# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 128
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2543 "2014-06-10T13:40:00Z")
“It doesn’t matter how sexy the girl I’m with is, I still suffer from ED” said Tom, who just couldn’t get along with anybody. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2544 "2014-06-10T17:03:16Z")
“This patient is in deep hypothermia, Nurse. We have to circulate a warm saline IV to bring his internal temperature back up” said Dr. Tom, heartwarmingly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2545 "2014-06-10T17:24:39Z")
“Well, at least I managed to smuggle a small portion of my stash past customs” said Tom, pulling a number out of his ass. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2546 "2014-06-10T17:37:52Z")
“It’s true that I’m the world’s foremost authority on Bill the Cat” Tom acknowledged. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2547 "2014-06-10T17:44:53Z")
“I hate flying, but that’s the fastest way to get to Nantucket - ACK!” Tom flew into a rage. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2548 "2014-06-10T18:56:56Z")
“I like to sort each individual type and length of fastener into its own separate bin” said Tom, filing his nails. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2549 "2014-06-10T19:01:43Z")
“I seem to have trouble controlling my bladder if I travel outside of Europe” Pierre said incontinently. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2550 "2014-06-10T19:21:09Z")
“I only want AMD processors in my computers!” said Tom, unintelligibly. ---
**Author:** ![Toucanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Toucanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toucanna)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2551 "2014-06-11T02:40:36Z")
“I can be in two places at the same time,” Tom said impossibly. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2552 "2014-06-11T07:50:20Z")
“I find your claim that this small mythical being is proficient at stealing highly unlikely” said Tom improbably. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2553 "2014-06-11T14:26:17Z")
“My sex life consists entirely of calling 900 numbers” said Tom, laying it on the line. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2554 "2014-06-11T15:20:10Z")
“The sun’s going to blow up!” Tom announced disastrously. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2555 "2014-06-11T15:21:18Z")
“Self-cannibalism is fun”, Tom announced, eating his heart out. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2556 "2014-06-11T15:22:51Z")
“I’m doing a thesis on the political structure of the Holy Roman Empire”, Tom confessed frankly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2557 "2014-06-11T15:25:23Z")
> [@robert\_columbia](#): > > “Self-cannibalism is fun”, Tom announced, eating his heart out. “I agree that self-cannibalism can be necessary for a Survivor” typed Stephen King. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2558 "2014-06-11T15:32:04Z")
> [@robert\_columbia](#): > > “Self-cannibalism is fun”, Tom announced, eating his heart out. Ha! I had one on this theme awhile back but rejected it for being too gross. Silly me! “I guess self-cannibalism wasn’t such a good idea after all” said Tom, throwing up his hands. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2559 "2014-06-11T15:42:51Z")
“I’m going to the costume ball as the leader of the American Communist Party” said Tom, all gussied up. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2560 "2014-06-11T15:45:21Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “I guess self-cannibalism wasn’t such a good idea after all” said Tom, throwing up his hands. Excellent! “Whenever I eliminate electrically-charged particles from my digestive system, it feels more like I am consuming them!” said Tom passionately. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2561 "2014-06-11T17:01:09Z")
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that actress who played Inga in _Young Frankenstein_ in any films” said Tom mysteriously. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2562 "2014-06-11T18:06:14Z")
“Come on, Mr. Landlord, get Wifi in this building instead of this old TV wiring”, Tom coaxed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=127) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=129)