# Tom Cruise vs The Martians **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 15, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019 "2004-08-15T23:47:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/21 "2004-08-16T10:02:21Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > my guess is that the studio’s going to want an overblown, popcorn CGI fest with big name actors and no plot. Not that Spielberg isn’t perfectly capable of screwing up a movie without any meddling interference, but isn’t meddling interference something he’s pretty much immune to? I mean, I’m guessing that this will be a Dreamworks film so he’s pretty much the boss, right? Even if he made the film for another studio (does he do that anymore or all his films Dreamworks?), there isn’t a studio exec in the world who could _make_ him do anything he didn’t want. Now, it’s entirely possible that Spielberg himself will want it to be “an overblown, popcorn CGI fest with big name actors and no plot” but if he decides he wants it to be a plodding, sentimental, faux-spiritual allegory I figure that’s exactly what he’ll make. (for 🙂 or for ☹ but most probably for :rolleyes: ) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/22 "2004-08-16T19:06:22Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Dude, do you write for Hollywood? Because that’s so close to the kind of crap Hollywood spews out, it’s scary. The only thing you’ve forgotten is the romantic interest for Cruise. There will be no romantic interest for Tom Cruise in the movie. This will be to avoid losing either the gay or the female demographic. Most likely, Cruise will have a female costar whom he will save often so both women and gays can swoon over what a great guy he is. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/23 "2004-08-16T22:50:24Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > I think there are really only two approaches to take to this source material. Either do an _I Robot_ thing and simply dump everything but the title and the basic concept updated to modern day (and probably with the Martians not being Martians) or do like a _Sky Captain_ thing and do a retro-science fiction piece which is loyal to Wells’ book and winks a little bit at some of its dated ideas. Go with the second one, Steve! Go with the second one! Please! Pretty please! BTW: Yes, there is a John Carter movie being made. According to Movies Online ([http://www.moviesonline.ca/details\_news.php?id=624](http://www.moviesonline.ca/details_news.php?id=624)) and Killer Movies ([http://www.killermovies.com/p/aprincessofmars/articles/4284.html](http://www.killermovies.com/p/aprincessofmars/articles/4284.html)), Kerry Conran, director of _Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow,_ will be directing Paramount’s _Princess of Mars_ – replacing Robert Rodriguez, who was slated to direct, but ran into trouble when he resigned from the Director’s Guild of America over its “one-director-one-movie” policy ([http://www.comicscommunity.com/boards/allred/?noframes;read=10691](http://www.comicscommunity.com/boards/allred/?noframes;read=10691)). Hey, Steve, I’ve got an even better idea: Why don’t you hand off this project to Conran? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/24 "2004-08-17T03:10:22Z")
As others have said, the only way I’m actually interested is if it’s faithful to the orginal. They’ve already done a modern remake and it was called Independence day. There was even Mars Attacks(which apparently I’m one of the few people who actually liked that movie). So there’s not much point in remaking it, otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/25 "2004-08-17T03:58:24Z")
The concept sounds cool, but like some other fans of the original novel, I will be upset if he really butchers it, mainly because I want to see a modern movie take of this. Stuff that would be cool to see as a movie- HMS _Thunder Child_ taking on one of the tripods, receiving a hit from the Martian Heat ray and bursting into flame, but continuing to charge until the flaming hulk of the battleship rams into the tripods, causing this huge tidal wave of steam/boiling water to head towards hapless victims. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/26 "2004-08-17T04:02:35Z")
I only want to see it if they do it as the Brooklyn Theater Production of The War of da Woilds. “JOIMS! Joims have killed the mashuns! Fuckin’ A!” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/27 "2004-08-17T04:21:52Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Go with the second one, Steve! Go with the second one! Please! Pretty please! > > BTW: Yes, there is a John Carter movie being made. According to Movies Online ([MoviesOnline](http://www.moviesonline.ca/details_news.php?id=624)) and Killer Movies ([Kerry Conran To Direct 'A Princess Of Mars'](http://www.killermovies.com/p/aprincessofmars/articles/4284.html)), Kerry Conran, director of _Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow,_ will be directing Paramount’s _Princess of Mars_ – replacing Robert Rodriguez, who was slated to direct, but ran into trouble when he resigned from the Director’s Guild of America over its “one-director-one-movie” policy ([http://www.comicscommunity.com/boards/allred/?noframes;read=10691](http://www.comicscommunity.com/boards/allred/?noframes;read=10691)). > > Hey, Steve, I’ve got an even better idea: Why don’t you hand off this project to Conran? That gives me hope, _Sky Captain_ looks to be damned cool, and if it turns out to _be_ cool, then I’ll have no worries about him screwing up _Princess of Mars_. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/28 "2004-08-17T04:29:27Z")
