# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 121
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2402 "2014-05-30T14:05:43Z")
“Our next number will be a long instrumental jam” said John Cipollina, playing the fool. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2403 "2014-05-30T14:07:33Z")
“I like to hold my medieval mandolin-like instrument right up against my belly when I’m playing it”, said Tom, absolutely. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2404 "2014-05-30T16:04:31Z")
“I played the adolescent daughter of the Cloris Leachman character on our sitcom” said Lisa Gerritsen, an admitted philistine. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2405 "2014-05-30T16:06:30Z")
“I’ve lost all sensation in my fingers” said Tom, feeling poorly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2406 "2014-05-30T16:10:07Z")
“What d’ya mean, I’m talking out of my ass?” said Tom, his voice cracking. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2014, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2407 "2014-05-30T17:31:01Z")
“Look, this is a public facility…you simply MUST do something about these long lines to use the ladies’ restroom” said Mary, minding her p’s and q’s. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2014, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2408 "2014-05-31T01:29:01Z")
“I love giving my boyfriend rim jobs,” Tom said, tongue in cheek. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2409 "2014-06-01T00:06:00Z")
“This machine gun is too heavy”, Tom said disarmingly. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2410 "2014-06-01T00:07:28Z")
“I know of a different way to administer drugs”, Tom injected. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2411 "2014-06-01T00:09:30Z")
“Machine guns were a huge battlefield innovation”, Tom repeated. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2412 "2014-06-01T00:10:31Z")
“I should never have kicked Simon the fisherman out of my posse”, Jesus repeated. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2413 "2014-06-01T00:12:04Z")
“‘Common Sense’ is a stupid book”, tom remarked painfully. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2414 "2014-06-01T00:13:04Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “What d’ya mean, I’m talking out of my ass?” said Tom, his voice cracking. “I’m going to run for mayor of Washington DC again”, Tom said, his voice cracking. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2415 "2014-06-01T00:19:55Z")
“Some digital communication protocols should never have been considered obsolete”, Tom said remorsefully. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2416 "2014-06-01T00:22:54Z")
“The trumpet is the best instrument”, Tom said, tooting his own horn. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2417 "2014-06-01T00:23:56Z")
“Cigars and cigarettes both suck”, Tom piped in. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2418 "2014-06-01T00:29:37Z")
“I’ve found more evidence that the Halting Problem is unsolvable”, Tom said reprovingly. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2419 "2014-06-01T00:31:15Z")
“My doctor said I have radiation poisoning”, Tom said, all aglow. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2420 "2014-06-01T00:32:59Z")
“I’m taking my sister’s daughters to France next month”, Tom said nicely. It’s a double - neice and Nice, France. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2421 "2014-06-01T00:35:35Z")
“Why didn’t anyone tell me I had already been cloned?”, Tom asked, feeling duped. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=120) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=122)