# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 111
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2202 "2014-05-09T14:55:53Z")
“This study is designed to learn how the arrangement of a bird’s feathers on its wing influences its ability to fly” said Tom, knowing that it was a matter of opinion. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2203 "2014-05-09T14:59:42Z")
“Henceforth, the U.S. Mint will no longer manufacture any pennies” said Tom, making no sense. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2204 "2014-05-09T15:27:51Z")
“Why, I can drive a car this way! That medieval torture rack the hospital wants to make me use for my back injury is just useless”, said Tom, driven to distraction. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2205 "2014-05-09T17:37:57Z")
“I think The Stones’ most iconic song is highly overrated” said Tom, expressing his dissatisfaction. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2206 "2014-05-09T17:43:48Z")
“She’s got me installing new ceiling tile in all the rooms of our house” said Tom, sticking up for his wife. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2207 "2014-05-09T17:47:43Z")
“The Word of the Day, darlin’, is ‘legs’” said Tom, spreading the word. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2208 "2014-05-09T20:49:53Z")
“It was a sad day when Roger Ebert passed away” Tom said diacritically. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2209 "2014-05-10T00:29:25Z")
“Call store security. This man was trying to peer into my dressing room” said Mary in a fit of pique. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2210 "2014-05-10T18:31:10Z")
“When it comes to sex, my lack of endowment really worries me” said Tom, sweating the small stuff. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2211 "2014-05-10T19:15:07Z")
“These steps would look a lot more attractive if they were carpeted” said Tom with a blank stare. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2212 "2014-05-10T23:54:47Z")
“Can’t we find another way to do this?” Jesus asked, crossly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2213 "2014-05-11T00:30:38Z")
“Nope, this is the way Herod wants it done”, said the Roman soldier, nailing it. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2214 "2014-05-11T07:05:00Z")
“I’m very much against outmoded on-site wastewater treatment systems” said Tom antiseptically. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2215 "2014-05-11T09:25:26Z")
“You’ll have to be very careful exploring that shipwreck,” Tom said divergently. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2216 "2014-05-11T17:54:01Z")
“I’m here to pick up breakfast for my daughter” said Mrs. Muffett with an oh-by-the-way expression. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2217 "2014-05-11T18:10:01Z")
“This local tree produces an oil used in furniture polish,” said Tom in his native tongue. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2218 "2014-05-11T19:00:47Z")
“This will go well with some fava beans and a nice chianti,” said Tom, focused on his delivery. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2219 "2014-05-11T19:15:12Z")
“Pass the Grey Poupon” Tom mustered. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2220 "2014-05-11T23:14:21Z")
“Could I see your medical license?” the Ugly Duckling quacked. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2221 "2014-05-12T04:11:15Z")
“Hey, Neil, I’ve just found the guy who’s the perfect lead singer for us!” said Alex Lifeson giddily. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=110) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=112)