# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 120
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2382 "2014-05-27T21:13:17Z")
“I would like to take a moment to thank you for writing the most useful program available for the iPad.” Tom applauded. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2383 "2014-05-28T03:44:06Z")
“I have here a detailed, itemized account of the many wrongdoings of the Penn State head coach” Tom said paternalistically. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2384 "2014-05-28T03:47:08Z")
“That’s it, mate…remove yourself and your belongings from this apartment straight away” said Nigel, flat out. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2385 "2014-05-28T03:52:11Z")
“I have some suggestions for actors who could portray the Iranian characters in this picture” said the director, casting aspersions. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2386 "2014-05-28T12:06:53Z")
“Ha, ha, ha! It appears the dynamite has failed to go off and the space station will be in range of our laser in T -2 minutes. Perhaps, Mr. Swift, you would care to reconsider my generous offer to join, what did you call it, our band of diabolical miscreants?” “No, thank you.” Tom refused. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2387 "2014-05-28T13:10:51Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > “I’m going to listen to “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” when sitting in the butterfly garden,” said Tom, ironically. > [@buddha\_david](#): > > “I’m going to listen to ‘Run to the Hills’ while sitting the parlor surrounded by several young maidens,” said Tom, ironically. “I’m going to read ‘Dianatics’ to Old Mother Hubbard” said Tom L., ironically. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2388 "2014-05-28T20:38:08Z")
“There’s a planet where the sun sometimes rises in the west”, Tom mentioned mercurially. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2389 "2014-05-28T20:39:11Z")
“Gay men can sometimes become rock band lead singers”, Tom mentioned mercurially. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2390 "2014-05-28T20:57:22Z")
“Zeus needs this message sent to Hades,” said Tom, mercurially. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2391 "2014-05-29T01:21:52Z")
“That wig looks really stupid on you. Hand it over” said Tom, taking the fall. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2392 "2014-05-29T01:28:01Z")
“We need to come up with some commercials to increase Ethel’s popularity” said Desi, planning in advance. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2014, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2393 "2014-05-29T01:33:05Z")
“There were only five batters in the perfect game who did something other than fly out” said Tom, noting a Catch-22. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2014, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2394 "2014-05-29T04:13:12Z")
“Hamlet is one of the most overrated characters in all of literature” said Tom with disdain. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2014, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2395 "2014-05-29T04:17:35Z")
“Officer, I found this aging prostitute throwing up in a back alley” said Tom, giving him the old heave-ho. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2396 "2014-05-29T04:33:12Z")
“My mistress and I were still making love at 3 o’clock in the morning” said Tom scintillatingly. ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2014, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2397 "2014-05-29T08:21:29Z")
“I’d like to take that back”, Tom said unduly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2398 "2014-05-30T03:04:44Z")
“I regret to inform you that our oil and water business has gone bankrupt” said Tom, declaring insolvency. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2399 "2014-05-30T03:08:11Z")
“Allow me to explain this state’s inheritance laws” said Tom, a known reprobate. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2400 "2014-05-30T13:20:16Z")
“I never wear pants here in Hell. I want to let people see my butt and my tail”, said Lucifer, being a cheeky devil. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2401 "2014-05-30T13:30:55Z")
“Blimey! That ferret is emitting a foul stench” said Eliza obnoxiously. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=119) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=121)