# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 124
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2463 "2014-06-03T17:00:12Z")
“I can’t believe he got a simple little word like that wrong! People can be so ignorant. Everyone knows it’s called Noah’s **Ark**!” whispered Tom, archly. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2464 "2014-06-03T18:24:23Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “That wig looks really stupid on you. Hand it over” said Tom, taking the fall. “I would rather take the summer off and teach the September to December semester”, Tom said, taking the fall. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2465 "2014-06-03T19:21:18Z")
“How dare you accuse me of being sexually promiscuous” said Mary, put out. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2466 "2014-06-03T19:24:43Z")
“Be sure to download my new app at the App Store” said Roger, who had succumbed to idolatry. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2467 "2014-06-03T19:24:58Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “How dare you accuse me of being sexually promiscuous” said Mary, put out. “How dare you accuse me of being sexually promiscuous” said Mary, tartly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2468 "2014-06-03T19:40:31Z")
“Pussy for sale!” Mary s-trumpeted. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2469 "2014-06-03T20:16:13Z")
“I trimmed the legs off my Dockers and converted them to shorts” Tom said expansively. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2470 "2014-06-03T20:22:42Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > > [@DChord568](#): > > > > “How dare you accuse me of being sexually promiscuous” said Mary, put out. > > “How dare you accuse me of being sexually promiscuous” said Mary, tartly. “How dare you accuse me of being sexually promiscuous!” said Mary, horrified. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2471 "2014-06-03T21:19:44Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > “How dare you accuse me of being sexually promiscuous!” said Mary, horrified. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2472 "2014-06-03T22:43:41Z")
“Why, yes, I’ll buy this horse”, said Tom, ponying up. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2473 "2014-06-04T00:03:19Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > “Why, yes, I’ll buy this horse”, said Tom, ponying up. “This little horse is bigger than that little horse,” Tom said, ponying up. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2474 "2014-06-04T04:14:29Z")
“Ahem” said the pony, still a little horse. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2475 "2014-06-04T04:16:19Z")
“I’ve just set up a virtual stable” said Tom eponymously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2476 "2014-06-04T04:19:21Z")
“…and most of its occupants have multi-colored coats” said Tom erroneously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2477 "2014-06-04T13:13:53Z")
“I’ve never once in my career flown into O’Hare Airport” said the pilot in an ordinary voice. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2478 "2014-06-04T13:32:10Z")
“But I love going into Los Angeles”, said the pilot, in a lax tone. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2479 "2014-06-04T13:33:10Z")
“And it looks like we’re going there again”, he added, relaxing. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2480 "2014-06-04T13:42:49Z")
“This isolated lumber camp in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do once the sun goes down…_of course_ we do a lot of dope” said Tom and Mike, at loggerheads. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2481 "2014-06-04T13:44:20Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > “But I love going into Los Angeles”, said the pilot, in a lax tone. “I’m coming into Los Angeles” said Arlo Guthrie, keyed up. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2482 "2014-06-04T14:00:22Z")
“I still have to pay off that bet I lost with Gibson” said Tom, mellowing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=123) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=125)