# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/261 "2013-07-16T17:19:13Z")
Two “ejaculated” on one page? Really? “I wish those linebackers would stop hitting me so hard,” Tom said bashfully. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/262 "2013-07-16T17:59:06Z")
“This sinus infection I caught has lasted for many months,” Tom chronicled. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/263 "2013-07-16T18:01:28Z")
“Three in a row, baby! It’s a new record!” Tom ejaculated. I couldn’t help myself, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/264 "2013-07-16T18:06:04Z")
“With all the kinks in the time continuum, I’ve become my own father!” Tom said apparently. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/265 "2013-07-16T18:06:17Z")
“I’m giving up prostitution, too”, Tom exhorted. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/266 "2013-07-16T19:46:00Z")
> [@Hoopy\_Frood](#): > > “This sinus infection I caught has lasted for many months,” Tom chronicled. “…but I suppose I’ll just have to put up with it,” he added phlegmatically. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/267 "2013-07-16T19:48:07Z")
“I dreamed I saw an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical” said Tom, amazingly. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/268 "2013-07-16T20:05:44Z")
“I’ve written a secret code.” Tom said cryptically. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/269 "2013-07-16T20:07:09Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > “I’ve written a secret code.” Tom said cryptically. “It’s a Caesar cipher,” Tom said augustly. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/270 "2013-07-16T20:13:44Z")
“All these Tom saids’ need fucking commas after them!” Tom screamed, pedantically, while holding a comb under his nose. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/271 "2013-07-16T20:17:04Z")
“If I did that, I’d be comma-tose!” Tom retorted [grammatically](http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp). ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/272 "2013-07-16T20:22:03Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > “All these Tom saids’ need fucking commas after them!” There should be a single quotation mark just before “Tom”. You’re welcome. “There are too many damned billy goats on my bridge!”, said Tom, gruffly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/273 "2013-07-16T20:30:19Z")
“I’m going to see an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical,” said Tom, cattily. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/274 "2013-07-16T20:36:07Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > There should be a single quotation mark just before “Tom”. You’re welcome. There was, but the server stripped it, thanks to its algorithm that makes random errors on purpose when “pedantically” is used in a post, Tom said, conspiratorially after editing the random “error” in this post. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/275 "2013-07-16T20:38:23Z")
“Bill Clinton’s vice president sure could dance”, said Tom, referring to his algorithm. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/276 "2013-07-16T20:40:26Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > “All these Tom saids’ need fucking commas after them!” Tom screamed, pedantically, while holding a comb under his nose. “Cite?”, asked the Professor dubiously. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/277 "2013-07-16T20:42:39Z")
“I never really liked harness racing,” Tom said sulkily. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/278 "2013-07-16T20:43:14Z")
“W’s veep was better, because he spoke gently but carried a big gun to make his point by shooting people in the face,” Tom said, algo-rythmically, though he couldn’t carry a tune in a basket. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/279 "2013-07-16T20:51:58Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “Cite?”, asked the Professor dubiously. “Trying to find a picture of me holding a comb under my nose would not be a little ridiculous,” Tom answered, cleesily with a weak affirmative. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/280 "2013-07-16T20:53:28Z")
“What’s the cite for putting a comma before the adverb?” asked the Professor resolutely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=15)