# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 114
**Author:** ![Waymore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Waymore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waymore)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2262 "2014-05-14T05:43:40Z")
“The damned manicurist exposed my nail bed,” Tom said quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2263 "2014-05-14T05:56:18Z")
“Ice skating season is over,” Tom said, figuratively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2264 "2014-05-14T12:35:41Z")
“I’m a real boy now, no restrictions or conditions!” said Pinocchio, with no strings attached. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2265 "2014-05-14T13:18:01Z")
“Lassie’s favorite treat is a slice of cantaloupe” said Timmy with a sense of melancholy. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2266 "2014-05-14T13:25:21Z")
“I used to pick up hitchhiking hippie chicks in my Econoline…we’d have a might fine time in the back” said Tom, galvanized. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2267 "2014-05-14T13:29:26Z")
“That’s it, Densmore…you’re out of the band!” said Jim Morrison, speaking with candor. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2268 "2014-05-14T13:58:14Z")
“You’re fired!” said Ned Flanders, candidly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2269 "2014-05-14T14:50:55Z")
“Tom, I’m glad we found this secluded place so I could perform oral sex on you” said Mary, blowing him off. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2270 "2014-05-14T15:53:42Z")
“Boy, I suck at bowling” said Tom gutturally. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2271 "2014-05-14T16:01:54Z")
“So, you don’t think I can come up with a sequel, eh?” A.A. Milne pooh-poohed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2272 "2014-05-14T17:43:54Z")
“I’m gonna start up an entire ball club made up of midgets” said Bill Veeck, micromanaging. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2273 "2014-05-14T18:05:06Z")
“OK, time for me to quit screwing around and hit my tee shot” said Tom, dispensing with the foreplay. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2274 "2014-05-14T18:32:02Z")
“I can’t think of a title for my band’s debut album,” said Tom Scholz, eponymously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2275 "2014-05-14T18:51:58Z")
“When we make love, my wife likes to give me a prostate massage” said Tim McGraw, with faith in himself. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2276 "2014-05-14T20:41:14Z")
“No, I do NOT look like Howdy Doody. Anymore,” said Ron Howard, gingerly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2277 "2014-05-14T20:45:58Z")
“Watch me give my wife a poke in the ass” said Desi, all loosey-goosey. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2278 "2014-05-15T04:24:35Z")
“Now I can finally get back to repairing these shoes” said Tom at last. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2279 "2014-05-15T04:31:49Z")
“Radio Shack stereo gear isn’t exactly audiophile quality” Tom said realistically. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2280 "2014-05-15T14:49:50Z")
“I’m happy to represent the interests of the company that manufactures Viagra” said the lawyer, who was working pro bono. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2281 "2014-05-15T14:52:33Z")
“I plan to spend the 4th of July all by myself,” said Tom, independently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=113) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=115)