# Today I started a war with a neighbor **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 4, 2014, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823 "2014-03-04T14:06:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/41 "2014-03-04T17:33:20Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Threads like this make me glad I spent the time training our dogs to shit in the woods. 😉 > [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Wow, you have pet bears? How are you fixed for popes? ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/42 "2014-03-04T17:49:56Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > I suggest icy impeccable politeness from now on. Annoys her much more and lets you off the hook. "Madam, You’ve asked me twice if I pick up after my dog and I have twice answered your question. I am not in the habit of letting people imply or outright call me a liar. Goodday to you. ::closes door or walks away:: Not bad, but before you close the door, you’re supposed to end with, “Good day, madam. I said, ‘_Good day!_’”. ---
**Author:** ![SirGalahad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@SirGalahad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirGalahad)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/43 "2014-03-04T18:02:23Z")
I used to walk my Pit Bull past a school yard that was fenced in with an eight foot chain-link fence. One day, a normal looking fifty-something woman had her dogs inside the property (after school hours) and both large lab-mix dogs ran at me and my pet barking and snarling and biting at the fence. If the fence hadn’t run for several hundred feet both ways, it would have been a bad scene. I told her, through the fence, that she should have her dogs on leashes (like my dog was), since they were prone to attacking people and other dogs. She clearly had no control over them. She replied, “Fuck you! Fuck you!” Last thing I expected from a conservatively dressed middle-aged woman. This was about fifteen years ago. Never underestimate your neighbors’ potential for crazy. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/44 "2014-03-04T18:03:14Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > You probably shouldn’t have called her a “fucking nut job”, even though she deserved it. I don’t blame you for it, but de-escalating might have been wiser in the long run. I agree. The OP wasn’t very tactful in his choice of words. Not quite sure what a “fucking nut job” means, but it might be construed as derogatory. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/45 "2014-03-04T18:17:28Z")
> [@Kelevra](#): > > I had kept walking so she squealed her tires to catch up with me and said “Oh you’re a big man, I’m going to have my husband come down and punch your face in!” I said Oh, I’m afraid. I’d tell her she’s a disgrace to womankind if she still has to hide behind her husband in the year 2014 over a word dispute. It’s shameful, actually. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/46 "2014-03-04T18:21:37Z")
Now she thinks you’re the dog crapper. She doesn’t strike me as being overly crazy for a neighborhood busybody. But even if she is it’s generally not a good idea to antagonize crazy people. Or act condescending towards them. You just paint a target on your forehead. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/47 "2014-03-04T18:26:13Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > I’d tell her she’s a disgrace to womankind if she still has to hide behind her husband in the year 2014 over a word dispute. It’s shameful, actually. Taking longer than we thought. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/48 "2014-03-04T18:30:07Z")
Based on the story, the crazy fucking nut job is the only one who has committed a crime. File a police report. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/49 "2014-03-04T18:47:04Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > Not quite sure what a “fucking nut job” means, but it might be construed as derogatory. I think it’s that thing where you make your partner wear a Russian soldier’s uniform, then put your balls in their mouth and smack them hard on the top of the head. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/50 "2014-03-04T18:53:35Z")
This thread giving anyone else déjà vu? ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/51 "2014-03-04T18:59:09Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > How are you fixed for popes? I shit in my own bags thank you! ---
**Author:** ![HookerChemical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@HookerChemical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HookerChemical)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/52 "2014-03-04T19:02:46Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > How are you fixed for popes? I have the Coptic kind. He gets along well with my polar bears. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/53 "2014-03-04T19:06:25Z")
We don’t really care about bears who shit in the tundra, only the ones that shit in the woods. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/54 "2014-03-04T19:11:56Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I think it’s that thing where you make your partner wear a Russian soldier’s uniform, then put your balls in their mouth and smack them hard on the top of the head. Thanks. I got the picture, and it was very graphic! So, which one is the OP’s neighbor? The smacker or the smackie? Neither of them seems like a pleasant role. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/55 "2014-03-04T19:51:22Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Real men make their dog shit on somebody else’s lawn, then ring the doorbell and punch their face in. I’ve trained our Labrador to shit on the neighbor’s lawn and then ring their doorbell, but she always runs away before punching their face in. > [@marshmallow](#): > > Now she thinks you’re the dog crapper. Thanks. Now I’ve got the tune to “Girl Watcher” going through my head. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/56 "2014-03-04T19:58:27Z")
Re: reciprocal shitting agreements I have a couple of neighbors who have seen me walk by and offered to let me toss the filled bag into their trash. If I happen to have a filled bag when I pass their dumpsters, I do. Similarly, I don’t care if anyone walking down the street puts a bag full of dog shit in my dumpster if it’s sitting on the street. That means it’s trash day, and if their bag o’shit is the first thing in my dumpster after it’s been emptied, that’s okay. But some people get really cheesed off about this, so I wouldn’t dump my dog shit in just anybody’s dumpster, and I certainly wouldn’t leave it on anyone’s lawn, nor would I appreciate if their dog left it on my lawn. A few times I have had people stick their heads out the door or window and thank me when I was picking up, which leads me to believe that a lot of people
don’t. (Well, I knew that. Those people are philistine clods.) OP you should never speak to this woman again, but if you see her, can you get your dog to shit on command? And then pick it up? For bonus points catch it right in the bag. Then throw it at her. ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/57 "2014-03-04T20:12:27Z")
> [@Kelevra](#): > > I had kept walking so she squealed her tires to catch up with me and said “Oh you’re a big man, I’m going to have my husband come down and punch your face in!” Are you in a _ **Stand Your Ground** _ state? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/58 "2014-03-04T20:14:44Z")
I’d call the cops about the threat. It’s possible you’re the 20th person she’s threatened and the cops already have a folder with her name on it. If not, they can start one. ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/59 "2014-03-04T20:17:53Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > Perhaps a peace offering is in order. A framed picture of your dog. I think a framed picture of his dog shitting in her yard would be perfect! ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/60 "2014-03-04T20:40:24Z")
IF the husband does come around to punch your face in, you have a houseful of crazy to deal with instead of just one crazy. I can’t see how this will ever end well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823.md?page=4)