# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 108
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2142 "2014-05-05T19:50:07Z")
“I’m compiling all the posts in the ‘Stupidest Commercials’ thread and ranking the entries numerically” Tom adumbrated. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2143 "2014-05-05T21:59:52Z")
“I know all about wine and I’m a complete prick about telling people, too”, said Tom, vindictively. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2144 "2014-05-05T23:10:12Z")
“No matter how much I eat, I’m still hungry!” said Tom, insatiably. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2145 "2014-05-06T01:34:57Z")
“For your many years of loyal service as my handmaiden, I’m presenting you with this decorative pin” said the queen, broaching the subject. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2146 "2014-05-06T05:40:36Z")
“Someone rear-ended me” said the firefly, delighted. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2147 "2014-05-06T05:50:41Z")
“OK, time for the money shot” said John Holmes, beating around the bush. ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2148 "2014-05-06T07:04:26Z")
“These are the finest Belgian emmets”, said Tom, importantly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2149 "2014-05-06T13:06:44Z")
“Let’s talk about funny stuff we’ve seen online” said Tom, hoping for some lulls in the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2150 "2014-05-06T13:11:38Z")
“This font you used is so small I can’t read it” said Tom pointedly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2151 "2014-05-06T13:16:24Z")
“I got it! I got it!” said Andrew McCutchen with a catch in his voice. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2152 "2014-05-06T13:39:08Z")
“But it’s improved my sense of hearing no end!” Tom said eerily. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2153 "2014-05-06T13:54:02Z")
“I’m not to ill to watch To Kill A Mockingbird,” said Gregory, feeling peckish. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2154 "2014-05-06T15:12:08Z")
“I can haz cheezburger?” asked the tomcat, lolling about. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2155 "2014-05-06T17:30:59Z")
“I plan to reduce my waistline by eliminating potatoes and vegetables and eating only entrées” said Tom, playing both sides against the middle. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2156 "2014-05-06T18:02:38Z")
“Ha, ha, these shoe mirrors are great!” said Tom, showing up the girls. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2157 "2014-05-06T18:19:17Z")
“Ken and Clete had an older brother who also played in the Major Leagues, though he was somewhat less successful” said Tom cloyingly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2158 "2014-05-06T19:09:43Z")
“I can drink anyone here under the table…just watch me!” Tom shot back. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2159 "2014-05-06T19:29:45Z")
“I’ve drawn a star on the floor to trap the Devil - _twice_!” Tom repented. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2160 "2014-05-06T19:49:04Z")
“Homosexuality is a sickness, but this proven program will return our afflicted parishioners to normalcy” said the right-wing preacher, fixing his gaze. “Here are the statistics that attest to our success rate” said his assistant, queering the numbers. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2161 "2014-05-06T20:01:40Z")
“One of the Seven Dwarves seems pretty sexy,” said Snow White, bashfully. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=107) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=109)