# Today's Top Tip **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 14, 2002, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771 "2002-08-14T00:28:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/1 "2002-08-14T00:28:10Z")
My tip for the day - If you get a puncture on a bicycle, don’t stop at the side of the road and put your right foot on top of a fire ant nest :smack: Anyone got any other tips?? ---
**Author:** ![Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/2 "2002-08-14T01:32:42Z")
Look left and right before crossing a street. And \* mind the gap! \* 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/3 "2002-08-14T03:21:52Z")
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and the French love it, it’s probably Jerry Lewis. Tripler Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/4 "2002-08-14T03:30:46Z")
When taking both muscle relaxers and pain-killers for two separate ailments, even when both are prescribed by the same doctor, cancel your plans. For the day. [sub]Unless, of course, your plans involve a great deal of television watching through closed eyelids on the living room couch, and simultaneously being a cat perch and climbing toy for your child.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/5 "2002-08-14T04:43:36Z")
Don’t eat your boogers in public. ---
**Author:** ![Cruktar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d9b06d/32.png) [@Cruktar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cruktar)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/6 "2002-08-14T05:21:31Z")
When visiting a store called the “House of Celts,” make sure you have thoroughly researched it first. You may drive an hour to find out that is an avocado green house with kilts in the garage. -Kody ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/7 "2002-08-14T06:09:31Z")
Don’t run with scissors. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/8 "2002-08-14T07:01:46Z")
Don’t walk directly into a beehive. ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/9 "2002-08-14T09:44:04Z")
Never sniff your armpit at an auction. ---
**Author:** ![Zorro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ad7895/32.png) [@Zorro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zorro)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/10 "2002-08-14T12:40:53Z")
Don’t keep your dishwashing liquid in the garage. Leave it next to the kitchen sink where it’s nice and handy. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/11 "2002-08-14T13:05:32Z")
It is impolite to inquire about the vintage of the wine at the Communion Rail. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/12 "2002-08-14T13:08:59Z")
If you’re going to kill someone, do not wear his clothes when you go into battle with his adoptive father. Just a FYI. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/13 "2002-08-14T20:24:35Z")
If you’re in an airplane, the only time you can have too much fuel is if you’re on fire. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/14 "2002-08-14T21:02:02Z")
Here’s one I learned today: Remove the large piece of toilet paper from your shaving cut before walking around the office for 3 hours. ---
**Author:** ![EggNogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@EggNogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EggNogg)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/15 "2002-08-14T21:38:01Z")
Dont put a sock in the toaster. Its always got me throught life. egg ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/16 "2002-08-14T22:15:37Z")
When planning any action, consider if you might later be using the phrase ‘I just assumed…’ . Then un-assume. ---
**Author:** ![dinahmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dinahmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinahmoe)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/17 "2002-08-15T02:06:50Z")
I quote Joe Walsh: “It’s really hard to meditate on amphetamines.” ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/18 "2002-08-15T02:13:46Z")
Cats do not appreciate being used as doorstops or towels. ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/19 "2002-08-15T03:15:01Z")
Don’t shit where you eat. Hasn’t stopped me from dating at work before, but I’m hoping I wise up. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-top-tip/123771/20 "2002-08-15T03:33:22Z")
“Never, under any circumstances, drive with your butt cheeks.” “And remember-when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Good night!” -MST3K