# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 130
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2583 "2014-06-13T03:17:21Z")
“C’mon, fellas…just a few more inches and we’ll hit pay dirt” said the fingers, hiking up her skirt. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2584 "2014-06-13T03:51:41Z")
“I never, ever should have decided to eat that Italian salad after I left it near the urinal”, said Tom, full of piss and vinegar. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2585 "2014-06-13T13:06:26Z")
“That Pixar movie with Ed Asner as the voice of the grumpy old guy? Yeah, I have that on DVD” said Tom, owning up. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2586 "2014-06-13T13:15:49Z")
“Great job, Quasimodo!” said the priest, giving him a ringing endorsement. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2587 "2014-06-13T19:58:39Z")
“Hey Mary, let’s split a candy bar” said Tom, as the nestled together. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2588 "2014-06-16T13:20:00Z")
“Good-bye, Bobbie” said Billie Joe, jumping to a conclusion. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2589 "2014-06-16T13:25:14Z")
“I feed at least 100 inmates in the mess hall three times a day” said the cook, making a conservative estimate. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2590 "2014-06-16T13:30:28Z")
“The tag was applied before the runner reached the base” the umpire cried out. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2591 "2014-06-16T14:19:46Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “I feed at least 100 inmates in the mess hall three times a day” said the cook, making a conservative estimate. “I think the Democrats are going to lose the White House next election”, said Tom, making a conservative estimate. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2592 "2014-06-16T14:41:53Z")
“I love eating juicy red fruit”, Tom said happily. Say it with a Cockney accent. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2593 "2014-06-16T15:43:46Z")
“While I’m overseas trying to spread our Mormon faith, I’ll also be spreading all my wives’ legs” said Tom, taking a missionary position. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2594 "2014-06-16T16:05:55Z")
“Now that Ed has gone solo, I guess we’ll have to try to carry on as a trio” said Vic, Gene and Joe aimlessly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2595 "2014-06-16T16:08:49Z")
“None of the professors here can make a single move without my approval” said the college president, in full possession of his faculties. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2596 "2014-06-16T17:35:06Z")
“My knowledge of computer programming languages is very rudimentary” said Tom, getting down to the basics. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2597 "2014-06-16T18:26:16Z")
“I like being in charge of this mud pit”, Tom said, running amuck. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2598 "2014-06-16T19:02:43Z")
“Gee, George, I’m sorry your sex-change operation didn’t quite work out,” said Tom, consoling him after his near-miss. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2599 "2014-06-16T19:09:37Z")
“We need to take down some of these sharp, protruding edges before someone gets hurt, Tin Man” said the metal workers of Oz, filing suit. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2014, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2600 "2014-06-16T19:33:46Z")
“The next thing I knew, some guy was whacking me over the head with a crowbar” said Tom, struck by the irony. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2601 "2014-06-17T14:22:04Z")
“Baby, cross-dressing really turns me on” said Tom, hoping to get into her pants. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2602 "2014-06-17T14:28:38Z")
“I’d sure like to eat out that first soprano” said Tom, knowing it was an acquired taste. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=129) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=131)