# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 139
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2763 "2014-07-17T14:49:17Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > “I just can’t seem to draw as fast as Cecil’s cartoonist”, said Tom, sluggishly. “Hey, Slug is not only the fastest, but the best there is” said Cecil adamantly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2764 "2014-07-17T19:26:00Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > “This is the best vodka I’ve ever drunk” said Tom, absolutly. “But I still prefer bourbon”, said Jack to Daniel, beaming. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2765 "2014-07-17T19:36:25Z")
“You better quit crowding the plate, buddy, or I’m aiming the next one right at your coconut” said Sal Maglie in a high-pitched voice. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2766 "2014-07-17T19:41:45Z")
“Well, officer, if you’ve got a court order, then I guess I have no choice but to let you take my fingerprint” said Tom, giving him a whirl. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2767 "2014-07-17T19:47:39Z")
“I’ll do all the other tricks you want me to, but I’m NOT gonna raise up on my hind legs” said the horse, making a rare exception. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2768 "2014-07-18T03:01:57Z")
“Aughhhhh…my left nut really hurts!” said Tom, giving a testimonial. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2769 "2014-07-18T03:09:09Z")
“Look, up ahead…it’s the window treatment store!” said Tom with blinding insight. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2770 "2014-07-18T15:47:24Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > “This is the best vodka I’ve ever drunk” said Tom, absolutly. > [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > “But I still prefer bourbon”, said Jack to Daniel, beaming. “Bah! No drink is better than cream sherry,” said Harvey, bristoling. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2771 "2014-07-18T16:29:28Z")
“Fleet North Sea convoy Army Yorkshire to Norway,” Tom said diplomatically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2772 "2014-07-19T14:45:21Z")
“Yes, I do know how to pray”, said Tom, amenably. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2773 "2014-07-19T20:29:54Z")
“I prefer we all meditate instead,” said Tom, ominously. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2774 "2014-07-19T21:07:06Z")
“A plague on my gonads!” Tom testified. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2775 "2014-07-20T21:47:15Z")
“That short-horned Jersey is absolutely terrifying,” Tom said, cowed. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2776 "2014-07-20T23:40:46Z")
“I am not Tyrion Lannister,” Jaime’s brother implied. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2777 "2014-07-21T00:29:12Z")
“Allow me to tell you about the mythological history of Tyrion Lannister,” Tom implored. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2778 "2014-07-22T18:30:22Z")
“Let’s communicate only in that code language prison inmates use”, said Tom, keeping it in context. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2014, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2779 "2014-07-23T02:40:52Z")
“Prison is more comfortable now that they’ve set up this campground on the grounds to deal with the overcrowding,” Tom said contentedly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2780 "2014-07-23T15:27:12Z")
'I’m getting a little tired of listening to you fart every couple of minutes" said Tom irascibly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2014, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2781 "2014-07-23T15:34:03Z")
“Let me make sure I understand this…you say you swallowed a penny?” Tom accentuated. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2782 "2014-07-23T15:39:08Z")
“Eww! Somebody jacked off while standing in front of this window” said Tom, pointing out a syllogism. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=138) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=140)