# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 123
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2442 "2014-06-02T02:48:00Z")
“The waxing hurts like hell, but my girlfriend likes me to get rid of all body hair” said Tom, getting it off his chest. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2443 "2014-06-02T03:03:24Z")
“I’ve got a switchblade and I’m not afraid to use it” said Tom chivalrously. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2444 "2014-06-02T03:10:43Z")
“Looks like we were all reincarnated as a flock of corvids,” said Tom and his friends, ravenously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2445 "2014-06-02T05:32:54Z")
“Boy, the Yankees’ defense really stinks today” said the scoreboard operator, putting on airs. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2446 "2014-06-02T05:43:03Z")
“Right now I’m beating Serena 3-2” said Venus, upset. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2447 "2014-06-02T05:46:12Z")
“I’m doing my best to help these girls suffering from anorexia, but nothing seems to be working” said the doctor, his patience growing thin. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2448 "2014-06-02T17:22:16Z")
“Baby, you can turn me on more quickly than any girl I’ve ever known” said Tom, articulating a hard and fast rule. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2449 "2014-06-02T17:30:31Z")
“When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way”, Tom rumbled. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2451 "2014-06-02T17:47:33Z")
“I’m scared of sharp, pointy angles and I don’t understand why” said Tom, obtusely. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2452 "2014-06-02T20:17:32Z")
“I’ll bet we’ll take the Stanley Cup this year,” said Tom, in a kingly fashion. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2453 "2014-06-03T04:22:30Z")
“I’m sorry we sat down but then stood up again so quickly” said Tom and Mary, apologizing for their momentary lapse. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2454 "2014-06-03T05:05:25Z")
“I guess my number is up…I’m too exhausted to try and escape from this hunter” said the kangaroo, out of bounds. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2455 "2014-06-03T05:09:55Z")
“I like sex best when the girl is on top” said Tom, admitting that he screwed up. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2456 "2014-06-03T06:29:37Z")
“Mister Rose will never been admitted into the Hall of Fame,” said the commissioner, repeatedly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2457 "2014-06-03T13:15:52Z")
“The doctors are using stem cells to help me grow a second penis on my stomach muscles”, said King Juan Carlos, abdicating. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2458 "2014-06-03T13:19:01Z")
“Having two penises can be confusing” said the king, who never knew if he was coming or going. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2459 "2014-06-03T13:24:45Z")
“All I ask for is some signs of life in the men I go out with” said Mary, carbon-dating. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2460 "2014-06-03T14:43:45Z")
“I’m not particular…you can address me by my last or my first name” said the Funky Winkerbean character, more or less. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2461 "2014-06-03T15:25:26Z")
“What d’ya mean I’m a pimply geek?” said Horshack, annoyed. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2462 "2014-06-03T15:28:07Z")
“I have a particular interest in the myths and legends of little people” said Tom imploringly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=122) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=124)