# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 101
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2001 "2014-04-22T13:22:22Z")
“But I didn’t eat the salmon mousse!” said Bill, at the pearly Gates. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2002 "2014-04-22T16:43:41Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > “But I didn’t eat the salmon mousse!” said Bill, at the pearly Gates. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2003 "2014-04-22T16:44:47Z")
“This beer is to damn light,” said Tom, stoutly. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2004 "2014-04-22T16:46:53Z")
“This floor is too damn slippery,” said Tom, ruggedly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2005 "2014-04-22T16:58:18Z")
“I insist that you address me with the formality befitting a Broadway legend” said Stritch miscellaneously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2006 "2014-04-22T17:05:07Z")
“I repeat…no wife of mine is going to undergo a Caesarian” Tom belabored. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2007 "2014-04-22T17:11:17Z")
“This next passage is played _pizzicato_” said Tom pluckily. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2008 "2014-04-22T17:26:02Z")
> [@Leo\_Bloom](#): > > 😕 “Guess Leo’s not a Monty Python fan,” said Tom, meaningfully and lively. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2009 "2014-04-22T17:39:46Z")
“I can tell just by holding it that this ballpoint pen is a cheap knock-off” said Tom, feeling phobic. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2010 "2014-04-22T17:43:41Z")
“The actors and actresses in that movie all sucked” said Tom, downcast. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2011 "2014-04-22T17:47:34Z")
“How can I ever hope to succeed on this show after the high standards set by my predecessor?” said Johnny, not feeling up to par. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2012 "2014-04-22T21:01:27Z")
“I can probably substitute sage in this recipe” said Tom, making up for lost time. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2013 "2014-04-22T21:03:18Z")
“Sorry, honey…I guess my aim has been a little careless lately” said Tom, pissed off. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2014 "2014-04-22T21:04:41Z")
“Here” said Tom presently. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2015 "2014-04-22T21:07:44Z")
“Where is that damn Mayflower truck?” said Tom, unmoved. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2016 "2014-04-22T21:29:20Z")
“Function, practice, content, odorous” said Tom formally. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2017 "2014-04-23T04:58:00Z")
“So, Robin Hood, my arch enemy - we meet again!” Tom bowed. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2018 "2014-04-23T05:04:16Z")
“Oral sex is da bomb!” said the Roman, gladiator. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2019 "2014-04-23T05:09:44Z")
“That’s a beautiful laser pointer you have there,” Tom beamed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2020 "2014-04-23T14:18:27Z")
“Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!” said Judge Roy Bean, hanging on his every word. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=100) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=102)