# Toejam

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168>\
**Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\
**Created:** [August 11, 1999, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168 "1999-08-11T15:19:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 7\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![PatronAnejo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac8455/32.png) [@PatronAnejo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatronAnejo)\
**Post date:** [August 11, 1999, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168/1 "1999-08-11T15:19:00Z")

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This is from The Straight Dope of 30 June 1989  
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\<img src="" alt="" align=“right” WIDTH="" HEIGHT=""\>\</p\>–\>  
**Dear Cecil:**  
**What the hell is toejam, anyway? --Goofy Gholson, west suburbs, Chicago**  
Dear Goofy:  
The grotty stuff that collects between your toes, of course. A “toejam  
football” is the disgusting ellipsoid that forms when you rub it with your  
finger. What Freudian significance it had for the Beatles (cf “Come Together”)  
I’d just as soon not know.  
–CECIL ADAMS\<font size=+1\>\</font\>

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No way Cecil really wrote this.&nbsp; Surely the Great One would realize  
that to the _Beatles_, a “toejam football” would be a disgusting **spheroid**.&nbsp;  
Perhaps he had Aerosmith’s version in mind.  
[--Patron1@aol.com](mailto:--Patron1@aol.com)

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**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 1999, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168/2 "1999-08-12T00:47:00Z")

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From a 1946 _Funk & Wagnalls_ sitting on a nearby shelf:

**ellipsoid** , _n. Geom._ A solid every plane section of which is an ellipse or a circle.

**spheroid** , _n._ A body having nearly the form of a sphere.  
A football, or a football-shaped roll of toejam, would not be an ellipsoid, because it’s pointy on the ends. However, “spheroid” is not an accurate description either, as these little rolled-up bits of gook can hardly be said to have “nearly the form of a sphere.”

* * *

I’m not flying fast, just orbiting low.

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**Author:** ![Big\_Iron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Big\_Iron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Iron)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 1999, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168/3 "1999-08-12T03:51:00Z")

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Er, no doubt the poster was referring to the fact that in England, from whence the Fab Four hail, they refer to soccer as “football.”

I don’t like it any better than you, of course, long having been pre-disposed to mistrust the Brits, and finding their usage here contrary to all logic and justice and decency.

Of course, Cecil must be granted poetic license when addressing his mainly Yank Teeming Millions …

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**Author:** ![Big\_Iron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Big\_Iron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Iron)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 1999, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168/4 "1999-08-12T03:53:00Z")

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I’m all hopped up on Nyquill – never mind me.

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**Author:** ![PatronAnejo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac8455/32.png) [@PatronAnejo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatronAnejo)\
**Post date:** [June 7, 2009, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168/5 "2009-06-07T02:45:07Z")

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> [@tracer](#):
>
> From a 1946 _Funk & Wagnalls_ sitting on a nearby shelf:
> 
> **ellipsoid** , _n. Geom._ A solid every plane section of which is an ellipse or a circle.
> 
> **spheroid** , _n._ A body having nearly the form of a sphere.  
> A football, or a football-shaped roll of toejam, would not be an ellipsoid, because it’s pointy on the ends. However, “spheroid” is not an accurate description either, as these little rolled-up bits of gook can hardly be said to have “nearly the form of a sphere.”
> 
> * * *
> 
> I’m not flying fast, just orbiting low.

Why don’t you compare the entry for _football_ in your Funk & Wagnall’s with the entry for same in the OED, genius?

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**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\
**Post date:** [June 7, 2009, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168/6 "2009-06-07T08:41:16Z")

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> [@PatronAnejo](#):
>
> Why don’t you compare the entry for _football_ in your Funk & Wagnall’s with the entry for same in the OED, genius?

Way to zing him. Did it take 10 years to formulate that reply? I have no real opinion on toejam, I’m just confused by the dates of these posts. Did you really wait TEN years before replying to **tracer**? (who incidentally hasn’t posted in over a year himself, but give him another 8 or 9 years…)

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**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\
**Post date:** [June 7, 2009, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toejam/168/7 "2009-06-07T23:50:54Z")

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Normally we don’t object to resurrecting old threads in this forum provided something substantive is added. I see nothing substantive here, so I’ll go ahead and close this thread.

bibliophage  
moderator CCC