# Today I started a war with a neighbor **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 4, 2014, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823 "2014-03-04T14:06:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/61 "2014-03-04T20:40:39Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > . . . If she’s following you, the obvious thing to do is watch to see if you do indeed pick up. It might take some time, but obsessed people have that time. . . . Maybe she’s not that obsessed. So far it’s just one meeting and two drive-bys. She doesn’t seem to have the patience or stamina for prolonged lurking. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/62 "2014-03-04T21:03:12Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Seconded, a framed picture of one’s dong is always an acceptable and tasteful gift. I vote for this awesome typo as our next Straight Dope Meme. 😃 > [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > \ > A few times I have had people stick their heads out the door or window and thank me when I was picking up, which leads me to believe that a lot of people…don’t. (Well, I knew that. Those people are philistine clods.)\ I used to walk through an off-leash area (until a dog owner who had his dog off-leash in an on-leash area physically threatened me) - people do not, indeed, pick up after their dogs. The woman in the OP does sound like a nutjob, but you live around asshole dog owners long enough, they do all get kind of coloured with the same sour perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/63 "2014-03-04T21:06:31Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I vote for this awesome typo as our next Straight Dope Meme. 😃 😉 While I am honored at the prospect of contributing a meme, it wasn’t a typo. Be thankful I don’t know your birthday. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/64 "2014-03-04T21:14:23Z")
> [@SirGalahad](#): > > Never underestimate your neighbors’ potential for crazy. Amen to that. I was driving down our street the other day when a school bus approached from the other direction. It put on it’s blinking reds so it could drop off the kids. I did like you’re supposed to, stopped and held my position till everything was clear and the bus driver turned off his reds. While I’m sitting there this crazy lady jumps off the curb between me and the bus and starts recording me with her cell phone giving me dirty looks the whole time as if I was going to peel out past this stopped bus if her vigilant ass wasn’t there to save the day ready to report me to the authorites with the incriminating video. Who knows? Maybe she’s seen one too many idiot drivers go past unloading school buses or something and now thinks shes the neighborhood guardian. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/65 "2014-03-04T21:19:27Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > …this crazy lady jumps off the curb between me and the bus and starts recording me with her cell phone giving me dirty looks the whole time as if I was going to peel out past this stopped bus if her vigilant ass wasn’t there to save the day ready to report me to the authorites with the incriminating video Like this lady: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UTM40K53K8](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UTM40K53K8) ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/66 "2014-03-04T21:28:25Z")
If this my wife and she told me a story that at least resembled yours, I’d drag her over to your house and have her apologize to you. Then I would get her home and tie her up and spank her. And then I would rip her clothes off and I would pleasure her with… Eh… where was I? Oh yeah, she’d totally have to apologize to you! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/67 "2014-03-04T21:32:55Z")
It is always a good idea to print off the Dope thread in cases like this and slip a copy under your neighbor’s door. That way she’ll know that the weight of public opinion is against her, and mend her ways. In fact, she’ll probably come right over with an apology and a cake. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/68 "2014-03-04T21:38:16Z")
If it’s a chocolate cake, I wouldn’t eat it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/69 "2014-03-04T21:57:07Z")
**OP** : if you need someone to represent you at the peace talks in Paris, I’m free to go as long as my expenses are paid. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/70 "2014-03-04T22:04:20Z")
Call the cops. Oh sure they won’t take it seriously. Until you mention she told you she had a gun, and threatened to shoot your dog if she sees you again. Oh the hilarity that will cause. (this is the US right) Of course she will deny it. they will still search her house and person pretty good, just to be sure. haha Now that is starting a war my friend. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/71 "2014-03-04T22:06:02Z")
I mean, she did call you a faggot, and threaten you with violence. One good turn deserves another. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/72 "2014-03-04T22:13:02Z")
Can’t you just, you know, [Mr. Burns Voice]‘release the hounds’[/MBV]? ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/73 "2014-03-04T22:57:00Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Amen to that. > I was driving down our street the other day when a school bus approached from the other direction. It put on it’s blinking reds so it could drop off the kids. I did like you’re supposed to, stopped and held my position till everything was clear and the bus driver turned off his reds. > While I’m sitting there this crazy lady jumps off the curb between me and the bus and starts recording me with her cell phone giving me dirty looks the whole time as if I was going to peel out past this stopped bus if her vigilant ass wasn’t there to save the day ready to report me to the authorites with the incriminating video. > Who knows? Maybe she’s seen one too many idiot drivers go past unloading school buses or something and now thinks shes the neighborhood guardian. Sorry, but this sounds to me like a different kind of crazy --she thought you had stopped _in order to watch the kids_ for nefarious purposes, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheField](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@LilyoftheField](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheField)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/74 "2014-03-04T23:52:48Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I know not for what reason World War IV will be fought, but World War III will be fought over dog shit. It’s a pretty safe bet that WWIV will be all about cat shit - but there’s reason to believe that this issue could possibly precede the dog shit war. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/75 "2014-03-05T00:18:47Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > 😉 While I am honored at the prospect of contributing a meme, it wasn’t a typo. Oh HO! It’s like that, is it? > [@](#): > > Be thankful I don’t know your birthday. I am every day. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheField](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@LilyoftheField](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheField)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/76 "2014-03-05T00:20:17Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > This thread giving anyone else déjà vu? Perhaps you read a previous thread that I had posted about my own misadventure with a lunatic neighbor while walking my dog? > **[maniac - or legitimate rage?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=712204)** > > yeah - well this is about dogs and I’m putting it in the pit because I suspect that there may be a few fanatics who are sympathetic to the maniac, and it could get ugly. I was walking my dog, like I often do, on the same route that I usually take. ... Then again…there have probably been many others, lol! ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/77 "2014-03-05T02:32:29Z")
1. So you neighbor knows you pick up your dog’s feces, fill a paper bag with them and place it on her porch. 2. Since the bag might not be immediately obvious, light it on fire. 3. Ring the doorbell. Since there has been some slight friction between you and her, I recommend leaving the area and watch from afar so you can see her joyous reaction at your responsible and neighborly behavior. ---
**Author:** ![yawuntz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a5b964/32.png) [@yawuntz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yawuntz)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/78 "2014-03-05T03:33:13Z")
I agree that you probably shouldn’t have called her a fucking nut job. But I’m glad you did. I would’ve too. How far are we supposed to go accommodate crazy people? Also agreed re reporting the threat. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/79 "2014-03-05T05:47:54Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > The husband isn’t necessarily the same as the wife. Especially since he’s buried in the back yard. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/80 "2014-03-05T06:12:37Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > Especially since he’s buried in the back yard. so, she didn’t pick her shit up with a baggie either? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823.md?page=5)