# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 129
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2563 "2014-06-11T22:50:48Z")
“Keep the tip,” Tom the Leper told the prostitute. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2564 "2014-06-11T23:03:01Z")
“I wish that leprechaun hadn’t mooned me” said Tom impassively. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2565 "2014-06-11T23:04:32Z")
“That’s it! I’m not going to see any more Avengers Universe films!” said Tom, marvelously. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2566 "2014-06-12T00:02:35Z")
“Do you see a signn here that says Dead Demon Storage?” Tom asked, to keep thins from imploding. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2567 "2014-06-12T00:42:44Z")
“People from my country can’t hold their liquor,” said Chang, drunkenly. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2568 "2014-06-12T14:35:31Z")
“This Halloween, I’m going as the angel who gave the golden plates to Joseph Smith”, Tom explained moronically. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2569 "2014-06-12T14:55:45Z")
“Of all the cartons you could have ordered, you had to get the cheapest, flimsiest ones on the market that offer no protection whatsoever” said Tom, outlining a worst-case scenario. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2570 "2014-06-12T15:03:51Z")
“I tried to bribe the sergeant into giving me a weekend pass, but it didn’t work” said Tom, without so much as a by-your-leave. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2571 "2014-06-12T16:04:43Z")
“As a veterinarian, I’m fascinated by the back end of this dog’s spine”, said Dr. Tom, “and thereby hangs a tail”. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2572 "2014-06-12T16:07:45Z")
“Ugh, I feel like one of the bad guys in the video game Dig Dug” said Tom, getting all pumped up. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2573 "2014-06-12T16:12:07Z")
“I’m sneaking out of here before that crazy plastic surgeon covers my dental work with a dermatological graft!” said Tom, escaping by the skin of his teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2574 "2014-06-12T16:13:24Z")
“Need help fast! How does one get untangled from two badly interspaced cloth wires?” Tom internetted. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2575 "2014-06-12T16:22:51Z")
“Aha! It seems that the lair of Mr. Merciless is beneath our water source!”, said Tom, underwhelmingly. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2576 "2014-06-12T16:25:00Z")
“You won’t get your chai latte until you start crooning!”, said Tom, teasingly. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2577 "2014-06-12T16:27:19Z")
“I don’t support the bill banning horse ranching within city limits”, Tom nayed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2578 "2014-06-12T16:54:10Z")
“I told you to get a pack of 500 sheets of paper, and you came back with 50” Tom told his secretary, reaming her out. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2579 "2014-06-12T17:29:53Z")
“Chickens, turkeys, Cornish hens…I’ve got a plan to kill nearly all of them” said Tom, plotting murder most foul. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2580 "2014-06-12T17:35:25Z")
“The guitarists in all the Lollapalooza bands went out on the town last night and got really smashed” said Tom, reporting a fender-bender. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2581 "2014-06-12T17:38:27Z")
“When we remodel the Enterprise’s bridge, I think Uhura’s station should go right here” said Captain Kirk complacently. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2582 "2014-06-13T03:10:25Z")
“I’m getting tired of hanging around this damn shower stall” said the soap, at the end of his rope. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=128) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=130)