# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 126
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2503 "2014-06-05T17:08:24Z")
“Wow, I never realized how insanely happy gunning my hot rod’s engine would make me” said Tom, experiencing a revelation. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2504 "2014-06-05T17:17:19Z")
“Between this fake AT&T commercial and one of our regulars, we have two of the top comediennes in all of show business on tonight’s episode” said Lorne Michaels, gilding the lily. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2505 "2014-06-06T09:26:14Z")
“Did you forget what the Earth’s core consists of?” Tom said ironically. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2506 "2014-06-06T13:14:48Z")
“I’m deaf, blind and anosmic, and have ageusia and tactile anesthesia” said Tom senselessly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2507 "2014-06-06T13:22:28Z")
“After I take a shit, I always look into the toilet to admire my handiwork” said Tom, minding his own business. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2508 "2014-06-06T13:57:08Z")
“When I go on vacation, I while away the hours multiplying numbers by themselves” said Tom, getting things squared away. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2509 "2014-06-06T15:19:52Z")
“I can’t figure out these crazy French roads”, Tom complained ruefully. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2510 "2014-06-06T15:21:49Z")
“I would like to participate in the peach harvest.” Tom remarked, staying on topic. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2511 "2014-06-06T15:28:39Z")
> [@robert\_columbia](#): > > “I can’t figure out these crazy French roads”, Tom complained ruefully. Good one! “I can’t stop laughing at that fat French guy’s derriere” said Tom, looking at his rear end. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2512 "2014-06-06T17:10:26Z")
“I’m giving up on boxer shorts and going to tighty whities. They’ll stay in place better”, said Tom, jockeying for position. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2513 "2014-06-06T17:54:06Z")
“The elastic on these boxer shorts is so worn out that they’re starting to slip down” said Tom, with disaster looming. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2514 "2014-06-06T17:57:28Z")
“Store security nabbed me when I tried to shoplift a bunch of boxers and tighty-whiteys” said Tom, caught unawares. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2515 "2014-06-06T18:03:41Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “Store security nabbed me when I tried to shoplift a bunch of boxers and tighty-whiteys” said Tom, caught unawares. Jeez, I’m turning into one of those old guys who [repeats himself](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17282888&postcount=1846) without realizing it! ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2516 "2014-06-06T18:35:48Z")
“It appears that no one here has ever heard of the world’s most prominent manufacturer of pinball machines” said Tom amidst all the ballyhoo. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2517 "2014-06-06T18:40:43Z")
“I hope the authorities don’t catch on to my plan to illegally trap minks out of season” said Tom furtively. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2518 "2014-06-06T23:45:46Z")
“I’ll just while away the time doing some shucking while I’m here waiting for the stadium box office to open,” said Tom, minding his peas and queues. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2519 "2014-06-07T15:13:06Z")
“The wind is getting stronger again, everyone!” Tom regaled the crowd. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2520 "2014-06-07T16:01:26Z")
“I’m about the most average guy you’ll ever meet” said Tom, but he was just being mean. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2521 "2014-06-07T21:01:14Z")
“Time for a shave” said Tom, rising up. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2522 "2014-06-07T22:31:29Z")
“My singing is louder than your singing,” Tom told Mary, unequivocally. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=125) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=127)