# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 119
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2362 "2014-05-22T20:38:12Z")
“Pirates are entitled to Net Neutrality”, Tom arbitrated. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2363 "2014-05-22T21:14:31Z")
“I’ll give you my classic roast beef for your beef 'n cheddar,” Tom arbitrated. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2364 "2014-05-22T21:18:05Z")
“Here’s how much we should pay the workers in Germany”, Tom arbitrated. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2014, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2365 "2014-05-25T15:57:22Z")
“Alvin and Theodore only shot bogey on that hole, but I was a stroke better!” said the third chipmunk, parsimoniously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2366 "2014-05-26T18:00:43Z")
“It took a long time before I forgot the trauma of that fat chick flashing her bare ass at me” said Tom, over the moon. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2367 "2014-05-26T20:13:13Z")
“The Minoan civilization was crap!” Tom said discretely. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2368 "2014-05-26T20:25:59Z")
“I’ve outfitted my son’s entire Little League team with new mitts” said Tom, treating them with kid gloves. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2369 "2014-05-26T21:10:24Z")
“My cloning machine is a complete success,” said Tom, beside himself. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2370 "2014-05-27T02:55:55Z")
“My girlfriend left me because she could stomp me so easily in tennis,” Tom said lovelessly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2371 "2014-05-27T03:25:29Z")
“It’s about time we cleaned out this disgusting vegetable drawer” said Tom, overwrought. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2372 "2014-05-27T03:35:38Z")
“I can’t stop watching this porn flick featuring the short fat guy with the long shlong” Tom said ironically. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2373 "2014-05-27T13:41:55Z")
“I’m going to listen to “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” when sitting in the butterfly garden,” said Tom, ironically. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2374 "2014-05-27T17:21:52Z")
“The school board fired the head of my high school after I confessed to having an affair with her” said the student, admitting his guilt in principle. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2375 "2014-05-27T17:49:02Z")
“I was so distracted yesterday that I walked right through a closed screen door” said Tom, his face showing the strain. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2376 "2014-05-27T18:03:58Z")
“These graphics clearly demonstrate that Progressive Insurance is engaging in overkill with its ubiquitous spokesperson” said Tom , unveiling a flow chart. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2377 "2014-05-27T18:50:03Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > “I’m going to listen to “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” when sitting in the butterfly garden,” said Tom, ironically. “I’m going to listen to ‘Run to the Hills’ while sitting the parlor surrounded by several young maidens,” said Tom, ironically. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2378 "2014-05-27T19:08:51Z")
“I just can’t get into reading _Moby Dick_”, said Tom superficially. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2379 "2014-05-27T19:16:10Z")
“I realize that my previous statement relies on a common misunderstanding of what kind of animal a whale actually is” said Tom, showing no class. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2380 "2014-05-27T19:21:27Z")
“I would prefer not to wear army clothing that is mass-produced” said Tom indefatigably. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2381 "2014-05-27T20:34:38Z")
“My heart stopped beating twice, but the paramedics used those paddle thingees to get it going again” said Tom, repulsed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=118) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=120)