# Tom Swifties, Doper style! (new old game)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [July 31, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763 "2002-07-31T21:41:11Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\
**Post date:** [July 31, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763/1 "2002-07-31T21:41:11Z")

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I’m hoping I’m not the only Doper who remembers “Tom Swifties.” They’re those little “excruciating adverbial puns” as one website I was poking around on said. Some examples:

> [@](#):
>
> “I can’t believe I ate that whole pineapple!” Tom said, dolefully.
> 
> “That’s the last time I’ll ever pet a lion,” Tom said, offhandedly.
> 
> “I’ll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!” Tom said, beside himself.
> 
> “That’s the third electric shock I’ve gotten this week!” Tom said, revolted.

The game I propose is that we make Tom Swifties out of thread titles, in the hopes that general hilarity will ensue. Be sure to include the OPer’s name as “Tom.”

I’ll start, from the Pit (which is what gave me the idea). “Listen closely, people: parallel lines NEVER intersect!” ultrafilter said crossly.

Go nuts.

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**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\
**Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763/2 "2002-08-01T01:23:31Z")

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In MPSIMS: “Gimme the dirt on Ayn Rand,” smiling bandit said objectively.

Haj

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**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\
**Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763/3 "2002-08-01T01:35:22Z")

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MPSIMS:

“Is There A Banana Eating Controversey?” Tretiak wondered, fruitfully.

“I’m naked on the Internet today!” yellow peril exclaimed, flashily.

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**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\
**Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763/4 "2002-08-03T09:34:27Z")

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“I just went skydiving!” **A wizard song for thee** said airily.

“Some storm in NYC tonight, eh?” **LolaCocaCola** said coldly.

“Half-naked passed-out women in bars!” **kittenblue** announced lustily.

“I went to a foam party!” **matt\_mcl** bubbled.

“What to do About a Bad Landlord?” **meyer** asked proprietarily.

“The Fireflies Light Up NYC!” **RTFirefly** said brightly.

Lord, I could do this all night, but I’ll stop now.

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**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\
**Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763/5 "2002-08-03T14:28:00Z")

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“Thunder? Earthquake? Plane Crash? I just woke up!” **d12** roared.

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**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\
**Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties-doper-style-new-old-game/121763/6 "2002-08-03T16:46:21Z")

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In GQ:

“Is my computer headed for the graveyard?” asked **BobT** , with deathly seriousness.

"Why do paper cuts hurt soooo bad? " **Soccaplaya** asked painfully.

From GD:

“Manners: Who needs them?” **BlackKnight** interrupted and asked loudly.

“A-Bomb, what was it good for?” **Jimmyx** asks explosively.

In the Cafe:

“First Knight was a piece of SHIT!!!” **El Elvis Rojo** exclaimed, less than chivalrously.

And finally, **Superdude** noodles the question, “How can I thicken up store-bought spaghetti sauce?”  
Gee, this can be pretty fun once you get rolling…