# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 137
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2014, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2723 "2014-07-06T20:56:00Z")
“Thank goodness, major league baseball’s finally gone co-ed!” said Tom, reaching second base. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2724 "2014-07-07T04:46:10Z")
“If I had my way, I’d stick you up on a spit and stick you over an open fire” said Tom, rendering his opinion. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2725 "2014-07-07T13:53:22Z")
“Thank you for the offer of powdered tobacco to place in my nose, but I’m not quite well today”, said Tom, not feeling up to snuff. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2726 "2014-07-07T16:16:31Z")
“Would you please explain why I suddenly have water coming up from the ground through the middle of the staircase?” inquired Tom, with a spring in his step. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2727 "2014-07-07T17:41:50Z")
“I find the job of peeling corn goes a lot faster if I do some jitterbugging at the same time” said Tom, shucking and jiving. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2728 "2014-07-07T17:46:08Z")
“Schwarzenegger finally said ‘Excuse me’ after belching, but he took his time about it” said Tom, remembering the governor’s last-minute pardon. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2729 "2014-07-08T03:03:39Z")
“I can come up with these jokes faster than you can,” Tom said swiftly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2730 "2014-07-08T05:06:08Z")
“To figure out this poem you really have to read between the lines” said Tom subversively. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2731 "2014-07-08T09:56:03Z")
“I have a modest proposal for you,” Tom said swiftly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2732 "2014-07-08T17:20:25Z")
“The latest shipment of cheap wine is scheduled to arrive at this pier” said Tom, down in the boondocks. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2733 "2014-07-08T17:35:52Z")
“This set of rooms I’m renting is so small I can’t even use full-length words”, Tom said, inaptly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2734 "2014-07-08T17:36:52Z")
“Gee, I wonder if I’m going to pass this Mensa test?” Tom asked, inquisitively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2735 "2014-07-08T18:09:40Z")
“I’m half blind, so I’m being extra careful”, said Sammy Davis, Jr., keeping an eye out. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2736 "2014-07-08T19:17:50Z")
“I don’t think much of this wigwam,” Tom said portentously. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2737 "2014-07-08T19:35:39Z")
“Pssst! If you wanna buy some dope, meet me down in the ship’s boiler room” said Tom, dealing from the bottom of the deck. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2738 "2014-07-08T19:40:35Z")
“That’s what I get for eating this messy meal with my shirt off” Tom abstained. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2739 "2014-07-08T21:10:18Z")
“Mmm, that clone was tasty,” said Tom, full of himself. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2740 "2014-07-09T08:15:50Z")
“All the world is just a random dungeon, and all the men and women merely ASCII characters,” Tom said roguishly. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2741 "2014-07-09T16:38:50Z")
“Considering all the symptoms, it looks like I have rectal problems”, Tom concluded a posteriori. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2742 "2014-07-09T16:40:02Z")
“It’s time for some chest exercises!” Tom shouted ab initio. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=136) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=138)