For years, I’ve wished somebody would do a faithful version of _War of the Worlds_, set in C. 1900 Britain. I want to see Martian fighting machines, the Heat Ray, the Black Smoke, the Red Weed, the epic end of the _Thunder Child_, the deserted London… only problem would be dealing with the end, which is too anticlimactic for modern screenplays. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/29 "2004-08-17T15:15:52Z")
I actually \*like \* Tom Cruise, please, won’t someone stop him?? ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/30 "2004-08-17T18:06:21Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > As others have said, the only way I’m actually interested is if it’s faithful to the orginal. They’ve already done a modern remake and it was called Independence day. There was even Mars Attacks(which apparently I’m one of the few people who actually liked that movie). So there’s not much point in remaking it, otherwise. You are not alone, Mrs. Prefect and myself love Mars Attacks. And I also hope it is a faithful rendition of the book. ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/31 "2004-08-17T18:15:18Z")
Sure, it would be cool if the new movie was faithful to the book, but it would also be cool if the lead character was named Dr. Clayton Forrester in a little tribute to both the George Pal version and MST3K (“Push the button, Frank”). ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/32 "2004-08-17T19:24:40Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > I only want to see it if they do it as the Brooklyn Theater Production of The War of da Woilds. > > “JOIMS! Joims have killed the mashuns! Fuckin’ A!” Hey! ---
**Author:** ![mbacko1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@mbacko1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbacko1)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/33 "2004-08-17T19:35:27Z")
What, no mention of **1920’s Style Death Rays**? This is a \*\*War of the Worlds \*\* Thread People! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MysteriousSmell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9e5f3/32.png) [@MysteriousSmell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteriousSmell)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/34 "2004-08-17T20:10:54Z")
> [@Baldwin](#): > > … only problem would be dealing with the end, which is too anticlimactic for modern screenplays. They should keep the same ending, only instead of a biological virus, the humans should make a computer virus and infect the aliens computers with …oh. I see. Never mind. Honestly I never realized until just now that I.D. stole that ending. There’s no way that it can be coincidece right? Anyway, beyond the fact that the original WotW ending was anticlimactic (which I thought was the best part of the original, that the problem just sort of solved itself without human intervention) its so well known now that it wouldnt have any where near the shock value it did the first time around. As Tim Burton did with Planet of the Apes, they’ll have to come up with another twist ending (err…hopefully there will make sense though, unlike T. Burtons craptastic “ending”). ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/35 "2004-08-17T21:03:05Z")
> [@Elenia28](#): > > I actually \*like \* Tom Cruise, > > please, won’t someone stop him?? I’d like to. …with a Mack truck. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/36 "2004-08-18T03:13:17Z")
> [@MysteriousSmell](#): > > As Tim Burton did with Planet of the Apes, they’ll have to come up with another twist ending (err…hopefully there will make sense though, unlike T. Burtons craptastic “ending”). How about…the Martians win. That would be quite a twist as nobody would be expecting a studio to approve it. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/37 "2004-08-19T19:47:19Z")
Which reminds me…wasn’t there a TV series of War of the Worlds? What was that about? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/38 "2004-08-19T21:03:09Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Which reminds me…wasn’t there a TV series of War of the Worlds? What was that about? [TV Tome entry](http://www.tvtome.com/WaroftheWorlds/) ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/39 "2004-08-19T21:13:33Z")
> [@mbacko1](#): > > What, no mention of **1920’s Style Death Rays**? This is a \*\*War of the Worlds \*\* Thread People! 😃 You mean **1900’s Style Heat Rays**. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019/40 "2004-08-20T00:10:25Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > Hey! To clarify, that was from a Saturday Night Live sketch several years ago, with Tony Danza as the host. “Da Brooklyn Academy of Fine Arts’ Production of Da War of da Woilds!” Best bit was at the end, with Nora Dunn as a TV anchorwoman with a big graphic behind her reading “JOIMS!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-cruise-vs-the-martians/260019.md?page=3)