# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 102
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2021 "2014-04-23T16:04:38Z")
“Let’s take a measured and thoughtful course as we figure out what we’ll do in the future” said Tom plangently. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2022 "2014-04-23T16:09:03Z")
“Ladies, I promise you this is the best product for removing unwanted stubble from your legs” said Tom, who had always been known as a ne’er-do-well. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2023 "2014-04-23T16:23:03Z")
“Judy, Judy, Judy”, Cary granted. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2025 "2014-04-23T16:35:36Z")
“I always feel smarter after a few brewskis” said Bud, wiser. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2026 "2014-04-23T16:44:32Z")
“I don’t care if you think I’m a psycho, I’m going to tear this prostitute apart, limb by limb!” said Tom, horrendously. (Sorry. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2027 "2014-04-23T18:08:16Z")
“I’ve had enough of this singing show!” said Tom gleefully. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2028 "2014-04-23T18:56:36Z")
“My sex change operation was a success!” said Glenda/Glen, buoyed by recent events. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2029 "2014-04-23T19:00:14Z")
“I’ll get you, Harry Potter” said Malfoy, with draconian intentions. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2030 "2014-04-23T19:03:38Z")
“If we can get McMahon to fall for this phony scheme, we can take over the WWE” said Tom convincingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2031 "2014-04-23T20:15:14Z")
“I’m giving you a lot of grief, sure, but I actually admire you greatly” Tom guffawed. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2032 "2014-04-23T20:45:03Z")
“I see on ‘Scandal’ they gave the First Lady that virus that’s been going around”, Tom said mellifluously. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2033 "2014-04-23T22:04:48Z")
“Looks like Grandpa Theodore gave up the ghost,” said Tom, spiritedly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2034 "2014-04-24T05:07:35Z")
“Before too long I’d had enough of my hippie pad in San Francisco” said Tom hatefully. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2035 "2014-04-24T05:10:46Z")
“I can’t find that word in any dictionary” Tom said meaninglessly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2036 "2014-04-24T13:33:55Z")
“I’ll have spud sex if I want to,” said Tom, like a dictator. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2037 "2014-04-24T16:16:09Z")
“I love this miniature reproduction you gave me of the bike I had when I was a kid” said Tom, getting a little huffy. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2038 "2014-04-24T16:29:06Z")
“The replay clearly shows that the third baseman missed the tag” the umpire vouchsafed. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2039 "2014-04-24T16:52:06Z")
“This isn’t my cat’s hair and dead skin particles I’m cleaning off this chair, is it? No, it looks like my own!” said Tom, getting his dander up. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2040 "2014-04-24T17:11:56Z")
“I insist on wool-polyester blends in all my clothing” said Tom at the men’s department, not cottoning much to what was on display. (You’ve been a great inspiration to all of us, **DChord568** 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2041 "2014-04-24T17:52:18Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > (You’ve been a great inspiration to all of us, **DChord568** 🙂 ) Thanks! 🙂 Swifties have been a long-time sick obsession of mine. The first couple dozen or so I posted here were ones I’d made up down through the many years and collected in a file. But I’ve been inspired to create many new ones by all the other clever folks here. It’s been great fun! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=101) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=103)