# Toilet paper
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 5, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873 "2008-12-05T16:32:51Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/1 "2008-12-05T16:32:51Z")
It is so simple. Some things should not be fucked with. My wife bought single ply toilet paper. It has all the absorbency of white saran wrap. It smears . You have to do it over and over. When I asked her why …It was on sale. I am glad there weren’t corn cobs on sale. She bought 48 rolls of this crap. Something so simple and easy has become a problem. DAMN
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### Author:  [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/2 "2008-12-05T16:51:02Z")
This is one product I never go cheap on. I may not be a Hilton, but I treat my ass like one.
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/3 "2008-12-05T16:58:29Z")
Affirmed. One item upon which I will not skimp.
No semi-transparent gossamer sheets that tear at the slightest pull. No recycled sandpaper. I’d rather use my sleeve, or (be forewarned) your hand towel.
One of the worst aspects of traveling abroad. My pampered American ass has lofty standards.
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### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/4 "2008-12-05T17:11:58Z")
> [@Omegaman](#):
>
> I may not be a Hilton, but I treat my ass like one.
You bought your ass a chihuahua?
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/5 "2008-12-05T17:14:38Z")
Moving tale of grocery shopping gone wrong to MPSIMS…
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### Author:  [@minor7flat5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minor7flat5)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/6 "2008-12-05T17:22:27Z")
You haven’t experienced poor quality TP until you tried it in a foreign land.
My first time I went to South America I was aghast at the presence of _wood chips_ in the TP.
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/7 "2008-12-05T17:26:22Z")
Can I ask, does anyone here buy Scott Tissue and if so, why? I find it so thin and hard. (That’s what she said.)
I’m a Cottonelle fan myself. I likes the ridges.
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### Author:  [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/8 "2008-12-05T17:44:58Z")
I buy whichever brand has the puppy dogs on the label. But only because \*real \*puppy dogs squirm too damn much when I wipe my ass with them.
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### Author:  [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/9 "2008-12-05T17:47:19Z")
> [@Omegaman](#):
>
> This is one product I never go cheap on. I may not be a Hilton, but I treat my ass like one.
You make grainy amateur sex videos featuring your _ass?_
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### Author:  [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/10 "2008-12-05T17:47:27Z")
> [@gigi](#):
>
> Can I ask, does anyone here buy Scott Tissue and if so, why? I find it so thin and hard. (That’s what she said.)
>
> I’m a Cottonelle fan myself. I likes the ridges.
Oof! Scott Tissue is not permitted!
My husband does the grocery shopping now. I went to the loo, reached for the paper, and found . . . . Scott Tissue!
“Dear, why do we have Scott paper?”
“I don’t know. I just grabbed whatever was on the shelf.”
“Is it because you’re trying to save money? Because I don’t care how tight things are, this is one area not to scrimp on.”
“No, I just didn’t think it mattered.”
“Well it does. Scott tissue makes lady bits angry. And if you’d like to continue to have anything to do with said lady bits, you’d be well advised to treat them nicely. And that means no Scott Tissue.”
Didn’t think it mattered? I thought men were the ones all particular about bog roll.
And to show how great my spouse is, he used the rest of the dread Scott paper and bought me our customary Charmin.
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### Author:  [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/11 "2008-12-05T17:47:45Z")
> [@Uvula\_Donor](#):
>
> I buy whichever brand has the puppy dogs on the label. But only because \*real \*puppy dogs squirm too damn much when I wipe my ass with them.
Thats why a cat is a better choice. Hamster too if you are careful.
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### Author:  [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/12 "2008-12-05T17:51:06Z")
> [@gonzomax](#):
>
> Thats why a cat is a better choice. Hamster too if you are careful.
Are you kidding? Cats are pointy on five of their six ends!
I say bunny rabbits.
(Seriously, I’m so spoiled, I get the grown up version of diaper wipes. It makes my tushie happy.)
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### Author:  [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/13 "2008-12-05T17:55:10Z")
Scott flushes easier. You do realize you can tear a long piece and fold it in half, don’t you (Unless it’s [Shabbat, apparently](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=495965))?
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### Author:  [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/14 "2008-12-05T18:00:14Z")
> [@phouka](#):
>
> Are you kidding? Cats are pointy on five of their six ends!
Not if they’re declawed!
d&r
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### Author:  [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/15 "2008-12-05T18:07:05Z")
My father served in the Korean Police Action, and apparently was traumatized by the toilet paper (or lack thereof) available. No matter what else he has to scrimp on, he insists on nice toilet paper, and plenty of it.
I’m not quite that picky, but I don’t like cheap toilet paper. If a store has poor quality toilet paper in its public restrooms, I don’t shop there.
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### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/16 "2008-12-05T18:23:21Z")
> [@gonzomax](#):
>
> Thats why a cat is a better choice. Hamster too if you are careful.
Personally, I take [Gargantua’s advice](http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Gargantua/Chapter_XIII) and only wipe my posterior with the neck of a goose:
“Afterwards I wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf’s skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney’s bag, with a montero, with a coif, with a falconer’s lure. But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs.”
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/17 "2008-12-05T18:51:49Z")
> [@gonzomax](#):
>
> Thats why a cat is a better choice. Hamster too if you are careful.
They’re self cleaning too. They’ll have the fur licked clean in no time.
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### Author:  [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/18 "2008-12-05T19:10:38Z")
Because of other folks who live in my house, I get the Kroger kind which is sort of a compromise. Two-ply, kind of soft, not too soft, not too expensive.
I don’t really care. I’d probably use corn cobs, if that’s all I had. 😛
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### Author:  [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/19 "2008-12-05T19:41:19Z")
Charmin only! Whatever style is on sale.
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [December 5, 2008, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873/20 "2008-12-05T19:46:26Z")
> [@Solfy](#):
>
> And to show how great my spouse is, he used the rest of the dread Scott paper and bought me our customary Charmin.
The second momentous [Dread Scott decision](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dred_Scott_v._Sandford), but with a nice ending.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/toilet-paper/475873.md?page=2)