# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 144
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2863 "2015-03-06T14:49:17Z")
“How do the Jeopardy writers keep coming up with new questions?” asked Tom, inquizitively. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2015, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2864 "2015-03-07T16:42:32Z")
“I know you’re workin’ for the CIA. They wouldn’t have you in the Ma-fi-a,” sang Tony, in a soprano voice. ---
**Author:** ![jepflast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@jepflast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jepflast)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2865 "2015-03-10T04:57:15Z")
“I won’t remember anything more,” said Tom mindfully. “I just farted big time,” said Tom retroactively. “I don’t want to sign up,” said Tom involuntarily. “My mom and dad are both dead,” said Tom apparently. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2866 "2015-03-11T23:49:59Z")
“I just got my light saber into Emperor Palpatine’s guts!” said Tom, insidiously. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2015, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2867 "2015-03-11T23:55:38Z")
“Ow! Someone stepped on me!” said the grape, as he let out a little whine. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2015, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2868 "2015-03-13T00:41:40Z")
“Buggrit! Millennium Hand and Shrimp!” cried Foul Ron his-Terry-cally. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2869 "2015-04-11T15:23:22Z")
“Truman, shut the fuck up! I am not going to see any movie where Ron Perlman plays a weird creature,” screamed Tom, giving Harry hell, boy! ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2015, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2870 "2015-10-25T15:48:38Z")
“I’m going camping,” Tom said intently. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2015, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2871 "2015-10-25T16:36:44Z")
“I keep coming back like a bad penny,” said Tom decently. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2017, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2872 "2017-07-24T15:41:03Z")
Stolen from Uncle John page-a-day calendar (I searched and am pretty sure these have not yet been mentioned): “Let’s attach a monarch!” Tom said strikingly. “Crosby is my favourite crooner, is he yours?” Tom asked probingly. “The bank won’t take my business,” Tom said unaccountably. “I studied the history of the Spanish Armada,” Tom said fleetingly. “That’s not really Dracula,” Tom discounted. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2017, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2873 "2017-07-24T19:40:57Z")
> [@Nature\_s\_Call](#): > > “Let’s attach a monarch!” Tom said strikingly. Um, “attack”. Sorry ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2017, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2874 "2017-07-24T20:18:59Z")
“Let’s attach a monarch!” Tom said clingingly. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2017, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2875 "2017-07-24T20:26:09Z")
“My engine’s not running very well in neutral,” Tom said idly. “Phew! It was all I could do to finish that whole sandwich,” Tom said heroically. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2017, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2876 "2017-07-24T21:52:17Z")
“Top of the Seventh Inning is over,” Tom said elastically. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2017, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2877 "2017-07-24T22:04:07Z")
I suppose you thought bringing back one of our favorite threads would leave us in stitches," Tom needled Nature’s Call. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2017, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2878 "2017-07-24T22:37:08Z")
“I keep coming back like a bad penny,” said Tom recently. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2879 "2017-07-25T08:17:06Z")
“Hey, don’t crucify me,” Tom said crossly. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2880 "2017-07-26T00:02:52Z")
“I knocked down the rest of the pins,” said Tom sparingly. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2881 "2017-07-26T00:35:12Z")
“I would have made that touchdown if they hadn’t ganged up on me,” Tom said defensively. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/2882 "2017-07-26T01:57:22Z")
“I dropped the ball,” Tom said offhandedly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=143) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=145)