# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 104
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2062 "2014-04-25T17:40:14Z")
“Ah, I finally understand what the smallest part of a tree is,” Tom twigged. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2063 "2014-04-25T17:46:48Z")
“Augghh! It hurts to pee!” Tom pissed and moaned. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2064 "2014-04-25T17:48:07Z")
“The prince had his way with me” said the chambermaid, royally screwed. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2065 "2014-04-25T17:48:16Z")
“I wonder how much cheese that Malaysian plane was carrying,” said Tom, while searching for debris. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2066 "2014-04-25T17:51:36Z")
“You’ve got a hole in your head” said Tom…but that was beside the point. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2067 "2014-04-25T17:54:58Z")
“I see!” said Tom, as he picked up his hammer and saw. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2068 "2014-04-25T17:56:14Z")
“Don’t tell me you want to watch that Japanese porno film again!” Tom rebuked. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2069 "2014-04-25T17:59:38Z")
“Yesh, I shertainly do wanna see dat”, replied Tom, pixilated. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2070 "2014-04-25T18:02:26Z")
“William Bendix was my favorite TV actor” Tom said wryly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2071 "2014-04-25T18:07:24Z")
“I doubt that Ms. Tyler understands the true nature of her unconscious” Tom said lividly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2072 "2014-04-25T18:13:38Z")
“I have to pick just the right moment in the game to insert a pinch-hitter” said Tony LaRussa, playing his cards carefully. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2073 "2014-04-25T18:21:19Z")
“I am compelled to confess to a variety of sexual escapades” said the priest, a loose cannon. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2074 "2014-04-25T18:30:56Z")
“Despite the pressures and time constraints of our careers, my husband and I tried to maintain a well-rounded sex life” said Claudette Robinson, blowing smoke. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2075 "2014-04-25T19:17:27Z")
“It helped that there was one position that always worked for both of us”, she added, coming out on top. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2014, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2076 "2014-04-26T15:06:31Z")
“I guess I’ll run around the track one more time” said Tom, relapsing. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2077 "2014-04-26T16:09:56Z")
“After all that time I spent in prison, nothing scares me now” said Tom, with the courage of his convictions. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2078 "2014-04-26T16:26:34Z")
“North Korea’s becoming too provocative with their nuclear tests!” Tom exploded. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2079 "2014-04-26T16:53:16Z")
“I have a strong recollection that the doctors were able to reattach my penis”, John Bobbitt remembered. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2014, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2080 "2014-04-26T21:04:36Z")
“I only have twenty cents to my name”, said Tom, paradigmatically. “But I’m holding on to all twenty!” he added, keeping score. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2081 "2014-04-27T18:36:52Z")
“How I long for someone to play cards with me” Tom said wistfully. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=103) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=105)