# Today I started a war with a neighbor **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 4, 2014, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823 "2014-03-04T14:06:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/101 "2014-03-06T03:22:50Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > This might raise a bit of ire but…what if you refuse to let the dog poop and tell him to hold it in for a few minutes? If he’s gonna poop, just start pulling the leash and keep walking. Its not going to kill him to hold it in > [@Jackmannii](#): > > Never had a dog, huh? > > The good thing about trying this with a dog - you’ll only wind up with a neurotic dog and a shit trail that extends over many yards. . . . :eek: I can testify that this is true. I have seen it attempted. By the way, you may keep walking, but the dog is now being dragged, hunched over, and trying to stop in a way that breaks the poo into punctuation : . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ---
**Author:** ![Caneknife](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Caneknife](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caneknife)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/102 "2014-03-06T10:46:30Z")
Sleep with Crazy lady’s husband, she will love that. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/103 "2014-03-06T14:07:38Z")
Take a poo bag, fill it with a wet facecloth or rag, knot it. Keep it in your pocket. Now whenever you see her, pull it out and swing it around like you’re about to launch it in her direction! Feel free to launch it at her at will. Oh, the fun you’ll have! ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/104 "2014-03-06T14:40:17Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > Damn it, I was just about to post this exact recommendation, pretty much verbatim. Get your fucking precognetic telepathic probes out of my skull this minute, Patch. :mad: Never! And take off that damn tinfoil hat! ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/105 "2014-03-06T19:50:06Z")
> [@crucible](#): > > You know what I’m going to say. Who, in their right mind, would own something that constantly makes waste you have to collect and dispose of, for the whole life of that something? and, you have to take it to the vet, and go get food for it, and worry about some neighbor kid screaming at the wrong time, causing your dog to rip off the kid’s face? What is the charm or pleasure of all that? > > When did you first begin to think, “I need a dog.” ??? Were you blitzed at the time? > > Frankly, all the preceding aside, who needs the day when it is time to dispose of that dog? To send it off to doggie heaven? And you get to enjoy depression for a month or two? Then you have a few drinks and say to yourself, “you know what? I’m going to get another dog.” You sound like a person that secretly wants a dog, but is afraid to take a chance. Might I suggest a pit bull? They are wonderful animals! ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/106 "2014-03-06T22:38:53Z")
First off … thank you for picking up the poop … > [@Jackmannii](#): > > The good thing about trying this with a dog - you’ll only wind up with a neurotic dog and a shit trail that extends over many yards. Attempt the “you don’t need to poop” line with a spouse, and you’re in deep trouble. :eek: Training your spouse to poop on command … not a pretty picture … just something I wish I’d never read … oh boy. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/107 "2014-03-07T04:50:19Z")
I think I asked this before (there was another thread, right?), but here goes again OP: Why are you even talking with the loon? Why didn’t you call the police immediately after you were threatened? ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/108 "2014-03-07T11:13:23Z")
Some people don’t like the cops ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/109 "2014-03-07T11:29:46Z")
> [@FXMastermind](#): > > Some people don’t like the cops Then those people, if they refuse to call the cops when it’s advisable to call the police, can sod off when they have problems with crazy and/or dangerous people who threaten them. “I don’t like cops” is a bigoted and asinine attitude. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/110 "2014-03-07T12:41:20Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Then those people, if they refuse to call the cops when it’s advisable to call the police, can sod off when they have problems with crazy and/or dangerous people who threaten them. “I don’t like cops” is a bigoted and asinine attitude. Bigoted? Asinine? I dunno, there are people who prefer to stay off the radar. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/111 "2014-03-07T13:00:14Z")
I usually tell crazy people I’m undercover DEA, and could they please not cause any trouble. Then punch them in the groin. ---
**Author:** ![Kelevra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/97f17d/32.png) [@Kelevra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelevra)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/112 "2014-03-07T15:14:07Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > I think I asked this before (there was another thread, right?), but here goes again > > OP: Why are you even talking with the loon? Why didn’t you call the police immediately after you were threatened? The threat was about the last thing said to me. But in general these things start as minor/innocuous and then escalate. At this point I won’t talk to her. As to why I didn’t call the police I guess the short answer is that in my judgment nothing was going to happen. It’s a very middle class neighborhood. These people keep their house and yard very neat. I don’t expect that the husband wants to go to jail because someone called his wife a name. All this feeds into my judgment of the situation. Perhaps my reaction is also colored by how I would deal with the situation if my wife told me this story. I’d say “You know, people are assholes. Just avoid them in the future.” ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/113 "2014-03-07T23:07:24Z")
**Kelevra** : The cops won’t talk to the husband about the threat. They’ll talk to the person who was stalking you and communicating the threat. It might even turn out fun: the loon could get a 72-hour psych eval hold (or whatever it’s currently called). From what you’ve posted here so far it seems that “just avoid them” wasn’t an option because the loon apparently is stalking you or at least staking out some part of your neighborhood to launch into an encounter with you. **kayker** : Yes, “I don’t like cops” is a bigoted and asinine statement. It’s showing the person making the statement is tarring an entire group for who knows what reason. ---
**Author:** ![Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/114 "2014-03-07T23:54:48Z")
NM… wrong thread. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/115 "2014-03-07T23:57:31Z")
> [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](#): > > If she’s asked you this three times now, then obviously she’s looking for some of it. So - next time she asks you, pull a baggie full of fresh poopies out and toss it into her open car window with a very polite, “Yes, would you like some? No problem - here you go - I’ve got plenty!” Tempting, but also the OP is a guy and she’s a woman, so in a “he says she says” confrontation he’d almost certainly lose. “He assaulted me! I thought I was going to be raped!” ---
**Author:** ![randompattern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/116 "2014-03-08T00:46:04Z")
Fucking nut-jobs Husband: You the guy called my wife a fucking nut-job? You: Yea she was stalking me. Hubby: Yea, well, sorry about that, she is a fucking nut-job. She’s always doing stuff like that, just ignore her. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/117 "2014-03-08T04:36:36Z")
While we now have nearly perfect neighbors (one is very nice, the other is invisible), there was an odd incident a couple days after we moved in. The doorbell rang, and I answered it to find two aggrieved women at the door who wanted to know if we owned the large white dog that was capering through people’s yards, committing antisocial acts. When I said no, I got glares of disbelief, but they left. I’m still sorry that I didn’t immediately (while they were still in earshot), go inside, shut the door and say loudly “GOOD DOG!!!” followed by maniacal laughter. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/118 "2014-03-08T09:59:48Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > **kayker** : Yes, “I don’t like cops” is a bigoted and asinine statement. It’s showing the person making the statement is tarring an entire group for who knows what reason. Wishing to stay off the radar is the sane position if you have Tommy Chong’s glasswork on your coffee table, a small garden in your basement, or many other situations. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/119 "2014-03-08T10:36:37Z")
There’s a difference between staying off the radar and making bigoted and asinine comments. “I don’t like cops” is no less bigoted than “I don’t like Asians”. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823/120 "2014-03-08T14:47:37Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Can’t you just, you know, [Mr. Burns Voice]‘release the hounds’[/MBV]? That may be my next euphemism for “taking a poop.” As of now, I tend to say “I have to go bomb China.” And OP, the solution’s easy. If it ever happens again, just rub her nose in it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/today-i-started-a-war-with-a-neighbor/682823.md?page=7)