# Tom Swifties **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 3, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390 "2003-09-03T20:25:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/1 "2003-09-03T20:25:39Z")
“I just love Vonnegut,” he said curtly. “I really hate this government,” cooed the Generalissimo. “Ouch! Stupid lobster!!” snapped the cook. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/2 "2003-09-03T20:38:07Z")
“I’m missing something in my underwear” said Tom Green testily. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/3 "2003-09-03T20:42:30Z")
“Why don’t you try on this negligee?” Tom said transparently. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/4 "2003-09-03T20:47:28Z")
“I don’t want want to be your knight in shining armor,” said Tom cavalierly. ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/5 "2003-09-03T21:56:32Z")
My dad gave me Tom Swift books when I was a kid. I still have one of them: Tom Swift And His Electric Rifle “Never pet a crocodile,” Tom said off-handedly. “Scotch on the rocks,” said Tom icily. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/6 "2003-09-03T22:07:20Z")
“The prisoner is going down the stairs”, Tom said condescendingly. “I hate refracting telescopes”, Tom said reflectively. “ **Check out this typeface** ”, Tom asked boldly. ---
**Author:** ![Live\_Better\_Electrically](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@Live\_Better\_Electrically](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Live_Better_Electrically)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/7 "2003-09-03T22:12:15Z")
“Two plus two is five,” Tom added lamely. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/8 "2003-09-03T22:34:41Z")
“So…um…er…how do I get off this road?” Tom asked round-aboutly. ---
**Author:** ![AmbushBug](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ambushbug/32/4600_2.png) [@AmbushBug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmbushBug)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/9 "2003-09-03T23:06:26Z")
“I’ve dropped the toothpaste”, Tom said, crestfallen. ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/10 "2003-09-03T23:06:27Z")
Two of my favorites: “I’m glad I passed my electrocardiogram,” Tom said wholeheartedly. “I’m dying,” Tom croaked. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/11 "2003-09-03T23:22:01Z")
“Where’s your monthly report?” asked Tom weakly. ---
**Author:** ![Extraneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/0ea827/32.png) [@Extraneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Extraneous)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/12 "2003-09-04T01:02:56Z")
“Who swiped my flower?” Tom inquired lackadaisically. ---
**Author:** ![Skott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Skott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skott)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/13 "2003-09-04T01:23:40Z")
“What’s the exchange rate around here?” Tom asked frankly. “Vince Vaughn is one of my favorite actors,” Tom said swingingly. “Stop watching West Side Story!” Tom snapped. ---
**Author:** ![ErinPuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dbc845/32.png) [@ErinPuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ErinPuff)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/14 "2003-09-04T01:30:46Z")
“I love my boyfriend!” Tom said gaily. “I dropped my toothpaste,” Tom said, crestfallen. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/15 "2003-09-04T02:14:22Z")
“Yeah, I heard about the typhoon in HK. It was no big deal,” said Tom breezily. ---
**Author:** ![Nekosoft](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c2a13f/32.png) [@Nekosoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nekosoft)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/16 "2003-09-04T03:08:34Z")
I inadvertently came up with one at work the other day when I remark that one of our coworkers had called to say: “all his long pants were in the dryer and he’ll be in shortly”. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/17 "2003-09-04T03:19:43Z")
“What number did you say came after ‘seven’?” Tom asked sedately. ---
**Author:** ![Suse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Suse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suse)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/18 "2003-09-04T04:31:22Z")
“Where in the world have I left my glasses?” Tom asked searchingly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/19 "2003-09-04T06:34:04Z")
“What bird is that?” asked Tom swiftly ---
**Author:** ![Bandersnitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@Bandersnitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bandersnitch)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/20 "2003-09-04T06:38:43Z")
“My feet hurt,” Tom said flatly. “I feel A-1 today,” Tom said saucily. “I’ll trim those bushes later,” Tom hedged. “Yes, he’s really dead,” Tom said stiffly. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390.md?page=2)