# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 103
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2042 "2014-04-24T19:03:15Z")
“Bruce was by far my most brilliant student” said the Master tautly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2043 "2014-04-24T19:08:33Z")
“With minor exceptions, the farmers around here are a lazy bunch” said Tom futilely. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2044 "2014-04-24T19:18:04Z")
“But I’m the best farmer in my county”, said Tom, who was outstanding in his field. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2045 "2014-04-24T19:22:18Z")
“I can’t do the show without my sister” said Ann half-heartedly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2046 "2014-04-24T20:02:43Z")
“Here’s a picture of the guy who is the voice of the boss on _Charlie’s Angels_” said Tom, showing great foresight. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2047 "2014-04-25T13:09:40Z")
“I’m the lead singer for Canned Heat” said Bob, pulling himself up to his full height. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2048 "2014-04-25T13:16:51Z")
“Fuck all youse guys”, said Tony, effusively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2049 "2014-04-25T13:18:21Z")
“Those women who want equal pay? I don’t know whether to try to shush them or chuckle out loud at them” said Phyllis, Schlafly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2050 "2014-04-25T13:19:19Z")
“How am I gonna play the show tonight now that I’ve cut off part of my finger?” said David, on the bleeding edge. “Maybe I can help” said Tony Iommi, giving him some tips. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2051 "2014-04-25T13:23:17Z")
“This grant application seems to be very thoughtfully written” said Tom pellucidly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2052 "2014-04-25T13:26:27Z")
“The housekeeper they sent to clean up my hotel room was totally incompetent” said Tom, dismayed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2053 "2014-04-25T14:55:05Z")
“I intend to recite every entry in this dictionary, from A to Z” said Tom, in so many words. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2054 "2014-04-25T14:57:32Z")
“My entire domestic staff has quit en masse” said Tom helplessly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2055 "2014-04-25T14:58:30Z")
“This letter I’m writing is the most insulting thing I’ve done recently” said Tom, dismissively. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2056 "2014-04-25T15:01:23Z")
“I think I understand now how this magnificent iron structure was designed” said Tom, getting an eyeful. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2057 "2014-04-25T15:20:54Z")
“Hey you guys out there on the river…watch what you’re doing or you’ll capsize” Tom shouted to the rafters. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2058 "2014-04-25T15:22:30Z")
“Why couldn’t I have performed a miracle on the Hudson?” asked Tom, sullenly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2059 "2014-04-25T15:24:54Z")
“My wife approacheth” said Adam naively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2060 "2014-04-25T16:47:04Z")
“I’ve turned my speakers’ Mute off”, Tom said, resoundingly. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2061 "2014-04-25T16:52:52Z")
“I can’t believe we were up nine runs and still lost!” said Tom chokingly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=102) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=104)