# Tom Swifties **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 3, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390 "2003-09-03T20:25:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/21 "2003-09-04T06:41:41Z")
“Let me tell you about my sleep last night,” said Tom dreamily. ---
**Author:** ![Holodeck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Holodeck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Holodeck)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/22 "2003-09-04T06:54:31Z")
The Gophers have collapsed the golfers clubhouse; Tom said underminingly My doctor may have removed my brain!; Tom said absentmindedly Mt Father met some of his shady friends in Dallas in 1963; Tom whispered conpiratorily Lassie drop that bone! Tom barked! I heard that Mr. Hammil may get to play Luke skywalker again in Star Wars episode 3 Tom re-marked. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/23 "2003-09-04T07:38:54Z")
“I don’t know what to do, I just ran out of toothpaste,” Tom said aimlessly. “I love wine spritzers,” Tom said fizzily. “I have a cabin cruiser and I’m taking it out on the Lake,” Tom said Superiorly. “I thought you said it was an open book exam!” Tom said, testily. “The Broadway stage has always been my highest ambition,” Tom said, dramatically. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/24 "2003-09-04T13:50:11Z")
“I remember what I did before I was ten years old,” Tom said benignly. “Weird Al Yankovic is a good musician”, Tom said accordingly. “That’s how I always throw,” Tom said underhandedly. “I’m into analingus,” was Tom’s tongue-in-cheek remark. ---
**Author:** ![acrossthesea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@acrossthesea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/acrossthesea)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/25 "2003-09-04T14:16:49Z")
“Oh, I just LOOOOVE horses!” Tom whinnied. “I hate when the post office loses my mail and I have to mail it out again!” Tom said resentfully. “Boy am I glad to be at the airport in LA again,” Tom said, relaxed. “Stop banging my knee!” Tom yelled, reflexively. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/26 "2003-09-04T14:26:15Z")
“He’s a poor surgeon,” Tom said, cuttingly. “I can’t seem to stop this horse,” Tom sighed woefully. “That Johnson boy on the Diamondbacks is SO HOT!” exclaimed Tom randily. “Schilling is hotter.” replied Huck curtly. “Who’s up for Monopoly?” Tom asked gamely. “I’m gonna sneak into their house and steal their television!” Tom broke in. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/27 "2003-09-04T14:35:31Z")
“Oh boy! I just love homosexual necrophilia!” said Tom in dead earnest. [sub]I’m going to hell[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/28 "2003-09-04T14:53:37Z")
“At least I didn’t lose _every_ game,” Tom said winsomely. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/29 "2003-09-04T15:20:49Z")
“What? I have to kill all the young cattle from _this_ herd too?” complained Tom revealingly. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/30 "2003-09-04T15:37:49Z")
“Gimme two bratwursts,” said Tom, with relish. ---
**Author:** ![Drogulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Drogulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drogulus)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/31 "2003-09-04T15:44:27Z")
“I love camping out,” said Tom intently. “No, you can’t have any of my oysters,” said Tom shellfishly. “I’m drowning off the Isle of Wight!” said Tom insolently. “You’re as beautiful as the Venus de Milo,” said Tom disarmingly. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/32 "2003-09-04T16:43:03Z")
“I kill cookware,” Tom deadpanned. “I hate the taste of this medicine,” Tom complained bitterly. “The northern edge of Pennsylvania is spooky in some places,” Tom said in an eerie voice. “I hate snake bites!” Tom said venomously. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/33 "2003-09-04T18:12:26Z")
“OH! OH! OOOH! AAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOHHHHHHH!” she screamed cumpassionately ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/34 "2003-09-04T19:35:33Z")
“I love Star Trek” Tom said enterprisingly. “In which book did they start - I’ve read the first two and there aren’t any in them,” Voyager said swiftly. ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/35 "2003-09-04T20:22:43Z")
“When installing a switch, be sure not to cross the wires”, said Tom shockingly. “Wow, that’s the first 7-10 split I ever picked up”, Tom said sparingly ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/36 "2003-09-04T20:34:53Z")
“You’re the devil in disguise!” Tom exclaimed hornily. ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/37 "2003-09-04T20:42:02Z")
“I loved working with Honor Blackman,” said Sean Connery pushily. ---
**Author:** ![Holodeck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Holodeck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Holodeck)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/38 "2003-09-05T02:25:32Z")
Tom Swiftie, a play on words that follows an unvarying pattern and relies for its humor on a punning relationship between the way an adverb describes a speaker and at the same time refers significantly to the import of the speaker’s statement, as in _“I know who turned off the lights,” Tom hinted darkly._ [named after a narrative mannerism characteristic of the _Tom Swift_ American series of adventure novels for boys] In actual use, “Tom Swifty” seems to have a somewhat broader meaning, and includes the form christened “croakers” by Roy Bongartz, wherein a verb rather than an adverb supplies the pun (e.g. “I’m dying”, he croaked). ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/39 "2003-09-05T02:59:54Z")
“White zinfandel is for amateurs,” Tom whined. “I’m missing my copy of my favorite board game,” Tom said cluelessly. “Cecil Adams is my hero!” Tom said dopily. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390/40 "2003-09-05T03:01:05Z")
“A fine example of modern painting,” Tom said abstractly. “It depicts the insect that causes lime disease,” he added articulately. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/199390.md?page=3)