# Today's totally baffling right wing quote **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 25, 2004, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369 "2004-08-25T00:48:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/41 "2004-08-25T15:14:13Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > You forgot to invoke the murrain upon his mess of pottage. > > By the way, will you be signing up as a full-time member when your Guestship is up? > > [old salt] > > I like the cut of your jib, matey. > > [/old salt] I sure will be, this place is very interesting, and is a great way to find news/info quickly, without sorting through all the “noise”. Find an interesting topic, and then jump to the sites or cites. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/42 "2004-08-25T15:18:40Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > It’s kind of surprising how quickly people will change their minds on a policy if it actually affects someone they love. So if Jenna Bush gets herself knocked up during one of her tequila-fueled all-night sprees through the nightclubs of idle-rich Manhattan, will the President come out in favor of abortion on demand? Or will Laura ship her down to Acapulco for a discreet Mexican procedure? Or will they find the “sperm donor” and arrange a shotgun wedding? ---
**Author:** ![spectrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@spectrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spectrum)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/43 "2004-08-25T15:19:24Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#): > > What’s wrong with leaving the decision to legalize or recognize gay marriages up to the states? What’s wrong is leaving fundamental issues of equality to an up/down popular vote. Equality for all, and not at the whim of the majority, is the only proper posture to take on this or any other equality issue. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/44 "2004-08-25T15:27:46Z")
To make everything “fair”, let’s go to the extreme. Along with “unapproved” orientations being bad, let’s do the following so the Family Guy (Perkins) doesn’t feel left out. Henceforth, no one shall have sex except with their spouse. Said sex shall be only for the express purpose of procreation. It shall be performed only in the missionary postion, in the dark. There shall be no foreplay. There shall be no “afterplay”. There shall be no fancy neglige or Zorro costume, or anything else. There shall be no dirty talk, pillow talk etc. Anyone unable to conceive children shall be barred from marrying, since the sole purpose of marriage shall be to breed. As artificial insemination technology improves, all sex shall eventually be unnecessary and shall be outlawed (cuz it’s dirty). That sounds fair to me. Sex is bad. It leads to dancing, card playing and singing. Don’t do sex. Sex is bad. Mkay. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/45 "2004-08-25T15:30:47Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > May the Great Ham descend upon Perkins in righteous wrath and abominable fury. May his hemmorhoids prosper and multiply. Don’t you see that the anti-SSM amendment would actually be reducing the proliferation of hemorrhoids? Shees, talk about pointing out the obvious! 😉 Sam ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/46 "2004-08-25T15:30:51Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > May the Great Ham descend upon Perkins in righteous wrath and abominable fury. May his hemmorhoids prosper and multiply. Don’t you see that the anti-SSM amendment would actually be reducing the proliferation of hemorrhoids? Sheesh, talk about pointing out the obvious! 😉 Sam ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/47 "2004-08-25T15:32:10Z")
Hey, whatever happened to the “you may only post once per 60 second interval” message? :grumble grumble: Sam ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/48 "2004-08-25T16:06:06Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > So if Jenna Bush gets herself knocked up during one of her tequila-fueled all-night sprees through the nightclubs of idle-rich Manhattan, will the President come out in favor of abortion on demand? > > Or will Laura ship her down to Acapulco for a discreet Mexican procedure? Or will they find the “sperm donor” and arrange a shotgun wedding? I hear college breaks in Europe are quite nice and they have very good doctors there - you know, just in case you were in a car accident or something. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/49 "2004-08-25T17:00:32Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > a) It was a list > b) It was a multiple-choice question > c) Hack her to death with a kitchen knife “Hack her to death with a kitchen knife” should replace “hi opal” from now on. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/50 "2004-08-25T17:02:02Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > “Hack her to death with a kitchen knife” should replace “hi opal” from now on. Heh – I was just thinking that. ---
