# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 140
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2783 "2014-07-29T03:24:41Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “In this war zone, with bullets flying all the time, pretty soon ducking at the sound of gunfire becomes instinctual” said Tom diplomatically. “You’re standing on my master’s degree!” Tom said diplomatically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2784 "2014-07-29T13:27:39Z")
“I’m adding a \*second \*packet of artificial sweetener to my coffee”, said Tom, resplendently. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2785 "2014-07-29T13:28:54Z")
“You have a bachelor’s and a masters, and now after all that work and a thesis you say you want a PhD? Why?” asked the university president, giving Tom the third degree. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2786 "2014-07-29T13:28:56Z")
“But I made the tea yesterday,” Tom brooded. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2787 "2014-07-29T13:52:21Z")
“Dammit, I \*will \*win the Bulwer-Lytton contest next year!” Tom darkly stormed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2788 "2014-07-29T17:53:37Z")
“I find this ridiculous lawsuit to be utterly without merit” said the judge in a distorted voice. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2789 "2014-07-29T19:31:15Z")
“Getting all those Boy Scouts to go to sleep has me frazzled”, said Scoutmaster Tom, intensely. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2790 "2014-08-07T14:24:49Z")
“Greg Oden has been charged with battery!” said Tom, electrified at the news. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2791 "2014-08-07T14:33:04Z")
“I just ate a mouse!” said the tomcat, in a squeaky voice. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2014, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2792 "2014-08-19T16:37:25Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “Hey, Slug is not only the fastest, but the best there is” said Cecil adamantly. " I wish I could think of that 80s song!", Ms. Goody Two Shoes said adamantly. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2793 "2014-08-20T15:16:10Z")
“Pay up by Friday, or I’ll increase the vig from 15 to 20 points,” said Tom the loan shark, with growing interest. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2794 "2014-08-20T15:57:45Z")
“As a former Vice-President, I need my own weapons to protect myself”, said Mr. Gore, alarmed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2795 "2014-08-21T14:34:12Z")
“Ha! You call that a hurricane? Why, that was nothing!” said Tom with disgust. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2796 "2014-08-21T14:44:06Z")
“Look, be reasonable…I can’t take you for a walk until we get that crazy treadmill repaired” said George Jetson, speaking astrologically. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2797 "2014-08-21T15:13:31Z")
“I think I just saw Batman,” said Tom, with 16 grains of salt\* \*Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2798 "2014-08-21T15:54:41Z")
“Listen, I’m the only executioner for hundreds of miles around…you better accede to my demands” said Pierre, who was looking for increased severance pay. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2799 "2014-08-21T16:10:25Z")
“I’ve accepted the ALS Challenge”, said Tom, icily. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2800 "2014-08-21T20:06:55Z")
“Gah! Get that German sausage away from me!” said Tom, fearing the worst. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2801 "2014-08-25T03:57:05Z")
“The hell with fumbling with a zipper and the button on the fly of my boxer shorts…I just pull everything down when it’s time to pee” said Tom, going all out. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2802 "2014-08-25T04:08:13Z")
“Let’s grab a quick bite at one of those joints where you put a coin in and pull a sandwich out from behind a little window” said Tom automatically. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=139) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=141)