# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 136
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2703 "2014-06-30T13:30:11Z")
“I’ve made substantial investments using the money my products have brought in” said Mrs. Vlasic, working her dildo. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2704 "2014-06-30T14:34:57Z")
“I have a lot in common with Oedipus Rex,” said Tom, masturbating like a motherfucker. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2705 "2014-06-30T19:49:02Z")
“Now that I’ve grown my hair long and put on jeans and tie-dye, this radical hippie group I’ve joined will never guess that I’m actually a government infiltrator” said Tom, forging ahead. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2706 "2014-06-30T20:14:56Z")
“That’s the last time I go to a GG Allin show” said Tom as the shit hit the fan. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2014, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2707 "2014-06-30T20:19:46Z")
“The tracks that link our countries aren’t robust enough to support the weight of the trains that run on them” said the ambassador, calling for stronger ties between the two nations. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2014, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2708 "2014-07-01T15:12:04Z")
“I like having anal intercourse with multiple partners” said Tom, slipping through the cracks. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2014, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2709 "2014-07-01T17:38:58Z")
“I have a wonderful idea for a blues composition - _for orchestra_!” George Gershwin rhapsodized. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2014, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2710 "2014-07-01T17:55:08Z")
'You owe me a commission for that stuff of yours I got rid of for you through my eBay account" said Tom, taking a selfie. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2014, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2711 "2014-07-01T18:41:23Z")
“Let’s just say that our relationship is a bit strained” said Tom in a civilized tone. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2712 "2014-07-03T15:52:21Z")
“After the way Phil treated her, not to mention all his subsequent behavior, I’m surprised Ronnie never reverted back to her maiden name” Tom expectorated. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2713 "2014-07-03T17:42:20Z")
“Oh Lord, please hear our humble and quiet plea…we need a miracle to stop the river that’s raging out of control from flooding our town” said Tom, damning with faint praise. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2714 "2014-07-03T19:06:53Z")
“It’s amazing how that Richard Belzer character had no difficulty working himself into so many different TV series” said Tom, discussing a case of the munchies. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2715 "2014-07-03T19:31:31Z")
“Heh, I’m going to take advantage of this thick fog to touch some boobies” thought Tom, feeling under the weather. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2716 "2014-07-05T15:35:23Z")
“Fuck you for being so careless with the buzz saw,” said Tom, giving me the finger. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2717 "2014-07-05T16:46:36Z")
“I’m the best there is at preventing runners from sliding into home safely” said Johnny Bench, the protagonist of the story. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2718 "2014-07-05T17:03:09Z")
“I’m not sure how I feel about my role in kicking off the boy band craze” said Michael ambivalently. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2719 "2014-07-05T19:11:53Z")
“Now that I’ve opened the window, I’ve never felt happier” said Tom, ventilated. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2720 "2014-07-05T21:41:51Z")
“At least you can’t hear the bagpipes from here,” Tom said, happy to get off scot free. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2014, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2721 "2014-07-06T01:57:57Z")
“At last I’ve finally sold my house” said Tom in closing. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2014, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2722 "2014-07-06T19:59:19Z")
“I realize it’s an infinitely repeating decimal series, but I’m just gonna call it .333. OK, that’s it, I’m outta here” said Tom, rounding third and heading for home. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=135) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=137)