**Author:** ![threemae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f9b8f/32.png) [@threemae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threemae)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/51 "2004-08-25T17:19:26Z")
In the most recent remarks, one should also note that Cheney made explicit reference to his comments on the campaign trail in 2000; he held the same views back then and hasn’t changed them. He was in support of states rights regarding marriage back then, was in the last 4 years, and is in support of the states now to define marriage as they wish. He has said that he would tolerate the administrations policy views, but personally disagreed with them. What do you expect him to do, bang his shoe on the table and say, “I refuse!”? Well, at least he is publicly stating now that his personal views still lie with allowing for SSM. Full disclosure: > **[Fuck yeah! (Cheney on gay marriages)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=272943)** > > Fuck yeah! http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/3596732.stm Certainly this administration has been responsible for a lot of stupid asshatery over the last few years, and Cheney is no exception, but finally, thank god, a member of it has... ---
**Author:** ![spectrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@spectrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spectrum)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/52 "2004-08-25T17:47:24Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Heh – I was just thinking that. We could compromise between tradition and this brave new thing. “Hack Opal to death with a kitchen knife?” Not that I would, just to be clear. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/53 "2004-08-25T19:11:50Z")
wouldn’t it be simpler just to say: “3. Hack Opal.” ?? 😕😃 ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/54 "2004-08-25T19:24:13Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > wouldn’t it be simpler just to say: > > “3. Hack Opal.” > > ?? 😕😃 I think you’re on to something. It’s less dangerous then saying hack Cheney. I wonder if Carnivore will parse that and send the black vans to my house. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/55 "2004-08-25T19:32:15Z")
> [@spectrum](#): > > We could compromise between tradition and this brave new thing. Just to be clear, “hack her to death with a kitchen knife” is not exactly new. It goes back about 25 years. In fact, back in my music school days, I had a friend that wrote a song by that name. His band usually played it just before his other hit, I Parked My Car in Harvard Yard (They Put the Boot on it). ---
**Author:** ![vd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b19c9b/32.png) [@vd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vd)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/56 "2004-08-25T19:50:03Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > So if Jenna Bush gets herself knocked up during one of her tequila-fueled all-night sprees through the nightclubs of idle-rich Manhattan, will the President come out in favor of abortion on demand? > > Or will Laura ship her down to Acapulco for a discreet Mexican procedure? Or will they find the “sperm donor” and arrange a shotgun wedding? They’ll transfer the birth to Alabama and the baby will never show up. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/57 "2004-08-25T21:40:33Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I disagree; it’s because I’ll be forced to have sex with another man; that’s right! ANOTHER one, and it might be Liam Neeson or something, I dunno. So, you’ve already had sex with a man and worry you’ll be forced to have sex with another one? Wasn’t the first time a good experience? Was the first encounter forced? Enquiring minds wanna know. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/58 "2004-08-25T21:41:54Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > “Hack her to death with a kitchen knife” should replace “hi opal” from now on. I second that. Shall we vote? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/59 "2004-08-25T21:43:57Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > In any event, my hatred and persecution is somewhat limited: I support civil unions that would permit the full legal effects of marriage, and I believe that this decision should be enacted at the state level. This makes me a ferverent bigot, you see. > > - Rick Separate but equal is neither. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369/60 "2004-08-25T21:54:06Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > **Otto** apparently believes that anyone who thinks marriage is an issue for the states to recognize is not actually a fan of federalism, but merely using that as a smokescreen for advance a hatred and persecution of gays. > > Or perhaps he merely believes that _I_ am merely using that as a smokescreen for advance a hatred and persecution of gays. > > I don’t know. > > In any event, my hatred and persecution is somewhat limited: I support civil unions that would permit the full legal effects of marriage, and I believe that this decision should be enacted at the state level. This makes me a ferverent bigot, you see. > > - Rick Climb down off the cross, Ricky. I’ve explained how I feel about your opposition to SSM a dozen times before. I think your legal reasoning is wrong and I think your “keep the word ‘marriage’ for us heterosexuals” attitude is fucked up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/todays-totally-baffling-right-wing-quote/261369.md?page=4)