# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 106
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2102 "2014-04-29T02:17:33Z")
“That anvil would’ve crushed my skull if I hadn’t jumped out of the way in time,” said Tom, reflexively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2103 "2014-04-29T02:20:33Z")
“I’m really not happy with what I see in the mirror”, Tom reflected. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2104 "2014-04-29T03:31:26Z")
“I could ogle that girl’s legs all day long” Tom said cavalierly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2105 "2014-04-29T03:33:25Z")
“Let me coil up that rope for you” Tom said with a hankering. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2106 "2014-04-29T04:01:00Z")
“I’m here to tell you, my girlfriend gives great blow jobs” said Tom, satiated. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2107 "2014-04-29T13:16:41Z")
“Our outhouse has collapsed” said Nigel, bogged down. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2108 "2014-04-29T13:18:54Z")
“I’ll douse these incriminating documents in acid” said Tom, poring over his work. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2109 "2014-04-29T13:25:45Z")
“The servants can eat their salads in the basement” said Tom, giving them a dressing-down. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2110 "2014-04-29T17:53:01Z")
“Oh to be young again!” the retired pitcher sighed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2111 "2014-04-29T18:31:29Z")
“I’ll disappear till the heat dies down by staging a fake kidnapping” said Tom, steeling himself. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2112 "2014-04-29T19:11:09Z")
“Come fly with me, Aladdin!” said Tom, calling him on the carpet. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2113 "2014-04-29T19:26:24Z")
“Here is an example of dinnerware found in the typical Israeli home” said Tom judiciously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2114 "2014-04-29T19:28:29Z")
“As per our trade agreement, I’m delivering two kegs of rum” said Tom, giving it to him with both barrels. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2115 "2014-04-29T20:01:27Z")
“I’ve attached the last of the sparkly things to this gown” said Tom, out of sequence. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2116 "2014-04-30T00:04:42Z")
Strictly speaking a classic Tom Swifty ends with “said Tom \_\_\_\_\_ly”, not with a phrase - I think I’ve been guilty of that too. And can we limit ourselves to one per poster in a row? The OP specified one per post, and I think that would fall in with the spirit of things better. “It’s your turn to buy the drinks!” said Tom roundly. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2117 "2014-04-30T00:10:17Z")
“Think my offense is pretty good,” said Tom, defensively. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2118 "2014-04-30T04:44:56Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > Strictly speaking a classic Tom Swifty ends with “said Tom \_\_\_\_\_ly”, not with a phrase - Cite? I’d sure be interested to see a quote from the official Tom Swifty Rule Book. (You might want to check the Wikipedia article, and note the example from the national publication singularly responsible for spreading the popularity of the Swifty phenomenon.) While you’re finding this for us, I hope you’ll also explain why having fewer amusing posts in this thread will be a good thing. > [@](#): > > And can we limit ourselves to one per poster in a row? The OP specified one per post, and I think that would fall in with the spirit of things. Your opinion is noted. Others’? Given the nature of your remarks and their tenor, I’m sure we’re all looking forward to a steady stream of “classic” fun-filled contributions to this thread from you. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2119 "2014-05-01T02:26:33Z")
“I don’t think it matters either way,” said Tom, while sitting on the fence. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2120 "2014-05-01T02:28:05Z")
“I can drink anyone in this bar under the table,” Tom said fluidly. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2121 "2014-05-01T22:46:02Z")
“Give me that round file,” Tom rasped. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=105) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=107)