# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 131
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2603 "2014-06-17T14:33:58Z")
“We drafted one of the farm workers to be our football squad’s goalie” said the duke, surfing the net. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2604 "2014-06-17T17:57:44Z")
“Thank goodness someone invented twist-off bottle caps” said Tom, who didn’t want to pry. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2605 "2014-06-17T19:11:05Z")
“Look, Mack, you’re a funny guy, but we think the show would work better if you had a partner” the producer said admiringly. _(You really have to be of a certain age to get this one!)_ ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2606 "2014-06-17T22:16:51Z")
“I’m not hiding any submarines in Africa!”, Tom said, deep in denial. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2607 "2014-06-17T22:19:05Z")
“This tower is _not_ damaged!”, Tom yelled, high on crack. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2608 "2014-06-17T22:34:00Z")
“I write home every day from my duty station on this underwater naval vessel, but the letters won’t actually be mailed until we reach port,” said Sailor Tom, submissively. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2609 "2014-06-17T22:37:45Z")
“That freak accident tore off my eyelids”, said Tom, unblinkingly. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2610 "2014-06-18T00:19:00Z")
“This new endless pastry will revolutionize world food markets!” Tom boasted, having his cake and eating it too. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2611 "2014-06-18T00:20:35Z")
“Actually, sailors consider submarines to be equivalent to ships and anthropomorphize them as women”, Tom said submissively. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2612 "2014-06-18T02:40:16Z")
“It’s rough having a sex change from a lady to a guy, but I’ll just have to grit my teeth and get through it,” Tomasina said, manning up. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2613 "2014-06-18T02:54:24Z")
“I have leprosy, so you may as well keep this,” said Tom, giving Mary a hand. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2614 "2014-06-18T03:15:59Z")
“Sob! My keyboard lost the button that is in the lower left corner!”, Tom cried uncontrollably. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2615 "2014-06-18T13:20:50Z")
“I am completely pissed off that [United Airlines lost my golf clubs](http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/06/rory-mcilroy-golf-clubs-united-airline-lost-irish-open)”, said Irish golfer McIlroy, uproariously. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2616 "2014-06-18T14:01:37Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > “Sob! My keyboard lost the button that is in the lower left corner!”, Tom cried uncontrollably. “Maybe I can remap another key on the keyboard to it”, Tom said while trying to order a Tab. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2617 "2014-06-18T14:31:19Z")
“Just move one of the capitalization keys there. You have two of them,” said Tom, shiftily. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2618 "2014-06-18T14:37:02Z")
“At least you can still get a beer on the moon”, Tom said, hitting the space bar. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2619 "2014-06-18T15:09:30Z")
“I finally got it all fixed!” said Tom, keyed up. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2620 "2014-06-18T15:11:55Z")
“I’m tired of pressing all these computer alphabet thingies,” said Tom, key board. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2621 "2014-06-18T15:23:38Z")
“Key naming conventions in the Mac operating system make a lot more sense” said Tom, in full control and command of his options and disdaining the alternative. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2622 "2014-06-18T15:27:40Z")
“I keep a computer record of which fields I’ve plowed and which I haven’t” said Farmer Tom, hitting the tilde key. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=130) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=132)