# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 135
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2683 "2014-06-27T13:53:51Z")
“As a running back, I know you get your teeth jarred a lot on rough tackles…but you’ve got problems on top of that” said the dentist, tabulating his carries. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2684 "2014-06-27T14:09:20Z")
“I have to admit, Dad, that I get my jollies by sneaking up on women and poking them in the ribs” said Tom, the prodigal son. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2685 "2014-06-27T14:17:40Z")
“I quit because I couldn’t stand another day of watching those bratty 4-year-olds at the day-care center” said Mary, who was tired of pretending. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2686 "2014-06-27T14:44:05Z")
“I’m going to just take care of the talking trees instead”, said Tom, tendentiously. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2687 "2014-06-27T14:46:22Z")
“After all these years I’ve learned something about how the mail system works”, Tom said post facto. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2688 "2014-06-27T15:19:30Z")
“I’m putting on my new suit of armor”, quoth Sir Thomas brazenly, steeling himself. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2689 "2014-06-27T15:55:38Z")
“Voila! _This_ will get us rescued,” Tom said with a flair. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2690 "2014-06-27T16:09:36Z")
“I’ve tried to pin my opponent with every kind of take-down and hold I know” said the lady wrestler, but it still didn’t seem to matter. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2691 "2014-06-27T16:13:59Z")
“This year I’m dressing up like Fred Flintstone for the Pride Parade,” Tom said, having a gay old time. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2692 "2014-06-27T17:46:52Z")
“Next trip to Vegas, I’m gonna splurge and get \*three \*prostitutes”, Santa ho-ho-ho’d. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2693 "2014-06-27T19:12:53Z")
“I’ve kept careful records of all my sightings…Ruby, Sandra, Kiki, Dave, Lenny…” said Tom, going over his CD collection. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2694 "2014-06-27T19:21:20Z")
“No woman, no cry” sang Bob Marley in a monotone. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2014, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2695 "2014-06-27T21:00:34Z")
“I used to have several collections of 1980s toy bears on display all over the globe, but I sold them all” said Tom, without a care in the world. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2014, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2696 "2014-06-28T19:20:44Z")
“No matter what else I’ve done in life, I’ll always be remembered for that incident way back in the 2014 World Cup”, said Luis Sanchez, a bit long in the tooth. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2014, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2697 "2014-06-28T21:09:40Z")
“Sunday will be my last day in the country. I’m going to Copenhagen”, Tom said mundanely. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2698 "2014-06-30T02:23:27Z")
“I’m requesting a reprint of the recent _Straight Dope_ column about growths at the base of the spine” said Tom, putting in for a cease and desist order. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2699 "2014-06-30T02:32:26Z")
“My strategy for winning the marathon was stupid and shortsighted” said Tom randomly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2700 "2014-06-30T05:33:27Z")
“Pass around another doobie…I want to breathe in the smoke” said Tom, his nose out of joint. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2701 "2014-06-30T13:17:10Z")
“The best weaponry for assassinating the North Korean premier would involve propelling an arrow right to the heart” said Tom, with arms akimbo. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2702 "2014-06-30T13:20:17Z")
“I took first place during the recent season of _The Voice_” said Tom, wincing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=134) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=136)