don’t ever want to go through that again. To me, it felt like being persued by demons that would never let me go. Thank god I had family that supported me – I hope **mookieblaylock** has a support system. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-saw-a-loser-that-made-me-so-mad/520921.md?page=3)