# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 109
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2162 "2014-05-07T03:45:02Z")
“There was a little mishap at the hairdresser’s” said the old lady, talking a blue streak. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2163 "2014-05-07T04:16:00Z")
“King Arthur has demanded that I wear this chastity belt while he is away” said Lady Guinevere impenetrably. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2164 "2014-05-07T04:19:34Z")
“I’m done sailing that barge from one dock to the other dock,” Tom reported. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2165 "2014-05-07T04:28:08Z")
“What is the total number of prisoners in this facility?” asked the warden, looking for a consensus. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2166 "2014-05-07T14:13:38Z")
“I don’t care how hungry you tell me you are, I’m keeping \*all \*the fruit from my Middle Eastern tree”, said Newton, not giving a fig. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2167 "2014-05-07T14:56:40Z")
“It’s only a couple more years before I can be President. I can wait,” said Joe, Biden his time. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2168 "2014-05-07T16:12:24Z")
“OK, Ray and Dave, drop down and give me 20” said Tom, working the kinks out. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2169 "2014-05-07T17:27:20Z")
“I will now insert this device to open up your blocked artery” said the surgeon in a stentorian voice. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2170 "2014-05-07T17:29:50Z")
“I would be honored if you would teach me to play the sitar” said George ravishingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2171 "2014-05-07T18:00:42Z")
“There’s a big Mexican state on the US border, next to Chihuahua”, said Tomas, sonorously. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2172 "2014-05-07T18:04:55Z")
“And there’s another Mexican state next to that one,” said the Baja Men. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2173 "2014-05-07T18:59:01Z")
“My diabetes doctor says to give up sugar, so I’m going back to that artificial sweetener” said Tom, resplendently. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2174 "2014-05-07T19:31:18Z")
“Just between you and me, you’ve got B.O.” said Tom secretively. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2175 "2014-05-07T19:35:42Z")
“Every automobile I’ve ever bought seems to have some sort of strange vibration emanating from the trunk” said Nigel, shaking in his boots. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2176 "2014-05-07T20:05:10Z")
“Huh-huh, that chocolate candy bar floating in the swimming pool looked like a chunk of poop,” Tom snickered. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2177 "2014-05-07T21:07:43Z")
“This World War II pilot was a hero, but his horrific experiences left him forever scarred” said Tom with a grimace. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2178 "2014-05-07T21:21:08Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > “Does anyone recall which name the Romans gave to Zeus,” asked Tom, jovially. IS THERE AN ECHO IN HERE? Posted By Elendil’s Heir: _“The king of the Roman gods is OK by me,” Tom said jovially._ Posted By Trans Fat Og: - 🙂 “I can tell you all about the ‘king’ of planets,” boasted Tom, jovially. \* Posted By Prof. Pepperwinkle \*“Oh, come on, Juno, your husband won’t be home for hours,” said Tom jovially. \* Posted By fanganga: _“It would be jolly fun to go to Jupiter,” said Major Tom jovially._ * * * “One theme on this thread gets undue attention. You’d think they could go on to another planet and Roman deity,” said True Blue Jack, saturninely. _**- Trans Fat Og, formerly known as True Blue Jack**_ ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2179 "2014-05-07T21:42:01Z")
“I’m sick and tired of circling Uranus searching for Klingons,” said Capt. Kirk, wiping his brow. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2014, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2180 "2014-05-08T04:29:24Z")
“I suggest that you put a little more energy into your efforts” said Tom triumphantly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2181 "2014-05-08T04:33:33Z")
“Continuing our tour, here is one of several lovely dining halls we have here on the base” said Tom, in another nice mess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=108) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=110)